At the going down of the sun................

If there is any event in the calendar than gives me feelings of ambiguity then Remembrance Day wins hands down. Even the annual dilemma of whether, as a non-Christian I should celebrate Christmas, (which let’s face it, is a no-brainer, gimme the turkey!) pales into insignificance against Poppy Day and all that it entails. And as someone who in the past decided to, as Colonel Nathan Jessop suggested “pick up a weapon, and stand a post” perhaps this clouds my feelings even more but there again if I had all the answers would I be making a living scrabbling away in the world of IT? 

Probably the best example of how this time of year is such a time of mixed feelings is the BBC’s annual extravaganza at the Albert Hall; The Royal British Legion’s Festival of Remembrance. The show, if that’s the right word, is such a hotch potch of styles and content that it can be greatly emotional and upsetting and yet verging on the ludicrous at the same time. And let's face it, it's always a great laugh to watch the uniformed part timers try to march in time across the floor. I guess that event the world’s finest producers would struggle to make a consistent programme of the necessary elements so perhaps we shouldn’t be too harsh, but I do have to question some of the methods and content that were used.  

Firstly my greatest complaint about the Festival and indeed Remembrance Day in general, is that it is celebrated as part of a religious service. This is bad enough in itself but to really put the cream on the cake it is done in a way that no-one questions this. Why? Honestly now, why in order to “remember” anyone or anything for that matter, do you need a bloke in a dress “blessing” the whole procedure? Why will people up and down the land, who never set foot in a church from one year to the next feel a great need to do so on this day? Why will millions of people “bow their heads” at various cenotaphs and memorials countrywide at the same time on the same day muttering half forgotten prayer under their breath? I just don’t get it. Can I not be just as sincere and valid in my remembrance if I do it as I walk the dog or as I go to bed? And why should it involve “God” at all? If he’s so bloody all powerful and mighty couldn’t he stop the reasons why these people are dead in the first place? Oh no, that’s right……….he gave us free choice didn’t he – (This phrase is copywrite by the Christian’s book of pat excuses vol. 21, chapter 3). But knowing how these events are normally conducted it came as no surprise that the finale of the Festival of Remembrance is a drumhead service conducted this time by an earnest looking chap in a large hat carrying a crook. Is it not strange though, in a week where I noted several stories in the press about the Armed Services attempted to attract ethnic minorities, in particular Muslim youths, into a life in the services they would appear to portray that being a soldier means there is only one possible religion that you’re allowed to follow? And before anyone accuses me of being over sensitive to this element it's worth noting that this year I heard nothing of any acknowledgement of any other religion at all, nothing of "Bless all servicemen of all faiths" or similar, this was straight down the middle, if you're not Christian you're damned. That was probably the thought going through the mind of the one single Asian soldier who was trying desperately not to look embarrassed as all around him belted out the hymns.

Secondly, you cannot but fail to question the choice of words used in so much of the Remembrance Day mantra. Time after time the phrase "....gave their lives for their country......." was churned out as if there was some free will involved somewhere along the line. I'm sorry, are we really suggesting these brave men and women willingly gave their lives, like, as I say, they made a conscious decision to do so? No, the reality is that year and year, decade after decade our 'brave' politicians send hundreds and thousands of men and women to their deaths simply to protect the country's various interests. And that's it. These people answer the call because they feel some sort of duty to go, or they want to be part of a bigger national feeling or simply because their best mate has also decided to join, but I don't reckon anyone at any time has said, ".....and do you know what Jim, even if I don't come back I'll have known I did my bit for my country."

You could probably argue that in the cases of the First and Second World Wars that there was a factor of national security that needed to be protected and there was a need to fight for the greater good against a real and tangible "axis of evil" but, as was done this year, you can't then mention in the same breath the war that the soldiers are currently being forced to fight in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Was the regime in Iraq a threat to British National Security? No. Was the regime an "axis of evil", well certainly to some Iraqis it was, but not in the sense that Bush would try to scare us into bed with and have we made life better for the Iraqis? No.

OK, I know I am bringing this down to the most simplest of arguments and, in the unlikely event that anyone is reading this I'm sure there are some easy counter arguments to be levelled at my pathetic simplification of the situation, but I do think never the less that it is difficult to try to resolve the idea that remembrance day as it was conceived to remember those fallen in the great world wars isn't quite as applicable to the modern wars that our politicians have decided our armed forces should fight, not all granted, but most.

Enough of the heavy stuff and back to the festival. As previously stated it's a difficult event to easily cover and getting a balance between church service, military tattoo and showbiz variety show must be difficult. But I rather think the organisers outdid themselves this year, especially at the end when for the last rousing chorus of "Abide with me" they amassed on stage such luminaries as William Roach (Corry Norry's Ken Barlow) Chris DeBurgh, the stunning Katherine Jenkins (who at least got three new frocks out of the event) and a very anti-septic looking bunch of all girl singers called "All Angels" (beautiful but somehow not quite real). Topping this crowd was one time Eurovision entree James Fox who played a Jimi Hendrix style wailing guitar accompaniment to the hymn, complete with pained expression and pained stance. As I say, all quite quite bizarre.

And finally............................

Going up on the Malignant radar of coolness this week are:

Carole Smillie - Dancing Queen

Rageh Omaar - Eloquent Questioner

Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall - Conciencious Farmer

Going down on the Malignant radar of coolness this week are:

Richard Arnold - Tosser - You and you bloody funny animals aren't funny!

Sara Cox - Yak yak yak, me me me - Oh shut the bloody hell up yeah

The Queen - Po-Faced old bag - Lighten up will ya!