The English language is dying on its feet. Everywhere, by almost everyone, words are misused, mispronounced, and generally abused - even by television presenters, which is doubtless the mechanism by which such ill-use so quickly becomes the accepted norm. It is our very earnest endeavour to stamp out this nonsense, though I fear that the damage is great and we may be too late. Nevertheless, dear reader, you should read the list of common errors below, and judge for yourself the number of which you are habitually guilty, simply because that's the way everybody else says it. Inevitably, there will be those who accuse us of pedantry; well, be that as it may, the pedants are revolting.

1. There is no such thing as 'a phenomena'

The word 'phenomena' is plural, and the correct usage is 'a phenomenon. Phenomena come in groups, just like the phenomenon of busses arriving in threes.

2. There is no such thing as 'a criteria'

The same rules apply here. One judges something by a set of criteria, but each member of that set is a criterion.

3. There is no such thing as an 'asterix'

Asterix is a cartoon character. The little star-shaped thing on your keyboard is and asterisk. This error is committed habitually by nine out of ten IT workers, but we can forgive them because illiteracy is an essential qualification for the job. Everyone else should take note.

4. There is no such thing as 'a mute point'

The word mute means silent, and has nothing to do with the case. The correct word here is moot. It derives from Anglo-Saxon, and originally meant a sort of council meeting for a community, which was held in a moot hall. Hence, a moot point is simply something that is open to discussion or debate. If you can't remember which of these two words to use, remain mute.

5. There is no such thing as an 'anenemy'

The word anemone is, admittedly, a bit of a tongue-twister. However, many people these days pronounce it 'an enemy', which is wrong; the correct pronunciation is 'an-em-o-nee'. Astonishingly, four out of five of the television presenters on 'Gardeners World' get this wrong. Amazing. The late, great Geoff Hamilton, however, always got it right.

6. There is no such thing as 'a foul swoop'

This is an old, perennial favourite that never seems to go out of fashion. The expression you're looking for is 'a fell swoop. Please don't ask me why, because I've no idea of the phrase's derivation. Just make sure you say fell rather than foul.

7. The word harass is not pronounced 'her-ASS'

Given the context in which this word is most often used, the common pronunciation of 'herASS', with the stress on the second syllable, might seem appropriate. It is however, wrong; this version was invented by Michael Crawford in the early seventies situation comedy "Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em", and has now been universally adopted as the 'correct' version, even by television presenters. Well, it isn't; the correct pronunciation is 'HA-russ', with the stress on the first syllable. This is the single most annoying mispronunciation I can think of.

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