HUMOUR

Great truths that adults have learned:

Raising children is like nailing jelly to a tree.
Wrinkles don’t hurt.
Families are like fudge……… mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Today’s mighty oak is yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
Laughing is good exercise ….. It’s like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose the cereal for the fibre…….. not the toy.

Great truths about growing old:

Growing old is mandatory……… growing up is optional.
When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do whilst you are down there.
You are growing old when you get the same sensation from the rocking chair you once got from the roller coaster.
It’s very frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
Time maybe a great healer but it’s a lousy beautician.
Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone.

Instructions reputed to have been seen on labels:

On a frozen food dinner                                  “Serving suggestions: Defrost”
On a packet of peanuts                                  “Warning, contains nuts”
On packaging for an iron                                “Do not iron clothes on body”
On a bottle of children’s cough medicine       “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medicine”


A man was recovering from surgery in hospital when a nurse asked him how he was feeing.
“I’m OK” he replied “but I didn’t like the four letter word the doctor used in surgery”
“What did he say” asked the nurse worryingly.
“OOPS” was his reply.

Cowboys.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding the range all day. When they stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened.
“Buffalo come “said Tonto
“How can you tell” asked the Lone Ranger
“Face sticky”.