Getting married, or having a marriage blessed
at St Lawrence's
This web-page is designed to try to help answer some
of the bigger questions surrounding a wedding, or the blessing of wedding,
at St Lawrence's. But the most important thing we can encourage you to do is to
contact us at the earliest opportunity.
Can I be married at St Lawrence's?
What if I have been married before?
Blessings
How do I book?
Banns
What if I or my partner are not Church of England?
What does it cost?
Preparing for Marriage
More Information
CAN I
BE MARRIED AT AT LAWRENCE'S?
It is of course a
pre-requisite that neither you nor your fiancé(e) are already still married, nor are in a Civil
Partnership!
There are legal restrictions on where you can be
married - and most of these are not church rules, but are laid out by the
State
because a marriage is also a legal contract. Put simply (but not in
legal language), there are two main ways of fulfilling the required legal
preliminary to being married - either Banns must be called, or a Licence
must be obtained.
To be married at St Lawrence's
by Banns:-
| either |
At
least one of you must live within the parish boundaries.
We will tell you
where these are when you first enquire about getting married. |
| or |
At
least one of you must be on our church electoral (membership) roll.
To join it, you must first worship with us regularly for at
least six months prior to Banns being called. |
| or |
You
have a “qualifying connection” as defined by the Marriage Act which
came into force on October 1st 2008.
This means that you were baptised
or confirmed in the parish, or that you or your parents have lived here
for at least 6 months or worshipped regularly here for 6 months at some
point, or that your parents or grandparents were married here.
Evidence
may be required to support these qualifications, or you may be required to
make a sworn statement. |
See below for more details about how Banns are
called.
If
you can’t meet any of the 3 criteria, you may be able to be married by
“Special Licence”, which is granted by the Archbishop of Canterbury.
However this licence costs more and is slightly more complicated to arrange. Licences
are only granted under certain conditions. You will need to contact us to
discuss this.
Additionally,
they may be other restrictions if you have been married previously, and your
former partner is still alive. (See below.)
WHAT
IF I HAVE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE?
If your former partner has died, there is usually no problem.
Otherwise, under certain circumstances we will conduct marriages of those who have been divorced
and whose former partner is still alive.
However,
the issue of re-marriage is a complex and delicate one, affecting not only you
but also the wider community, especially the members of your first family, so
we will need to talk carefully to you both about this. The final decision rests
with the parish priest.
WEDDINGS
or BLESSINGS
Some priests, if they feel unable to conduct the marriage of a couple in
church because of a previous divorce, will offer instead to conduct a wedding blessing
(a service of prayer and dedication after a civil marriage). We see
this, however, as a less-than-satisfactory arrangement. If we feel we cannot marry you,
we are usually unlikely to
feel that we can offer you a "blessing" either.
We are, however, very happy to conduct wedding blessings for other reasons - for
example, if you want to renew your vows on a special anniversary or if you
have been married overseas and want a ceremony in this country so that your
friends and family can celebrate with you. If either of you is divorced, we
would apply the same criteria when making the decision whether to agree to the
blessing as we would if you were to be married here.
HOW
DO I BOOK A WEDDING?
Please contact us to arrange a time when you can come to book the wedding. This
interview will normally take place at the Vicarage.
BANNS
'Calling
the banns' is a legal requirement if you are to be married in the Church of
England. For three Sundays, the minister leading the main service will read out your names and announce that you are
planning to get married. This gives people in the local community a chance to
object if they know of a reason why you cannot legally marry. (If you marry in
a registry office, your names would be displayed for 3 weeks before the
wedding for the same reason.)
We
will read your banns typically at the main service (usually 9:45am) on the first three
Sundays of the month before the wedding. I will discuss with you the dates of the
banns. You don’t have to be in church to hear them, although a lot of
couples like to be there.
If
one of you lives in another parish, you must have your banns read there as
well. You can find out which is your parish church on the website "
A Church Near You" , by entering your postcode and then
clicking on the map where you live. Banns must be read during the three months
before the wedding. Please contact the other church in good time so that they
can arrange this. When the banns have been called in the other church, they
will give you a certificate (cost £34 in 2009) which you must bring to us. We
cannot marry you if we have not seen this certificate.
WHAT
IF MY PARTNER ISN'T CHURCH OF ENGLAND?
If your partner is, for example, a Roman Catholic or a Methodist, or of another
faith, their banns must still be read in their local CHURCH OF ENGLAND church.
This is a purely legal requirement. If
you would like a minister from another denomination to take part in the
ceremony, we will be happy to discuss this. For legal reasons, however, a
Church of England minister must conduct the exchange of vows.
PAYING
FOR THE WEDDING or BLESSING
Wedding
fees are made up of a number of charges.
There are fees paid for the main Wedding or Blessing service; there are separate charges for the organist, choir, bells etc.
We will give you details of the fees when you book the wedding, but they will go
up slightly on 1st January each year.
PREPARING
for MARRIAGE
When
you book your wedding, the priest will normally expect to meet you on four occasions
prior to the marriage:
(1) To cover all the legal issues, fees, and discuss basic questions about
what can/cannot happen;
(2) A Bible Study (the idea is to give you thoughts on possible Bible passages,
some of which you may not have been aware);
(3) Putting the Service together (lots of options - and of course music, readings
and hymns);
(4) The Rehearsal (typically a week before the event)
In addition you will be invited to a one-day Marriage Preparation
course, called "Growing Together". This is run jointly by a group of
churches in the Sevenoaks area. You can find out more here.
Attendance at this course is not compulsory, but we strongly advise you to take
up the opportunity if you can. Even if you have been together for some time
already, it will help you to think about your relationship. The day will be
very relaxed and informal, and you will meet with other couples preparing for
marriage, so you will be able to share your experiences together and encourage
one another.
A wedding is not just a personal celebration; it is also a legal ceremony,
marking a change in your legal status. Because of this, there are rules made
by the government about how the service is conducted; by whom, where, and what
is said within it.
However, within those limits we can work with you to plan a service which will be
special for you. Ultimately the form the service takes is at the discretion of
the priest who conducts it, but we like to be flexible and we really look
forward to hearing
your ideas and helping you plan. For example, the law says that you
can't write your own vows, but you can write your own prayers, choose readings
or poems, and choose the music. So, don't be afraid to ask if there is
something special you would like.
There
are two different types of service which we can use. One uses modern words, and
the other uses older traditional words for the vows.
Whichever
service you choose will last about 50 minutes, and will contain not only the
legal exchange of vows, but also a Bible reading, prayers, a blessing, a short
address and the signing of the Marriage Registers.
MORE INFORMATION
Please contact:
The Revd Michael Cooke, St Lawrence Vicarage, Stone Street, Seal,
Sevenoaks, Kent TN15 0LQ
Telephone 01732 761766.
Our main Sunday service is at 9:45am. We would love to see you there as you prepare for your wedding. Children are always welcome.
WEBSITES
The
Church of England’s official website.
The
Faculty Office. This site has information about applying for special
licences.
Copyright advice. Copying words of hymns ,
for a service sheet, for example (the church has a copyright licence to cover
this, but we will need to check that the hymns you want are covered.)
Video recording licence (A professional
video recording company will probably have this, but if you are using an
amateur it is your responsibility to make sure any recording you make -
especially of music used in church and at the reception - is legal.)
For general advice this site is
usually fairly reliable and sensible.
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