A Fine Day to Die, part 4: the Horror Beneath the Vatican and other Tales of Terror
The Libberteens had finally reformed. The rumours were true - everything had been put on hold for them.
"HELLO LONDON" the horselike Pete Doherty intonated. "THIS IS A NEW SONG WE WROTE... IT'S CALLED, 'WE'RE REALLY GAY':
Me and Carl
We kiss each other
and stuff
so soapy girls can write weird fanfictions about us
on their webforums
cuz
WE'RE REALLY GAY
WE'RE REALLY GAY
NO WE REALLY ARE GAY
WE'RE NOT LYING JUST TO GET GROUPIES
HONEST
"Oh my fucking God," His Holiness Pope Lucius IX exclaimed. "I mean they were always shit, but this is really desperate."
"Fucking mein old boots, ja? Zis is really taking der piss."
"Don't worry, Wehrner. We'll sort those buggers out once and for all."
In a catacomb deep beneath the Vatican City...
"Look, I know what I'm doing, alright? I've read through the entire Call of Cthulhu rulebook twice. There's no way this can go wrong."
"Oh, ok, your Holiness. If you say so."
And with that began the chanting, plainsung words in some ancient tongue which predated all of human evolution itself - the blasphemous music of loathsome gods from beyond the stars.
Fire, doo doo doo, doo doo doo-doo,
will take you to burn,
doo doo doo, doo doo doo-doo
Fire, doo doo doo, doo doo doo-doo
will take you to learn,
doo doo doo, doo doo doo-doo
"WOW!" the Pope shouted. "It's working!"
The stone floor began to crack. A ghastly, cadaverous light shone upwards - the foolish magicians had to shield their eyes.
Then it came - the horrendous being, whose life was measured in aeons and who had only recently become aware, disinterestedly, of the human race.
"I sincerely hope there's a good reason for this," the squamous creature muttered.
It was small and red, and had two dear little horns on it's head. It carried a hot water bottle and wore blue and white stripy jim-jams.
"Yes, there is, your evilness," the Pope tried. "We need to annihilate the Libertines for once and for all."
"Oh yes, the Libertines," the thing said. "I think I've heard their light tinny guitar indie bollocks somewhere about. Makes the monotonous pipers of Azathoth look positively musical. Alright, let's go find the wankers."
TO BE CONTINUED WHEN I GET BORED AGAIN....