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My name is Julie. From the age of about 4 I went to church every Sunday. Sometimes I loved it but most of the time, especially as a teenager, I hated it. I was bored and I wanted to do what my friends were doing. I knew about Jesus and God, and I have always believed in God, but I also knew that believing in God was not enough. I also knew that exercising was good for you, but knowing that exercising is good for you does not make you fit. You have to commit yourself to exercising and the same applies to Jesus, believing he exists is not enough, you have to commit yourself. From a teenager I have battled with this commitment, and as I got older the battle increased. A lot of people will say that when you’re ill you turn to God. But when I was seriously ill and facing the possibility of death, I still didn’t commit. I was afraid to commit. I didn’t know why and I still don’t. I survived my illness and I know that I was prayed for by hundreds of people nationwide, and the very fact that the other patients who were having the same treatment at the same time as me all died, speaks for itself. From that time on I stopped going to church. But even though I didn’t go to church I still battled with God. I felt that I didn’t want to go to church for two very different reasons. Firstly, my parents were both Christians, and I didn’t want to give them false hope, because I knew that if I turned up in church uninvited they would get excited and I just couldn’t cope with that responsibility. And secondly I was afraid to hear the Gospel, just in case IT with capital letters happened. I was afraid about how it might change my life. I was afraid of how it would affect my marriage and my other friendships. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the things I enjoyed doing. Oh what a fool I was. I wasted so many years fighting. And then I heard that Baglan Community Church was about to start. I went on the first Sunday and I knew that I liked what I felt and saw. Months went by and I heard some tremendous messages that really pushed me to the limit and again I fought. But then one evening my mother rang and asked me if I felt like going to a house group meeting, I didn’t really feel like it, but it was an opportunity to get out of the house for a couple of hours, so I said yes. We went to Rob Stone’s for his house group, who at that time was averaging about 15 people every week. But this week no one turned up. I thought my mother was behind it, but it wasn’t my mother it was God. The three of us were just chatting and then we started talking about Christ and I started to get that uncomfortable feeling again. But whereas before when I got uncomfortable I just switched off. This time it was different, and so this time I went all the way, I couldn’t fight anymore. I was tired of battling and later that night, I was playing a CD that Rob (Stone) had given me, and I was listening to ‘here I kneel’ which when I’d heard sung for the first time, the words had really got to me. I prayed to Jesus to come into my life. For many years I have feared death and hell and yearned for inner peace, and now I have it. Christmas time, (2003) I was in hospital seriously ill, but all I was worried about was not being at home for Christmas. It was weeks later that I realised that I had not been frightened and I know that when the time comes, I am ready and I am safe and I know that I am going to heaven to be with my Saviour, and it will be there where I’ll see my loved ones again.
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