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Very Rude Limericks - BE WARNED!

There was a young lady called Riddle

Who had an untouchable middle.

She acquired many friends

Because of her ends,

For it isn’t the middle you diddle.


An insatiable lady from Spain,

Had sex on the brain,

She liked it again,

And again, and again,

And again, and again, and again.


There was a young fellow called Lancelot

Whose neighbours looked on him askance a lot.

Whenever he’d pass

A pretty young lass,

The front of his pants would advance a lot.


A vice both obscure and unsavoury

Kept the Bishop of Chester in slavoury.

‘Midst terrible howls

He deflowered young owls

In a crypt fitted out as an aviary.


There was a young lady named McDuff

With a lovely luxuriant muff.

In his haste to get in her

One eager beginner,

Lost both his balls in the rough.


There was a young dentist called Stone

Who saw all his patients alone.

In a fit if depravity

He filled the wrong cavity,

Good Lord! How his practice has grown!


An agreeable girl called Miss Doves

Likes to fondle the young men she loves.

She will use her bare fist

If the fellows insist,

But she really prefers to wear gloves.


There was a young woman called Gloria

Who was had by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,

By six other men,

Sir Gerald again,

And the band of the Waldorf-Astoria.


There was a young man from Racine

Who invented a knobbing machine.

Concave or convex

It would suit either sex,

With attachments for those in between. 


There was a young lady from Ealing,

Who had a funny feeling.

She lay on her back

Opened a crack

And pissed all over the ceiling.