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The Northumberland Experience

We all had a good day on Saturday 19th July. We had seen the sea, visited ancient
castles and gorgeous picturesque Northumberland villages. A super day culminated in
sampling the local hospitality over a fine meal washed down afterwards with numerous
alcoholic examples from a number of Alnwick hostelries.

An early start the following day saw everyone re-focused on the forthcoming event - a
14 mile race across coastal paths (some of which were more "coastal" and wetter than
others). Everyone who entered the race managed to finish it which in itself was an
achievement considering the previous nights activities.

As exhaustion began to creep in we set off once again on Dave's coach to find a nice
quite spot for Sunday lunch. The homework had been done meticulously via various
consultations with the Northumberland Tourist Board and we promptly set off for
Diane's café. The old adage of 'you had to be there' is no doubt relevant from here on
in however listed below are TRUE statements and comments from the faithful few who
survived the experience at Diane's Café.

1. We were attacked by wind chimes as we entered the café

2. "Help yourself to everything" (even her best plates)

3. The meal of a lifetime with cabaret provided by the gyrating dog - but don't take
your credit card!

4. Diane recounting her attack on a waitress the previous day - complete with the
actions.

5. The sunken bath (in the middle of the lawn) complete with gold taps.

6. The rusty metal re-enforced fencing covering the crater in the middle of the lawn.

7. The 'rock garden' (5 tons of boulders dumped)

8. Kidney punched and told to "move fatty"

9. "Do you take visa" - "Do we shite"

10. The locals marveling at the fact that we had actually eaten at Diane's and
subsequently assuring us that Northumberlanders were not all like her, then profusely
apologizing for our experience.

11. The knickers in the sink sounded enchanting

12. It was the first time a bus had been up the street and all the neighbors came out to
see. Diane said she was going to punch the neighbor on the nose for wanting to move his
car.

13. Being told not to leave Dennis behind in the lounge as she already had enough
ornaments.

14. Diane told Audrey to scrape the leftovers onto one plate. Janet asked if she
wanted us to wash up as well!

15. I was told to "sit down and shut up"; I never moved again, I daren't!

16. "Go get your own dinner, I'm not your Mother!'

17. All the elements for a good carry on film

18. How did she get all that food ready in a little kitchen with just kids for staff -
none of which would own up to her being their mother.

19. Yorkshire pudding hell - there were 200 of the things!

20. In her haste to be graceful she slipped over on top of the steps. We didn't know if
she was acting so no one dare move to help her!

21. John was summoned to the kitchen to face a crazy women wielding a 6 inch knife in
one hand and 2 bread cakes in the other - which was he going to get first?

22. The children's play area complete with trampoline, paddling pool and building
blocks!

23. Good job it wasn't raining.

24. Excellent service, a welcome in EVERY room, waitress service and a happy smile!

Self service carvery - unique atmosphere (you can say that again) - electric dialogue -
unrepeatable - an excellent end to an excellent weekend.

Now try and convince me that life is boring!

Thanks again to Linda and John.

Same place next year??????????????????????

Dave Johnson