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More Bull-shit


The last couple of weeks I seem to have had some good games of darts with a few spectacular starts, but as always with darts there was a lot of Bull-shit flying about. My run of luck started against the Red Lion when in the 3 singles legs I played I had 2 X 120 shanghai breaks and then in the next leg, the first of the doubles I had a 105 break. 3 out of 4 legs with a ton plus start isn't bad in my book! At the time I said it was likely to be my only claim to fame this season considering the way I usually play!

The next weeks match had some absolute rubbish, but the game started spectacularly with one of my mates, John Fawdrey who went up first and in one leg broke with 60 followed by 81 leaving 160. Then like an idiot I shouted out "Bet you can't finish that!" So he did. 9 Darts. Brilliant. That cost me a pint. John will do anything for a free pint! Next I went up to follow. The first leg was scrappy, but in the second leg I broke straight away with 160. Of course some idiot said, "Go on finish it." I didn't get it, but left Bull (with a 91 score) after a total of 6 darts.

Now I never go for a bull finish if it can be avoided, but like a fool I went for it, for my first ever 7 darter with my opponent  back on 217 I think and no finish. Of course I really messed it up taking another dozen darts to leave 16 and still missing it letting Geof crawl down with yet another dozen darts and win, and he took the next leg as well. In my doubles I played the same chap again. I broke with 105 the same as last week, but with a score of 140 coming down we still managed to lose that one!

After playing the way I did my captain thought I was messing about and not really trying to win (he hasnít known me that long) and he sent me this E-mail a couple of days later;-

Hi Alan,
          First off I want to apologise for getting so ratty with you last Wednesday. I'm sorry. You have to be one of the most infuriating men I've ever met, you have the ability to not only beat, but totally destroy other opponents. Your reluctance to do this is what really winds me up, I canít do that and I really wish I could. I would really like you to go out and beat your opponent 2-0 and not give them a leg, but I shouldn't have got so funny with you last week.

I replied;-


        Don't give it a second thought after over 30 years playing darts I've managed to upset a lot of people! To be quite honest I don't know what makes me throw world class one minute and like a w..nk..r the next. Although John will tell you I've always been a w..nk..r and the good darts are not really me at all, but my other self! I just don't know how to make myself turn it on, but I know how to wind John up to make him go as you saw with his 160 finish! I always play to win regardless of what others tell you and sometimes try and hide my poor games by joking that I wanted my moneys worth by playing all 3 legs

The captain sent me another E-mail with more Bull-shit;-

I really, really want to win this league, and I'm well aware that the team is massively under strength when youíre not in it. With you in the team we can beat anyone. Anyway, as long as there is no hard feelings thatís good.

To which I replied;-


I am no superstar, I just have a bit of luck, (Don't forget Hartley's Jam) have been playing a long time and as John says, we older players have seen it all so don't get phased by any opposition. It's senility and general old age that affects our game and not usually nerves like you youngsters! (Mike is in his late 30ís) Experience and confidence is 99% of what the game is about and being relaxed I think covers the other 1%. I did read a report once that said natural ability was directly linked to intelligence, but I won't even go there, at least not in print in case you show this to Stuart! I had better add that his experience is starting to show now that he is winning the odd game! (Stuart is one of our not so good players to put it politely for those that donít know him)

The article that I referred to about natural ability in the E-mail was some research that one idiot had carried out with a group of University students. It is obviously a load of Bull-shit though, because Stuart (Who I have just mentioned) is quit a clever chap, whereas I donít think that can be said of all the professional dart players around, not that I have met many of them, I must admit.