The Gospel acording to St. Phillip of Sterndale.

And on the eighth day (when he had rested and was feeling, frankly, rather on the ball) God created the leaf spring.

The leaf spring articulated well, was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place and God saw that it was good. Not known for his modesty, the lord looked upon his spring and was rather chuffed, to say the least.

So pleased was the Lord with his creation that he considered, for a while, uncreating the foot, which he had created the week before and adorned with a red sock. The leaf spring had rendered the foot useless and those who bore the foot with the red sock had already become pious and uninteresting but God relented and allowed the foot to remain.

For generations man used the spring created by the lord and found that it articulated well and was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place and the worshipped the Lord for his creation.

There lived in the firery pits of Hades the evil lord Beelzibub and on a visit to the earth he looked upon the lord’s creation and was envious of the way man worshipped the lord for the way his spring articulated well and was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place.

And sensing that the time was right Beelzibub decided that he would lead man away from the way of the Lord and his creation.

Beelzibub appeared unto man and did take his own coiled, metallic tail, which he gave to man and did say: Here is a new kind of spring that is called a coil spring and it articulates well (although he did not mention that it articulated no better than the lord’s spring and was prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place).

Man, being stupid, did look upon the new spring and did think that it was good, even though it articulated no better than the lord’s spring and was prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place.

Beelzibub was pleased and, being on a bit of a roll, did then take the metallic scaley skin from his body and did give it unto man and did say here is something that is called chequer plate that you may walk safely, and without slipping, on the vertical surfaces of your landrover. Man, being stupid, did look also upon the chequer plate and did think that it was good.

Meanwhile the Lord did return from his post-creation holidays and did look upon the earth and did see that many men (who were stupid) had forsaken the lords spring, even though it articulated well and was not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place, for the devils spring. The Lord was displeased and did call the coil spring gay (In the same way that he did call gay the men who did covet the bottoms of other men, especially as he had gone to so much trouble to invent girls, with tits and that).

The Lord did then notice that man had adorned his landrover with chequer plate and did call that Gay too. The Lord did then call white spoked wheels, that some men had shod their landrovers with, gay. The Lord did also notice that some men had adorned their landrovers with deep sills so to appear as skirts, in the hope of attracting men who did covet the bottoms of other men, and did call them gay too.

And so did the Lord eventually tire of calling things gay and so did create the interweb and with it OLLR so that it may continue, on his behalf, to preach the word of the Lord’s spring that articulates well and is not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place.

And the Lord did say unto the admin of OLLR: ‘Thou shalt preach the word of the leafspring, that articulates well and is not prone to breaking and leaving bits lying all over the place, and thou shalt, on behalf of the Lord, call things gay and all things that thou shalt call gay shall be gay and so it shall be.