Snow.

Ice.

Slippery roads.

And at work on Friday we're having a 'summer beach' themed dress-down 'fun' day.

To this end I have been approached to erect a palm tree constructed from cardboard boxes next to my desk.

I am not making this up.

Spam Spaaaaaaam, Spammity Spam...

Yes, that daily deluge of "Increase size now!!!!! Pleasure longer extra inches fgytuyet" is incredibly irritating. But, as Joe Internet User, what can you do about it?

Until recently I used Mailwasher. Free for use with a single POP account and highly effective. Just run it before you run your mail client, watch it magically dispatch all your spam, bounce 'address unknown' messages back at the spammers and get a nice "GENERIC VIAGRA"-free inbox. Bliss.

But even the additional inconvenience of running two programs to get my email was becoming irksome. Take two apps into the mail server? Not me. I want to wash... and go.

And then - bingo. I spotted that this months issue of PC World magazine (the one with 'March 2004' on the cover) has a full, free version of 'Spamweed' with the DVD edition (you have to register it online to get a serial number - there's no cost involved except buying the mag). This is a program that runs in the background on your PC and checks mail before it hits your mail client - no fiddling nescessary.

And - so far - it works! Flawlessly! All my spam has been disposed of, and genuine emails have got through no problem. And if you do want to check what has been filtered for fear of a genuine message having been cast aside, you can do that too.

If you're looking for an effective way to get your inbox back under your control on a home PC you could do worse than check this out, especially when it's free.

Saw something on TV about music piracy the other day - one of the (same old) reasons given about why piracy is bad and the industry can't lower it's prices is that the money from CD sales is used to fund development of new 'artists', and if this was lost the record companies would be forced to be more artistically conservative in the records they put out.

OK... but could someone explain to me how much more artistically conservative the music industry can get than the deluge of inconsequential pop we've been subjected to for years?

Would every record put out be by Britney or Christina or Justin or Robbie because 'that's what sells'?

And where are all these trailblazing 'worthy' artists that the record industry is so philanthropically ploughing the proceeds from their top selling acts into?

Or could all this cash be going elsewhere? Like into the nasal cavities of countless record company executives who are under the delusion that they just know what the public wants, and release records records according to this self same egotistical belief?

If there are any truly visionary artists' records being released on major labels these days, please email me and let me know who they are. I'd really, really like to hear them.

When co-workers annoy.

(Note: this wasn't at my workplace)

The Nightwatchman

Tom Morello is one of my favourite musicians. As the guitarist in Rage Against The Machine he pretty much redefined what was possible as a guitarist in a heavy rock band. Don't believe me? Have a listen to any cutting-edge heavy rock records from the late 80s to about 1990, then do then do the same for the mid-90s onwards. All those hip-hop influences and abstract noises you hear permeating the latter selection were filtered straight from RATM's first album into the likes of Limp Bizkit, Deftones et al. RATM,and Morello in particular were, and are, in a word: Influential.

Tom is best known for his talent for making an electric guitar turned up to 11 sound like anything but. He achieves this not with thousands of dollars worth of cutting edge technology, but with old fashioned guitars, amps, stomp boxes and an imagination the size of a planet. Although his latest band Audioslave play far more traditional mainstream rock than RATM ever did (a sign of mellowing out a bit with age?), the guitar solos still feature mind-bending bursts of sonic oddness.

And now Tom has launched a side project that is possibly the last thing anyone would expect - he is singing acoustic folky protest songs under the pseudonym 'The Nightwatchman'. Although Tom has long been known to be a fan of Woody Guthrie and Bruce Springsteen, so maybe in the light of Audioslave's non-political stance and Tom's need for an outlet for his political views it's not that surprising after all.

You can download a track by Tom's nocturnal alter-ego here, and it really is rather good. I hope there will be an album of this stuff - if there is, I'll certainly be buying it.

"If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

- Just one of the Wackiest Warning Labels Ever.

Rick Booth has posted a round up of new/revived blogs he's reading, and he's thoughtfully included psimpson.net - cheers Rick!

He's also categorised each blog by it's writer, and in doing so paid me what I consider the highest compliment possible:

"Paul Simpson has returned, and seems to be making up for lost time with multiple posts per day. Category: Uncategorisable."

:-D

In today's corporate monoculture, it's bloody good to know that people like this still exist (and at AOL too!):

The World's Most Dangerous Geek

The Truth!

If you are American you need to see this:

Save America

(Not safe for those browsing at work)

ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH

&£**ING RED-HOT *&$^*ING £$**&*S OF DEEP FRIED ^&**(&^*%$*!!!!!!!!!!!

I. Seriously. Need. A. New. Job. Now.

Album Review: The Muffin Men with Ensemble 10:10 - When Worlds Collide

The second in an occasional series of reviews of albums that are off the well-worn 'chart-music' path.

The Muffin Men describe themselves as "a bunch of unruly Scousers who have spent the last decade bringing the songs of Frank Zappa to every rock dive in Europe". Ensemble 10:10 are an offshoot of the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra who are dedicated to performing classical works that, for one reason and another, don't get played very often. They first came together to perform a selection of music by Frank Zappa in Liverpool in 2000 and it was so successful that in 2003 they did it again, this time in London and Preston.

This CD was recorded at Liverpool's Philharmonic Hall during preparations for their concerts together in 2003, and it is superb - it's a proper 'studio'-sounding album, with none of the rough edges of a live concert recording.

The reason there aren't many bands around that perform Zappa's music on a regular basis is simply that the level of musicianship required to even think about playing a lot of the man's work is just too prohibitive, so it's a rare treat to hear this music played by a combination of what is basically a virtuoso rock band with a two man horn/wind section and a classical ensemble. All the instrumentalists involved are more than up to the job of taking on these pieces, and the result is an absolute joy to listen to.

There isn't any of Zappa's rock stuff on here; this is a fully instrumental album of mainly Zappa's Big Orchestral Pieces, with occasional instrumental arrangements of Zappa songs and musical quotes thrown in (the riff from Cream's Sunshine Of Your Love and The Dr. Who Theme to name but two). The sound of the two bands combined is simply huge, and the performances throughout are fantastic. Although Zappa's music has a reputation for being difficult to listen to, you wouldn't know it from listening to this CD.

Sadly this CD is, like the TV adverts of yore used to say, "not available in the shops". If you want to buy this CD - and if you like great music that will get your toe tapping played by people who Really Know What They Are Doing, then you really should - you'll have to buy it online at the official website. And for the asking price, it is really, really worth it.

Rock and roll and zeroes and ones

Continuing the guitar theme; here's a look at Gibson's digital guitar.

I can't see this catching on, myself. It's just a new way of connecting a guitar to an amplifier or PC, and when it comes to their instruments, guitarists - and musicians in general, come to that - tend to be an ultra-conservative lot. I have to admit the main reason guitar is still my main instrument is the sheer familiarity and the pleasurable tactile feedback you get from it. As great-sounding as they can be, you just don't get the same 'vibe' (for want of a better word) from keyboards and sequencers and the like.

What I want to know is: where are the instruments that are going to make sounds that are as ground-breaking as the sound of the electric guitar once was when it was introduced all those years ago?

Woah!

To check out an utterly jaw-dropping bit of acoustic guitar playing, click right here!

As an update to the earlier Dream Theater ramblings, there's a picture of the gig here.

Update 18/01/04: Even more DT pics from the recent UK gigs over here.

Update 20/01/04: And some more pics from the gigs in Manchester and London here.

Robots in Disguise!

Warning: contains references to 80s childhood nostalgia and unabashed tech-head geekery. Those of a dissimilar disposition (probably most of you): look away now.

When I was a small kid I really liked Transformers (although I was not as big a fan as some).The toys were cool and the weekly comic was a damn good read for a 9 year old. Even now, the idea of cars/planes/curling tongs/etc. that turn into bloody great robots and kick the shit out of each other just seems... well, I dunno, cool.

Your mileage in this concept may well vary. I care not.

After all these years it seems that the concept refuses to die. Hasbro have been milking the idea for all it's worth for 20 years now and the things are still very popular.

In 1986 the Transformers starred in their own animated feature film titled, predictably enough, Transformers: The Movie. It was a fairly typical Japanimation effort notable mainly for it's unlikely celebrity cast, featuring Leonard 'Spock' Nimoy, Eric 'Python' Idle and the final performance of Orson Welles in the role of a transformer the size of a planet, no less.

I saw this on the web a while ago, and was very impressed by what can be accomplished by determined amateurs with a love of computer graphics.

And now it seems that this concept is going to be taken even further - a live action movie is in the works. More info here, here, here and here.

I am now older and (hopefully) wiser than the 9 year old kid who read those comics so long ago.

But...

I'll probably be checking this film out once (if?) it gets made. And I can't help but wonder if it'll bring a few of those childhood tingles back.

We shall see.

Dream Theater at the Manchester Apollo

So, I set off yesterday at about 1.30pm for Manchester to go and see Dream Theater. The vague plan was to book into my hotel, spend a relaxing afternoon with friends in Manchester, have a bite to eat and then go and see the gig.

I joined the M62 and made good progress. My directions said to turn off at J24 and hit the A57. Fine.

I then hit the traffic jam from hell at J26. The radio said 20 mile tailbacks had developed! When I eventually got to J24, I asked for directions at a nearby pub and realised my mistake - I needed J24 on the M60! Doh!

Now I couldn't get back on the M62 'cos the police had closed the sliproad. So I hit the A640. And that was blocked too...

5 hours later I got to Manchester and left the car at Piccadily station. After various further hassles with a lazy and moronic taxi driver (and, it has to be said, a damn good one shortly after that) and a persistent and irritating ticket tout at the venue I finally got to my seat just as the band were starting their set. I collapsed out of breath in my seat, swore like sailor, bid my companions good evening and settled back to enjoy the show.

Now, DT are not one of my favourite bands. I'm not familiar with much of their material and Prog-Metal is not really my cup of dragons blood. But: I'd previously seen a video of them at Rick's place, and the sheer musicianship they display is just... astonishing. And that alone was enough to keep me thoroughly entertained for the next 3-and-and-a-half hours. Time signatures, key changes and odd keyboard noises all over the place. Grrreat! Some of the earnest balladry was a tad syrupy for my tastes and one or two of the solos did outstay their welcome by a few dozen bars, but on the whole it was a magnificent show, and the lighting and backdrops were fantastic.

Various highlights and amusing bits:

- Much fun was had by observing the audience below me from my vantage point at the front of the balcony. Some DT fans are clearly very... 'enthusiastic'.

- My good friend Ian Myatt when the second set of older DT stuff kicked in: "Woaaaaaah...... Shit! YES!"

- When the band launch into the Big Instrumental Bits, DT's singer sensibly just leaves the stage and leaves them to it. Me and Ian wondered what he got up to backstage. Best suggestion (recalling an old Viz cartoon featuring Biffa Bacon): "Bet he goes for a pie and a shite".

- Guitarist John Petrucci has two small knee-high boxes next to his microphone solely for the purpose of putting one of his feet on to accomplish rock-god poses.

- Mr. Petrucci and the keyboard player doing incredibly fast solos in unison and making it look effortless. And how do they remember all that music? Apart from the keyboard player, none of them were reading from a score. And the keyboard player reads music faster than I can read English!

After the gig there was a much-needed curry at the fabulous Tabak curry house in Rusholme, followed by a taxi to the hotel and collapsing into bed. The journey back home took significantly less time and hassle than the outgoing trip.

All in all, a great evening of entertainment in the company of some top blokes from UKMG. Let's do it all (well, most of it) again soon!

"Art does not have intrinsic absolute value. Art is a purely subjective experience. That a year can be characterised as a bad one for the popular arts, therefore, would seem on the face of it to be my usual intolerant bullshit. But it was also a year without massive popular consensus.

Commentators are bringing up "the good old days" a lot, lately. The days where the majority shared the experience of watching a single TV show, hearing a single song. The days of a homogenous popular culture, essentially. But these were also the days, in Britain, of two, three or four TV channels. Of four radio stations. Of cinemas that only had one or two screens. And, of course, days before the Internet.

With the digital explosion in media channels (and also, over here, of radio deregulation), you don't necessarily have to, say, not turn on the radio until 10pm to hear the music you like. In fact, if it's John Peel at 10 you're waiting for, you can do something else at 10 because you can stream it off the BBC website next day. But you can find whole channels of what you want at most times of the day across media. As I write here in the pub, my girlfriend's zoned out in front of the Kerrang! Channel at home. Fifteen years ago, you had to wait until Saturday night to get two hours of that crap on the Tommy Vance show on Radio 1."

"...Even if 2003 was not The Year That Big Media Broke, it was certainly the year that its grip slipped. And even if you're not a producer of content, the tools are in place for you to make truth out of one of the central tenets of a 1980 document I've recently been re-reading, The Rozz-Tox Manifesto: "If you want better media, go make it."

Warren Ellis says exactly what I've been thinking for a while now and, as usual, puts it better than I ever could.

I'm a fan of First Person Shooter games for the PC. Big guns, noise, brain-meltingly gorgeous graphics - can't get enough of 'em. And the most eagerly awaited of all the games that's currently in development is DooM 3 by Id Software.

The most comprehensive look so far at Id's new baby has been posted here.

This may be the first game I ever actually pre-order before it's release...

...And the early night seems to have done the trick!

Feeling much better today, and am definitely off to Manc to see DT tomorrow.

w00t!

I have had a trip arranged for a while now to go see Dream Theater on Friday in Manchester. Tickets sorted, hotel booked. Yay!

...And today I feel like crap. Picked up a bug from somewhere, generally a bit unwell. Boo.

Early night tonight, I think.

Overpaid, oversexed...

...And directly over my home county.

Yankees: go home.

As a follow up to my last entry: it seems the Ikea Jerker has quite a cult following.

A few words on furniture...

Ikea get a bad rap from some quarters. Some see them as purveyors of poor quality, generic characterless tat.

This is a free country, and these people are quite entitled to their opinion. They are, however, still clearly very wrong.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been refurbishing my room with an eye to housing my newly purchased Roland VS-880 EX recording console so I can finally record a CD's worth of my own original music. This meant purchasing a new, more spacious desk and a few other bits and bobs for storage purposes.

On my good friend Rick's recommendation and experience I went for the unfortunately-named Ikea Jerker Computer Desk. This thing is a masterpiece of design - you can basically configure it any way you might want for almost any purpose. When I came to build the thing after getting it home, one of the parts was faulty. I immediately had visions of a lengthy and tedious process whereby Ikea UK would have to send of to the factory for a replacement, there would be delays with postage, etc etc. As things turned out I needed to go back to Ikea for some more stuff (they do lots of handy cheap add-ons for this type of desk), so I took the part back along with the manual and my receipt, and produced these to a member of staff at the shop.

Me: "Hello, I bought a desk from you last week and this part was faulty. I'd like a replacement please."

Ikea staff member: "Wait right there, I'll be back in a mo."

And he was. With exactly the right part from a dedicated stock room they have just for this purpose. Ikea customer service just earned themselves a 10 out of 10.

I doubt B and Q do roaring trade in Sweden.

Anyway, I have my new desk and stuff set up, and it is great - click here for a pic. I can now get on with the business of recording my CD in comfort, and if I need any more furniture anytime soon, I know where I'm going.

Ever wondered about the true origins of the Bible? Well, in these internet-enabled days of incredibly powerful search engines, someone has found them.

Go and see the shocking truth for yourself at The IRC Bible!

Satan goes ice skating, UFOs with snouts and trotters are seen in the skies and... I'm back in the land of the Blogging!

Well, hello there again!

To celebrate a new year, psimpson.net has been relaunched. Can it really be a year since my last post here? Tut tut.

Anyway, I've finally redesigned the site and resurrected my Blogging system (the configuration files of which I shall be making an immediate backup of in case I lose the damn things again - the cause of such a lengthy delay in getting all this working). If there are any broken links on here kicking around (and there will be for a while yet) rest asssured - I'm working on it.

I shall be posting here regularly with writings and linkage on all sorts of stuff, and I hope you enjoy them.