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Rude Limericks

There was a young lady of Dover

Whose passion was such that it drove her

To cry when she came,

“Oh dear, what a shame!

Well now we just have to start over.”


A student of music from Sparta

Was a truly magnificent farter;

On the strength of one bean,

He’d fart God Save The Queen,

And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.


There was a young gigolo, Meek,

Who invented a lingual technique.

It drove women frantic,

Made them feel romantic,

And wore all the beard from his cheek.


There was a young woman called Hall

Wore a newspaper to a ball.

The dress caught on fire

And burned her entire,

Front page, sporting section, and all.


There was a young man of Australia

Who painted his arse like a dahlia.

The drawing was fine,

The colour divine,

But the scent – alas – was a failure.


There was a young lady from Norway

Who hung by her heels from a doorway.

She said to her beau,

“Look at this Joe,

I think I’ve discovered one more way.”


There was a young maiden called Flynn

Who thought fornication a sin,

But when she was tight

It seemed quite alright,

So everyone filled her with gin.