The Times Magazine 10 November 2001
Cold Call
Alan Jackson calls Terry Wogan
Terry Wogan. 63. Lives in Buckinghamshire with his wife. Helen. They have three grownup children. He presents BBC Children in Need with Gaby Roslin on BBC1 this Friday.
Alan Jackson: A bone to pick! I once shunted my car because your blather distracted me. Someone calling himself Major Roadworks had written in, having found an old shoe by the side of the road. Eight-and-a-half. Thought it must be Fellini's... Then, back in the real world, crash-bang!
Terry Wogan: Ah, my correspondents! They take no prisoners. But they do take up ideas, and laterally, not vertically, which is something I encourage. For example, though I'm not one to dwell on pain, I did mention just the other day having had to jump out of bed due to an attack of cramp in my Leg. Immediately the suggestions came flooding in. Corks between the sheets are what you need. No, put a finger up your nose. Then there were those who'd misheard. Crabs? There's a very good unguent on the market now, you know. Or, what were you doing with a tramp in your bed in the first place?
AJ Misery is being strapped to a chair and forced to Listen to Chris Moyles and Sara Cox. Discuss.
TW: (laughing] Yes, one does tend to say something now and then that is a Little rash, and one lives to regret it. Very comfortable broadcasters both. What I object to about the current Radio One is that it's so self-consciously Eyebeefa, so very much Yoof. Too in-yer-face for my decrepit tastes at least.
AJ: The people no longer in the world whom you miss most are...?
TW: My father and mother, naturally. And I miss a man called Denis Meehan, who got me into radio in Ireland and taught me all I know. Also Mark White, who first brought me to the BBC. Bill Cotton. Wise men all. They knew about light entertainment.
AJ: Your parents. Which of their characteristics live on in you?
TW: I think the old bourgeois Irish virtues of respectability. honesty and fairness. Also, hopefully, a certain gentleness.
AJ: And what of Helen and yourself can you most readily see in your own children?
TW: From their mother, kindness, and in some of them from me, an impatience. You hope you teach them well, but the thing to remember is that they don't learn anything from what you tell them. They learn from watching you. From seeing what it is you actually do.
AJ: Always, stars have come and gone. Never before at such dizzying speed, though. Today's young celebrities...?
TW: Will find it tougher than ever actually to make it Long-term. Everything's so instantaneous and immediate. The print media plays its part in that, I'm afraid, celebrating and elevating people far too soon. Someone rises Like a rocketing pheasant, then there's a shot in the skies and, suddenly, feathers everywhere. Chris Evans is a case in point. A very nice fellow, who I Like and respect very much. I hope he'll soon be back. Al: Some of your tetchier Togs (Terry's old geezers, the unofficial listeners~ club) might have it that ours is a dumbed-down, coarsened, selfish world. Doesn't the amazing success of Children in Need give the lie to that?
TW: Oh, I'd say it does. I look for the best in others, and always have done. I have no real belief in any God... Religions tend to be based on the premise that we're all evil and will remain so until we give ourselves up to a redeemer, and I find I can't agree with that. So, yes, I believe that most people are intrinsically good. Not believing in very much else, I have to be able to believe in that.
Also from the same Magazine:
Global Village
1. Don't squat with your spurs on.
2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.
3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin'
it back in.
4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now
and then to make sure it's still there.
5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin' somebody else's dog around.
6. Never kick a cow pat on a hot day.
7. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one
works.
8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop
diggin'.
9. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
10. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
11. Always drink upstream from the herd.
12. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person,
don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
13. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it
thrown around by somebody else.
14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and
put it back in your pocket.
15. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
16. There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading.
The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on
the electric fence far themselves.
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