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Very Rude Limericks - BE WARNED!
There was a young lady called Riddle
Who had an untouchable middle.
She acquired many friends
Because of her ends,
For it isn’t the middle you diddle.
An insatiable lady from Spain,
Had sex on the brain,
She liked it again,
And again, and again,
And again, and again, and again.
There was a young fellow called Lancelot
Whose neighbours looked on him askance a lot.
Whenever he’d pass
A pretty young lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.
A vice both obscure and unsavoury
Kept the Bishop of Chester in slavoury.
‘Midst terrible howls
He deflowered young owls
In a crypt fitted out as an aviary.
There was a young lady named McDuff
With a lovely luxuriant muff.
In his haste to get in her
One eager beginner,
Lost both his balls in the rough.
There was a young dentist called Stone
Who saw all his patients alone.
In a fit if depravity
He filled the wrong cavity,
Good Lord! How his practice has grown!
An agreeable girl called Miss Doves
Likes to fondle the young men she loves.
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist,
But she really prefers to wear gloves.
There was a young woman called Gloria
Who was had by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,
By six other men,
Sir Gerald again,
And the band of the Waldorf-Astoria.
There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a knobbing machine.
Concave or convex
It would suit either sex,
attachments for those in between.
There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who had a funny feeling.
She lay on her back
Opened a crack
And pissed all over the ceiling.