Jack and Matt sat in the deck chairs watching the two boys playing in the yard. Both uncertain of what to say, if anything, they remained lost in their thoughts. Garnering up the courage to question his brother-in-law about his ‘lady friend’, Matt tried to break the ice.
"Saw Gracie last night. She’s banged up, but not in too bad of shape. Doctors’ say she’ll probably have a long recovery and may need some physical therapy, but no permanent damages to any internal organs. Not bad after hanging upside down by only a seatbelt for an hour, huh?"
"Yeah, I’m glad to hear she’s gonna be okay. So, you heading over there today?" Jack asked, genuinely concerned for the young woman he considered another sister.
"Uh, I think Patty said we’d go to the hospital around mid-morning. That’d give her a chance to get the boys ready and give Gracie some extra sleep. She woke up when I got there last night and with the doctors and nurses checking on her every hour or so, she didn’t get much rest."
Noticing the scuffle his sons were having, Matt yelled to them.
"Yo! Cut it out you two. Your Mom will tan your hides if you get roughed up, and I’ll help her. Uncle Jon will hold you both down."
"You bet I would. Besides, your Ma said she’d take me down if I let you get dirty. She can do it, too. I taught her myself."
Seeing the boys call a truce, Jack turned his attention back to Matt. "So, Patty told you about what happened this morning, huh?"
Matt confessed with a nod, "Yeah, she was pretty shook up when she came downstairs. She pulled me into the hall bathroom and told me everything. I think she was more embarrassed at interrupting something, than that you had a ‘guest’. She wants you to be happy, and if Sam makes you happy, who are we to argue."
Grinning mischievously he added, "Besides, when we got back to the kitchen, Ma said that she had insisted Sam stay the night, so I guess it’s our fault you two ended up in the same bed. Though we refuse to take credit for the end result."
Jack slouched down further into the chair and mumbled, "Yeah, definitely an end to something."
"Jon- eh Jack, sorry, Patty got me into that habit. Jack, what’s the problem? Last time I checked, it’s a good thing to be in bed with a beautiful woman. I mean, sure, it’s awkward to be caught ‘doing it’ at your folk’s house, but it’s not like either of you are kids anymore. You’re both consenting adults. I’m not seeing a reason for you guys to be so weird about it."
Getting to his feet, Jack paced the small deck area before responding. "It’s complicated. She’s my Second-in-Command; it’s against ALL the rules. She just found out that she may be really sick and well, it was wrong .."
"That bad, huh?" Matt interjected, trying to stir up a measure of truth from his deluded brother-in-law.
"What? Are you kidding?" Jack whipped around, then realized his mistake a little too late. "Ah, Crap." Running his hands over his face and through his hair, he resumed his pacing.
"So, basically you’re still trying to convince yourself that it was wrong. But in actuality it was the exact thing you’ve been wanting for, how long now? Years?" Baiting an O’Neill was not only dangerous but also very stupid, but Matt knew that Jack needed to fess up or he’d start to hate himself.
"Listen Matt, I know you think you’re trying to help, but don’t. This situation goes way beyond anything we’re ready for now. We can’t. It’s as simple as that. She wants a career and I need mine. You saw how I was before this assignment. This gig saved my life; my friends saved my life. Sam’s a big part of that and I can’t take the chance of losing her, as an officer or a friend. She’s too important to what we do."
Jack hesitated to comment on the heart of the matter, but decided to let him know what was the truth behind his reasoning.
"She just found out she might have cancer. Well, she’s pretty sure she does and it’s probably already spread. That’s why she’s here in Chicago - Mom met her at the clinic. I’m not sure she’s really dealt with this yet herself and I don’t want to add to the confusion. It only makes it that much more difficult for her. I never should have let it go that far this morning, not that we ‘did’ anything, but what we did do was wrong. As much as I enjoyed it, it shouldn’t have happened. I crossed the line and now I’m not sure how to fix it."
He finished with a sigh, leaning his back against the deck post, with his head bowed.
Amazed to hear this hardened soldier admit to his feelings, Matt stood and walked over to where Jack was standing with his hands in his pockets.
"Jack, I’m sure this thing between you and Sam will work out, you just have to believe it for yourself."
"Yeah, well, that’s a problem in and of itself. This ‘thing’ between us is, well, I’m not sure what it is, but it can’t happen right now." Frustrated, Jack resumed his pacing.
"Okay, if not now, when? How long do you plan to lie to her?" Knowing that at any moment he could be flat on his back via one pissed off Colonel, Matt took two steps back.
Jack closed the distance between them and hissed, "You know NOTHING about this, so butt out."
Doing an abrupt about face, Jack stormed off into the house, leaving Matt alone with his trembling body.
Freshening up in the hall bathroom, Sam heard the slam of the kitchen door and stepped out of the room, only to bump into the solid form of her C.O.
"Sorry sir, didn’t see you there."
Taking note of his rigid form, she deduced that he was extremely angered about something. With a deep calming breath, Sam ventured, "We need to talk."
"No, we don’t."
"Yes, Jack, we do." The look Sam saw on his face was one of shock and confusion.
Attempting to disregard her verbal slip, Jack repeated, "No, Carter, we don’t."
"Don’t do this to me Jack, I’m not sure I can handle it right now." Maintaining control of her emotions was becoming more difficult for Sam as the seconds passed.
Stunned by her words, Jack questioned softly, "What did you want to discuss?"
Looking around, Sam noticed Maggie sitting on the couch and Patty on the phone in the living room. "Not here."
Her head nodded toward the stairs, and Jack turned and made his way back up to their room.
"Okay, we’re alone, what did you want to talk about?"
"Jack, you know. We need to clear the air. I need to stop the thoughts that are spinning through my brain. I’m about to lose my mind over all this and I think that now is a very bad time for you to be playing dumb."
"Who’s playing?" Jack retorted, trying to lighten the mood.
She kept her voice firm but low enough not to be heard by those in the house.
"Ugh!! Could you please not do that? I need to figure this-this thing out between us, before we say or do something to ruin it. I’m trying to make sense of what happened this morning, hell, this whole week. I know the timing sucks, but it may be the only time I’ve got left. I refuse to ignore the screaming voice in my head anymore. I did that before and look where it’s got me."
Sam sat down on the bed with her hands covering her face.
"Sam, I’m sorry. I’m not quite sure what you want from me. I know what happened here was wrong—"
"No, it wasn’t, and please don’t say that it was. I started it, I’m not sure what possessed me to, but I did start it and I wanted you to finish it."
Standing up and facing him, she continued, "I need you to finish it. Please."
Stepping forward, Jack reached out a hand to her cheek. "Are you sure? I don’t want you to regret—"
"No regrets, remember. Of all the things I’ve done in my life, this is the one thing I’ve denied myself. I’m tired of living a lie." The last words she spoke, caused the tears brimming in her eyes to spill onto her cheeks.
Reminded of Matt’s words to him, Jack cupped her face in his hands and kissed the moisture from her cheeks.
"Me too. I need you, Sam, you know that right?"
His hesitant whisper brought the walls of her heart crashing down.
"Yes, Jack, I do. And I need you, too." Along her admission, Sam leaned forward and pressed her lips gently to his.
After reveling in the moment, Jack pulled away and said with a smirk, "You’re right though, we do need to talk, but maybe later?"
"Definitely later." Sam agreed with a smile and wrapped her arms around his waist.
Kissing him again, this time more passionately, they both lost themselves in the desire of here and now. For they both knew far too well that the future was never far away and was seldom certain.