OTHER POLICIES

Constitutional Issues

Keep the Pound Instead of adopting the Euro (and the surrender of control of the economy which that would entail) we should retain the Pound, and restore our traditional Imperial currency of shillings and pence. Two shillings in a florin; three groats in a shilling; four farthings in a penny; five shillings in a crown; twelve pence in a shilling; twenty shillings in a pound. What on earth could be more simple or logical than that?
Devolution Support devolution in Scotland and Wales, but only for the English regions if they want it. But power should be transferred down from the centre, not upwards from the county councils. This would not necessarily mean more bureaucracy, but it would give better openness and democratic accountability to that which already exists.
House of Lords An independently nominated, diverse and balanced House of Lords would have a greater wealth of talent and experience than a second House of elected party political careerists.
Northern Ireland The decommissioning of terrorist weapons should be an objective of the peace process, not a precondition for talks. The only way forward is to allow negotiations by the representatives of the various communities, based on the electoral mandates which the voters have given. It must be recognised that the sectarian violence which blighted Northern Ireland for thirty years was the product of political issues and legitimate national grievances, not just "mindless" or "bigoted" anarchy.
Scrutiny There should be stronger scrutiny and accountability of the executive by committees, both in the House of Commons and in local authorities.
London Replace the Mayor of London with a leader elected by the GLA with day-to-day accountability to, and support from, the Assembly.
England I am a Unionist, and we should resist the establishment of an English Parliament. The answer to the West Lothian Question is that the people of England want to continue to be ruled by the U.K. Parliament.

Law and Order

Crime Successive home secretaries have been ineffective in combatting crime with illiberal schemes and gimmicks. We must oppose moves to erode habeas corpus, the presumption of innocence, or the use of jury trials. The detention of terrorist subjects without trial is unacceptable in the U.K., just as it is unacceptable in Guantanamo Bay.
Prison Prison conditions must be humane, and should concentrate on rehabilitating offenders so that they are less likely to reoffend. Criminals should go to prison as punishment, not for punishment. Fine defaulters and other trivial offenders should be kept out of prison.
Racism There should be tough laws to combat racist and fascist violence. We should prevent the inaccurate labelling of Muslims as terrorists, and counter the perception among some people that some ethnic groups are more British than others.
Asylum Seekers Asylum seekers whose claims are rejected should be deported swiftly rather than disappearing into the unofficial economy. Those who are here should be allowed to work rather than being forced to struggle on benefits of only £38 per week. We should be proud of the U.K.'s long history as a land of refuge, diversity and tolerance. Many immigrants and asylum seekers have contributed to the cultural diversity of the population, and have brought useful skills to the labour force which should be employed productively. We should resist and reject the inaccurate scapegoating of immigrants as parasites or criminals.
Immigration We should welcome adequate numbers of young skilled immigrants to enter legally in areas where there are skill shortages, so that the numbers can be controlled and tracked more effectively and legally, so that such people do not need to hide from the authorities. Most immigrants are hard-working, with degrees or professional qualifications and skills, and contribute more to the economy than they take out. Immigration and the free flow of labour is an important part of maintaining a stable economy, and provide the necessary support for the economic burden of supporting older and younger people.
Drugs I am against the legalisation of cannabis. It is more addictive, and more medically and psychologically damaging, than tobacco, and it often acts as a gateway drug to stronger and more dangerous drugs.
Police The recruitment of extra police officers will melt away if legitimate issues of morale are not met. They should be enabled to spend more time investigating assaults and burglaries, and less time filling forms.
Anti-Social Behaviour Large groups of teenagers are often intimidating to local residents and passers-by, even when they are not actually committing crimes individually. Young people need to take responsibility for their behaviour and should meet in each others' homes instead of hanging around on street corners. The police should have, and use, powers to disperse such groups, and to reduce the consumption of alcohol in public.
Rural Crime The murder which was committed by Tony Martin against a teenage burglar was unjustifiable, but it highlighted the desperation of some people at the extent of rural crime. We will reduce rural crime by reclassifying rural areas as urban.
Burglaries Householders are already allowed to use reasonable force to defend themselves, their families, and their property against burglars. There is no need to change the law in this area, and it is important to avoid the false legitimation of excessive force or violence when it is not appropriate.

Foreign Affairs and Defence

War on Terror I supported the Liberation of Iraq and Afghanistan, and I believe that there was a real danger of development of WMDs in Iraq in the future even if not in the present. The occupation of Iraq has now become counter-productive, and the occupying forces must be withdrawn.
Occupation Those who launch a war to liberate a country also have the responsibility of securing the peace, and preventing anarchy, in the aftermath of that war. Some of the Allied governments do not seem to have thought this through properly, and are not fully conscious of the need to respect the sovereignty of the new Iraqi government. The situation in Iraq has now deteriorated to such an extent that continued occupation has become counter-productive. In the long term, the driving force for democracy and freedom in Iraq must come from, and be sustained by, the Iraqi masses themselves - whether this is as a continuing united Iraq or as separate Kurdish and Shia nations.
International Security I reject the simplistic labelling of North Korea, Syria and Iran as the "axis of evil". The USA is becoming increasingly bellicose towards smaller nations, and I support moves towards peaceful democratic reform within those countries rather than aggressive wars of imperialist plunder under the guise of liberal western values.
Lockerbie I have never believed that Libya had anything to do with the Lockerbie bombing, and the convicted prisoner Megrahi must be released as soon as possible. There must be a proper enquiry into the roles which may have been played by Iran and Syria in this atrocity.
Cyprus I recognise the independence and sovereignty of the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus. It is based on the self-determination of the local people after the unconstitutional attempt at domination by Greek nationalists in 1974; the two separate Cypriot states should only be allowed to join the EU separately, and not on the basis of one part claiming on behalf of the whole island.
Zimbabwe Zimbabwe must be allowed to solve its own economic and social problems without external interference. The land redistribution programme may have been handled badly, but it is correct in principle. There is no evidence that the opposition Movement for Democratic Change, or its leader Morgan Tsvangirai, would be able to manage the economy better.
Nepal The best solution for Nepal would be a constitutional monarchy, with the retention of King Gyanendra as a national figurehead over a democratic people's government - whether that includes Maoists and/or bourgeois democratic parties. If Nepal becpmes a republic, it will be mainly because of the stubbornness of the King himself.
Gibraltar The OMRLP will never abandon or betray Gibraltar. There is no question of joint sovereignty, or transfer of authority to Spain, unless the people of Gibraltar specifically want it. At the moment, there is simply nothing to negotiate about, and any talks about sharing sovereignty will be abandoned.
Defence If there is any point in U.K. forces taking part in military actions in Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia or anywhere else, then they must be properly equipped with suitable uniforms and weapons. There should not be any of the cutting of corners which has forced soldiers recently to share bullet-proof jackets, or to buy their own boots because the official ones couldn't stand the heat. Conventional defence spending must be maintained at an efficient and viable level.
Nuclear Significant savings can be made by unilateral nuclear disarmament. The destructive power of nuclear weapons is so vast and grotesque that there is no point in having them, maintaining or keeping them, or on spending any taxpayers' money on them in any way. For as long as the U.K. possesses nuclear weapons, An OMRLP government will not use them under any circumstances - either in a first-use capacity, or as retaliation for the strikes of enemy countries. Bogus international games of nuclear bluff and blackmail can be left to the USA. I am concerned that the USA has, since the early 1990s, abandoned its policy of "no first strike" and now claims the legal right to use nuclear weapons in wars, even on a first-use basis, or to "end" an existing conventional war.
Korea The six-party talks on the solution of the Korean situation have recently produced an agreed statement in which the USA, for the first time, accepted the principle of the need to de-nuclearise the Korean peninsula. It has been forced into this position by the steadfast position of the DPRK, which is determined to defend itself and is willing to stand up to imperialist intimidation. But the USA is now reneging on the terms which it has already agreed, and is refusing to honour its pledge to assist North Korea with the development of light water reactors for peaceful energy purposes. The government of North Korea will be willing to accept international inspectors, and begin the process of denuclearisation, if the USA is willing to deliver on its promises instead of ignoring them. The USA must not be allowed to re-instate the goal of denuclearisation as a precondition for progress to steps which it has previously agreed.

Culture and Sport

Golf Golf courses take up a large amount of land which could otherwise be used for more environmentally-friendly diverse uses, such as woodland, ponds, or nature reserves. We should impose a punitive tax on golf courses to protect the environment, as well as discouraging golf-players from enticing impressionable youngsters into their peculiar sporting activities.
Tennis Our Lovely Tim Henman, who is undoubtedly the best tennis player in the world, has been defeated at Wimbledon every year for the last few years by evil ugly players such as Pete Sampras or Goran Ivanisevic, who arrogantly and impertinently cheat by winning matches against him because they are jealous of his gorgeousness. This blatant cheating has been helped by the incompetence and corruption of the judges and officials who turn a blind eye. A Loony government will sweep away this corruption at Wimbledon, and thereby allow Tim Henman to win.
Lottery Money from the Lottery will be redirected to provide generous grants to reward gorgeous people, such as Peter Phillips, James Alexandrou, Prince Harry, and Alex Pettyfer. Handsome American actors such as Leonardo DiCaprio or Matt Damon will be encouraged to settle in the U.K. and be on television more often.
Millennium We should make the Millennium Bridge wobbly again as a monument to the high standards of traditional British engineering and architecture. We will ensure that the start of the next Millennium is celebrated on the correct date (1st January 3001) and anybody who celebrates a year early will undergo corrective re-education in the Dome.

Welfare

Benefits An integrated tax and benefit system will end poverty traps and introduce negative income tax for low income people.
Pensions We should restore the link between pensions and earnings, and end means-testing, as it is a disincentive to saving. In the long term, there should be a Personal Portable Pension scheme which will enable every employee to transfer an individual pension from job to job, and which the employee will be able to top up with extra private funds.
Childcare The benefits system should support mothers who prefer to stay at home looking after young children rather than going to work elsewhere. Child-rearing is a worthwhile job in itself, and there is little point in rearranging the labour market in child-minding if it means forcing mothers to go to unwanted jobs away from their children.
Health The last fifty years has seen a never-ending increase in expenditure on the NHS, but the waiting lists and winter crises are still just as bad as ever. We should investigate the possibilities for further charges and internal market mechanisms in order to reduce waste, duplication and unnecessary treatments, and to reduce secondary infections.
MRSA One in ten patients who enter hospital for invasive surgery acquires a superbug or other type of infection while they are in hospital. This adds a huge extra cost to the NHS in treating patients and keeping them in hospital for longer. In the last 20 years the number of hospital cleaners has almost halved, and this is clearly a false economy. Nurses and doctors should wash their hands in between every patient, and cleaners should be recruited, trained and paid properly.
HIV issues HIV transmission should not be criminalised when the two parties to sexual activity both consent. People who are HIV+ should be protected from unfair discrimination in employment or the provision of public health services, and should not be subjected to immigration screening.
Abortion Abortion should be available on demand to those women who need it. The current system requiring authorisation by two doctors only serves to delay the process; that unnecessary delay causes extra emotional and medical difficulties for all those involved. Wherever possible, terminations should be at an early stage of pregnancy before the foetus has developed a proper nervous system. The legal limit should be reduced from 24 to 18 weeks.
Chocolate Free chocolate (and vegan alternatives) will be provided for pensioners, students, the unemployed and low-income groups. This will be integrated into the benefits system and will complement the Loony health strategy.

Taxation

Inheritance Abolish inheritance tax. Life savings of the elderly have already been taxed during their working lives, and they should be allowed the dignity of passing on their savings and property to their children and grandchildren.
Indirect Maintain a healthy balance between indirect/stealth taxes and direct/income tax, to maintain proper investment in public services. (The good thing about stealth taxes is that people are less aware of paying them).
Petrol Abolish the London congestion charge, and raise the necessary revenue by increasing substantially the tax on petrol - it is easy to collect, difficult to evade, and the tax paid depends directly on the amount of pollution created. An increase in the tax on petrol could also be expanded to replace the vehicle licensing tax and car insurance as well - they too are easy to evade and could be combined in a single tax on petrol itself. This simplified system would have the fundamental advantage of taxing motorists in proportion to the amount of road usage, and the level of pollution caused by the vehicle.
Aerosols Introduce a heavy tax on aerosol spray cans to raise the money to clear up graffiti.
Local Introduce a Local Income Tax to replace the Council Tax.

Transport, Energy and the Environment

Petrol The extra revenue can benefit the environment if it is directed to greater investment in buses, trains, and trams.
Energy Research and develop alternatives to fossil fuels, and phase out nuclear energy which is too expensive and potentially dangerous. There is a lot of energy in chocolate. If it is good for people, why not cars? In the long term, we should invest in safe renewable sources of energy: wind, wave, tide and sun are all plentiful and can be made viable in the long run. There must be an alternative to the coal and oil which are poisoning the planet.
Calendar The calendar will be decimalised, and the year will be reduced from twelve months to ten. The abolition of January and February will save a fortune in heating bills, and will bring about a great reduction in the deaths of old people from hypothermia.
Renewable We should co-operate internationally to prevent the erosion of the rainforests, diverse environments and endangered species. At home, this means much more recycling and less packaging. More trees will be planted in order to combat the rise in fewer trees.
GM Food Crops have been genetically modified for hundreds of years, and I reject the demonisation of GM foods as being "Frankenstein food" or necessarily unhealthy.
Road Safety Safe crossing points on roads should provide protection to all animals, not just zebras and pelicans. We should also invest in research to develop the manufacture and deployment of orange, yellow and blue tarmac, so that road surfaces will be matched to the colours depicted in maps and atlases.
Traffic Lights This country will not become a true democracy until the oppressive and degenerate traffic light colours of red, amber and green are replaced by purple, turquoise and beige.
Whinge Cameras Never mind the argument about speed cameras - we should also have Whinge Cameras. An automatic £50 fine for anyone who says "They should catch real criminals", or "It's political correctness gone mad".

Countryside

Fishing Fishing will recover after withdrawal from the EU, as we will be able to manage the nation's fish stocks better.
Farming Farmers should be subjected to more market forces and fewer subsidies from the taxpayer.
Animals As far as practicable, there should be humane treatment of animals in battery farming or medical experimentation. But there are still valuable benefits to be gained from these industries.
Hunting I am opposed to fox-hunting, not only because it is cruel to the fox, but also because of the hypocrisy of those who partake in it. They say that it helps to integrate rural communities but the horses trample on fields, crops and private gardens as well as out in the open. The huntspeople also breed foxes in some areas, specifically to maintain their numbers high enough to enable hunting to take place. I welcome the fact that this so-called "sport" has now been banned, although it is only one step towards the Complete Normalisation of the countryside.

Education

Curriculum Reduce the national curriculum to a core of numeracy, literacy, grammar, and traditional phonics and arithmetic.
Traditional Ensure proper teaching of basic traditional knowledge in history and geography.
Religion Religious education should be in the facts and traditions of multiple faiths, not indoctrination in one. There should be freedom of religion, but also freedom from religion for those who want to be non-committal. No schools should be allowed on the basis of indoctrinating children in any one faith, whether it is Christian, Muslim or whatever.
Treacle Pudding We should provide compulsory treacle pudding lessons, on a voluntary basis, for all centenarians.
Universities Universities should be able to charge variable tuition fees on students, who should pay for the benefits of university. There is a natural limit on the number of people who can be usefully educated at degree level, and we should not pursue expansion for its own sake. A graduate repayment scheme will not be a disincentive to those who are suitably qualified and motivated.
Concentration The Millenium Dome should become a Concentration Camp - a corrective re-education centre for people who insist on using incorrect apostrophes (such as in the word "its"), or who make basic spelling and grammatical errors such as "between you and I" instead of "between you and me", or "conTROVersy" instead of "CONtroVERsy".

Equality

Discrimination There should be proper enforcement of laws against discrimination on grounds of age, sex, race, sexuality or disability.
Gay Issues It is welcome that the age of consent has been equalised at 16 for everybody, and that Section 28 has been repealed. But that is not the end of the road: we must push for full equality for gay people, including equal rights in marriage/partnership registration, adoption, immigration of partners, taxation, welfare, inheritance, employment, and social questions such as hospital visiting, funerals, and next-of-kin issues.
Gay Day We will research into the science of genetics and aim to establish a "Gay Day" every year on which attractive and handsome heterosexual people will be able to become gay for 24 hours so that they can enjoy and appreciate their own gorgeousness.
Invisible People Invisible people always make a nuisance of themselves by getting in the way and poking innocent passers-by for no reason. We will establish specialist squads to find and catch invisible people by spraying them with paint. When they have been found, invisible people will be exterminated. Then they might learn to be a bit more reasonable.