I never got used to being alive. Sure, sometimes - even most of the time, I forget about it and get on with things and it's not an issue. After all, unless independently wealthy - which I'm not - our lives are pretty much dictated to us: we need shelter and food at the very least and usually various forms of security on top of that. The shelter and food shouldn't be too much to expect but here in the wealthy West for various reasons we still seem to have to slog our guts out for substantial chunks of our lives to achieve and maintain these provisions. So, unless independently wealthy, off you go and get on with it. But if, unlike the majority of people, you have a niggling feeling that there's something more going on and you don't want to ignore this feeling then read on…
This niggling feeling…
It's what I meant by saying that I never got used to being alive. Let me try to convey the impact of what I'm trying to communicate. Imagine that you are born this very moment with all your current senses and knowledge. In other words, that you come into the world fully formed with all your thinking faculties intact at this very moment. For example, opening your eyes for the very first time you'd enter from a state of non-existence, from a state of blank voidness, into seeing the world for the first time. You'd probably have a complete breakdown and become a wide-eyed, dribbling wreck that can only say Gaa-gaa and would need to be spoonfed. This is what babies look like. Each time I see a baby this is what I think: Yup, I know what you're going through. "Wow…. Where did all of this come from? What's it doing here? Isn't it incredible, fantastic, miraculous!!!" Survival needs soon kick in and then overshadow this experience for much of our lives.
In my case, I've tried not to let these survival needs dominate too much. Every few years I stop and take a look. I've avoided any responsibility and commitments that might permanently get in the way of the view. And you know what? When I have my wits about me, when I can put down all the nonsense that infests my psyche, this view is supremely clear. Well, what do I see? What is it that I'm seeing so clearly?
You really want me to tell you?
Well, all I can say is look for yourself.
This niggling feeling I've been talking about has been expressed quite well in the question:
Why is there something and not nothing?
If you're a religious person then you probably believe you have the answer to this question. It's simple. God made the world and He wants us to behave in certain ways. In which case, off you go and get on with it.
The real point of this question is to appreciate the feeling behind it, the feeling of wonder and mystery that niggles at us, demanding our attention. To believe you have an answer to this question which can be expressed in some framework of belief is to miss the point altogether. Depressingly so. But it's an understandable response. Although it's a positive feeling it's an uncomfortable one and it prompts us to resolve it in some way. This is the beginning of the spiritual quest, of the search for Truth. However, to resolve it by immersing ourselves in some system of belief is actually a clever way of ignoring it. This feeling isn't prompting us to ignore it. It's prompting us to look it fully in the face. It's telling us something. It wants us to reorientate ourselves or to allow ourselves to be reorientated. It's asking us to look it fully in the face, invert our perspective and to look at the world anew. I go into this in much more detail in my commentary on the Tao Te Ching. But how you actually achieve or enter into this reorientation, this inverted perspective, just keep looking until it dawns. You have your own path to follow. I wish I could help.
One thing I've noticed: Negativity is only a habit. Unfettered positivity is banging at the doors of our psyche.
Terrifying, isn't it?