There's always something good on over Xmas

Apologies for the “missing episode” but even the Beer Glass Collector is allowed a Xmas break and anyway I don’t imagine for even half a minute that I have any regular readers of this blog anyway, well apart from possibly my brother-in-law but that’s just because he only works “part time” anyway. (Stop reading and get your kitchen cabinets up!) 

Did anyone catch the episode of “In it to win it” just before Xmas? I’m not a fan of any of the Lottery add-on quiz shows, just quite why they can’t just reveal the numbers and have done with it all still defeats me, and by and large the presenters for these quiz shows are the worms under the bottom of the barrel, I’m thinking Eamon “hide behind the draw machine” Holmes. Anyway “In it to win it” is presented by that very nice man Dale Winton, and I must say that for all the things you could say about Dale, he is a very good presenter and makes a pretty weak show something quite entertaining, well entertaining enough to fill the gap whilst waiting for Casualty anyway.  

So on the show this week was one of the most effeminate men I have ever had the misfortune to have to watch. There’s being camp, a la Dale or perhaps someone equally entertaining like Larry Grayson or even being extra camp like the mincer that fronts the Scissor Sisters but this guy was like sooooooooo over the top I defy anyone not to have wanted to punch him senseless. Every time his name was called he’d leap up with a little cry of glee and do that staccato hand-clap thing and then he’d sit down crossing his legs so that both legs are running alongside each other without any gaps along their length, which just makes me wince. The other bloody annoying thing he was doing was making cow-eyes at Dale either in a vain attempt to catch his eye or just do some sad solidarity we gays are in this together type thing. Dale was forever having to calm the little twat down and when they finally reached the finale where the contestants have to answer one more question correctly in order to win a share of the prize it all got too too much for the little shit as he collapsed into floods of tears. Honestly the bloke all but disintegrated as the situation overwhelmed him and whilst we all like to see a bit of true emotion on the tele this was just embarrassing. Even poor old Dale looked decidedly shifty as he had to try to get the bloke to pull himself together and even the bloke’s mum and sister who he’d brought along for support looked mortified that here yet again their “little boy” was making a bloody fool of himself. All I can say is thank the heavens that the chap got his question correct and actually won some money because if he’d lost I can only imagine the first televised ritual hara-kari would have made its British debut. 

The other thing that seems to be pervading throw-away quiz shows like “in it to win it” is this over blown sense of importance of the situation. No other show represents this better than Noel bloody Edmonds and “Deal or No Deal”. The format of the program is absolute genius, as Dale himself described it “a quiz show without questions”, but yet still manages to built a feeling of tension and suspense and yet all people are doing is choosing boxes to open. But what really gets my goat about the whole charade is the pomposity that the players create around it. Firstly they act as if there’s some sort of skill involved in what they are doing, or even try to invoke some sort of superstitious voodoo as if they can influence the outcome in what they’re doing. Then there’s the over the top friendliness as they buddy up to each other, “OK Fred, I just want to say you’ve played the game brilliantly tonight and I really really hope this is blue.” Add to this there is a really ugly sense of greed about the whole show. Contestants will “lose” let’s say the £3,000 amount and pass it off as “that’s ok I don’t need that one.” OK if you win the top amount then three thousand quid might be small potatoes but I’d like to think that I wouldn’t dismiss the amount out of hand if it was waved in front of my face! Finally just as in “In it to win it” the contestants all act as if they are either performing some important public service or making a difference to world peace. You know you winning a few hundred quid on the turn of a card isn’t actually “that” important when put into context, the world isn’t going to stop if you get it wrong and likewise if you win a couple of thousand your life isn’t going to change except for possibly a couple of nice parties and perhaps a new tele. What I’d like to see is these pathetic creatures subjected to a real life or death situation and see if their delicate attitudes could cope with it. 

The other program of note I saw over the Xmas period was imaginatively titled “Is Benny Hill still funny?” now of course the program makers could have wrapped this up in five minutes with a simple “Yes” but instead they decided to show an audience of younger viewers some of Benny’s classic clips. It was a good excuse to see some mindless head slapping and various ladies in various states of underwear (un)dress but what was even more revealing (pun intended) was to see that little bespectacled scrote Ben Elton, he that used to rail against the establishment and now you’re more likely to see him hanging around Buckingham Palace waiting for the next honours list to be posted, trying to excuse the hammering he gave Benny back in the “right on sister” 80’s. Well Ben, whatever you think of Benny and his style of humour at least you have to admit he was consistent unlike your good self you hypocritical little shit. 

Upon re-reading some of the old blogs I realised that I did make a commitment that the blogs would have an element of beer glass collecting within them, so it’s with great relief that I can conclude this episode with a glass collecting tale that happened this weekend. In one of Newbury’s charity shops there’s a chap that regularly serves on the till and without being rude you have to say he’s a little bit slow. Anyway the people in front of me had got him all in a dither as they were buying two items from different sections of the shop and he was well and truly confused about what codes to enter. So when he’d finally managed to fathom out the details of these I then present him with the glass I’d just found. You could almost see the confusion descend over his face as he hadn’t a clue under what section the glass should come. So with perfect mannerisms he takes a step backwards and shouts over his shoulder. 

“Margaret, Margaret! Is this bric-a-brac?”