Well,
back in the Internet Stone Age, when I first went online (early
'95), I quickly realised that this thing was gonna get addictive.
And that pretty soon I'd become an indolent lump sat on his arse
for hours on end, eyes glued to a cathode ray tube — save
for the diversions of snack-food, hot coffees and cold beers...
The
Internet equivalent of a couch potato,
in fact.
"Aha!"
I declared, as the light bulb came on, "Then why don't I
use the online nickname of CyberSpud?"
Yes,
why not? How apt... how cryptic... how cool, I thought. (And how
smart an arse for thinking of it.)
So
I did use it. And all was good in my neck of cyberspace.
But then, along the Information Superhighway came barrelling the
text maniacs —
those folks who like to get off when they're on, swapping dirty-talkin'
text over MSN Messenger and the like..
For
this making out by computer, they coined the term CYBERSEX.
(For my tongue-in-cheek take on this phenomenon — as much
to do with making up as making out — click
here).
Cybersex
is all well and good between consenting adults with slick, one-handed
typing skills, vivid imaginations and lacking a sense of the ridiculous
— hey, I'm a broad-minded kinda guy — but it wasn't
long before the word got shortened to just 'CYBER'.
So
MissRespectableGal, when messaging,
to show she's not at home to the solicitous MisterTreePants,
had simply to assert:
"Hey
man, NO CYBER!"
...and
all was perfectly understood. And either he changed his tack or
he went away with his... ahem... wood between his legs.
You
can appreciate, then, so as not to have my CyberSpud handle convey
the wrong impression about me, I just had to change it. I mean,
imagine the thinking:
"This
guy reckons he's a what? A sex potato?"
And
imagine the reception:
"Hey
fellah, get the f * * k outta here! And take your King Edward
with you!"
However,
I didn't want to change it so much that it would lose all its
original meaning. That, therefore, is how my nickname got nicknamed
Spuddie.
I
guess now everyone just thinks I'm a simple potato picker wanting
to be your l'il online Buddy; nothing more dirty about me than
the honest soil under my fingernails.
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Why 'Spuddie'? 