| | I just couldn't help myself and had to start this topic off:
Upgraditis is something we will all suffer
from from time to time. We may not think so, but it will happen in some form or
another. The important thing is to recognise it, treat it and have proper
management after treatment to minimise recurrence.
What is
it
A burning need to spend money on a perceived better piece
of coffee kit, be it grinder, machine, roaster etc..and usually accompanied by
feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction until this is achieved
Symptoms
It is usually
manifested by feelings of either dissapointment or dissatisfaction with ones
current equipment, occasionally envy over the new equipment of someone else. You
start looking at new equipment, reading about the percieved benefits of one
widget over another. Even the ravings of members encouraging you to upgrade look
sensible, nay even desirable. You have a marked inability to calculate the value
of money and your credit card can be removed from your wallet as if it was
sprayed with WD40 or made of Teflon. 
Treatment
If treatment is
delayed the results can be serious, often your brain ends up shoved right up
your AR%$, where of course it ceases to work....and before you know it you have
a £10,000 versalab GS3 weighing 140lbs waiting to be plumbed into the mains and
without a hope of fitting on a totally inadequate kitchen work surface.  Of course if you were married with kids, you wont be much longer, but
then more money to spend on the machine.
Also sufferers sometimes
subconciously damage their existing machine...they don't realise they are doing
it...but the "well it's broken so I need another (better) one", often seems a
plausible excuse for the wife, or even oneself.
The usual (and widely
accepted) treatment is to wave your credit card around until someone grabs it
and exchanges it for a new bit of kit...this is the easy route and will often
only result in a temporary solution. It is also the most expensive form of
treatment. But I am going to suggest a few alternative therapies. 
1. Visualisation Therapy- Imagine you have the best espresso
machine there is...your just using one of its 8 groups , grind the coffee in your imaginary Malkohenig (unless you really
have one). Does that espresso taste good....does it taste great! Yes  , then think about all that money you just saved 
2. Getting a second hand bargain - Oh yes, oft tried and can
be a very succesfull form of therapy. But beware, these treatment regimes are
untried and there can be serious side effects. These include (but are not
limited to; swearing, cursing, cut fingers, water on the floor, long waits for
parts no longer made, head holding (because a part is so expensive, or doesn't
fit). When the treatment is sucessful, the results can be astounding...that
feeling of smugness to know that you have achieved your dream at a fractionof
the normal price, the envy of your friends etc.. When it doesn't work, because
you have a rusty, moth eaten pile of crap sitting in your kitchen that you don't
want to drink out of and doesn't work anyway....you are at your low point. With
your resistance this low, your only option is to get rid of it on e-bay
(remember theres 1000s of people looking for this alternative therapy, prehaps
you can help one of them ) .
3. I call this the Ostrich - You don't look at any other
machines, you don't read anything about new devices, you keep telling yourself
your machines are the best thing since sliced bread and your coffee tastes
great. This form of therapy is not only free but highly effective. There is only
one negative side effect to this particular treatment regime. You turn up at
someones house, having used Ostrich therpay for the last 10 years (or longer).
They of course have the latest and greatest prosumer espresso machine with
terrific grinder. you suddenly realise that the stuff you have been drinking
from your steam powered espresso machine and blade grinder tastes like s$%t and
has done for many years, the feeling of dissapointment that you have been
drinking crap for so long and unnecessarily is overwhelming and a serious
relapse of upgraditis can occurr with
expensive results. I would recommend to anyone using Ostrich therapy, that you
need to have an eye up your a%se just to keep abreast of what going on.
4. Denial - these simple acts of denial, lying wanting to upgrade or
refusing to discuss it, are clues that the person himself deep down inside knows
that he has a problem. If it's not a problem, why lie about it. Defenses are the specific way we ward off attacks on our denial. Some
defenses are conscious and we are aware of them. Others are subconscious. We use
both to keep our denial intact. Some common defenses are listed below
Minimizing: is admitting the
problem to some degree but in such a way that it appears to be much less serious
or significant than it actually is. "I am very happy with my current set-up"
"Sure, it would be NICE to upgrade, but its not really necessary".
Rationalizing: is making excuses or giving
reasons to justify your unwillingness to upgrade. "I have not really got the
money at the moment", "I have found a way to make much better coffee with my
existing setup; are some of the examples of rationalizing. The behavior is not
denied but an inaccurate explanation of its cause is given.
INTELLECTUALIZING or GENERALIZING: is avoiding
emotional, personal awareness of an upgraditis problem by using theories about
the needs, benefits and risks of upgrading, keeping it general and vague. "Are
those machines really reliable? Just the other day I was reading about problems
with them." "Lots of people have these great machines, is their coffee that much
better than mine" These are some examples of intellectualizing.
Aftercare
These are the
recommended procedures to (a) ensure short term happiness and prevent long term
recurrence. Whatever treatment regime you opted for (but especially important if
you spent money, the larger the amount the more important this is), is to
continue to espouse the benfits of what you have done, not only to yourself, but
to your significant other. Be warned this will often involve a significant and
some would say disproportionate amount of effort in making milk based drinks for
your spouse etc.. (especially cappuccinos). It's especially important to keep
telling yourself, this is it, this is the pinnacle, this is the last machine I
will ever need or want....oh yeah and try to believe it 
Keep your new purchase clean, nay spotless...the moment you
allow it to get dirty, not only do you risk the pointed jibes of your other half
about how much you spent and how you have "lost interest", you also risk the
dreaded upgraditis cos your machine
is looking a bit tired.
Lastly, stay away from certain members on this
forum, don't go to meets, shows or coffee related exhibitions and certainly
don't read anything I post 
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