Fishy Tails
I apologise in
advance for my sense of humour!!
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other, "I can fire the gun, can you drive this
thing?"
Up
Close and Personal with Piranha
I used to work in a children's
home where I had a room too. I had 8 tanks in the room, one of which was a 4
footer with a pair of piranha. It was an excellent behaviour tool for the kids;
behave or you get to feed the fish. In a small room this meant that the big
tank had to be beside the door, parallel to and about three foot from my bed.
The night staff was
great if I was on a day shift, they would come round about 7, knock on the door
and get me out of my pit. Fred was probably the most efficient. There would be
a loud bang on the door, it would open and a hand would reach for the light
switch. The door would then close with a resounding BANG. When Fred woke you
stayed wakened.
Piranha, as you may
know, are messy fish, so once a week I removed the hood of the tank and hung a
big power filter on the front to give it a good clean.
Enter Fred. Loud
bangs, sudden lights followed by more loud bangs followed by sudden movement as
I threw back the duvet. Too much for one of the pair. Knocking aside the flimsy
plastic condensation tray this fish launched into a leap, landing on the bed
right between my legs! Sleeping as I did au naturel, you might
understand my consternation. I have NEVER got out of bed so fast. The fish
continued to leap about, its next move to the floor, right between me and the
cupboard where I kept my nets. Back on the bed for me! I managed to get a net
under the beast, started to lift it back into the tank but nothing that simple!
The fish decided it liked the floor. Those teeth are sharp! Right through the
net and back to the floor. After a few more seconds leaping on and off the bed
I did eventually get a second net, grabbed the fish in these improvised tongs
and got it back in the tank.
I sold the piranha
not long after this. The excuse I gave was that they were boring, hiding in the
back of the tank all the time. They DID, HONEST!
Two parrots on a
perch. One turns to the other, "Can you smell something fishy?"
The
Fish Bites Back; told to me by a pet store owner in SW Scotland.
One of the landed
gentry of the area strolls haughtily into the shop one day. " I have a
space in my sitting room. I think an aquarium would be appropriate." No
problem, the guy drives out, measures up and returns a couple of days later
with a two foot tank and all the fittings. Having set it all up he tells her
ladyship to come into the shop two weeks later to choose some fish. "I'll
have that one" she says, pointing to a 10" Oscar. He explains that
the tank isn't big enough. "Then get me one that is!" OK, he goes
out, strips down the 2 footer and replaces it with a 4 footer, complete with
cabinet to match the decor. "I will not require a hood, the wall lighting
will be sufficient" Of course.
One week after the
fish is installed a most distressed and irate phone call. "Come and take
this beastly fish away NOW!"
One of the other
residents of the house is a moth eaten cat, a respected family pet of several
years standing. The curious feline decides that Oscar is a new toy and climbs
onto the tank frame to try to catch it. Sadly for moggy the Oscar decides that
this is the appropriate time to re-arrange the gravel by doing a power dive.
Down goes the fish, up comes the water, splash goes the cat then out the door
and up the nearest tree! The gardener obligingly gets the ladder, rescues the cat
and returns it to the house. The cat sees the fish, then out the door and up
the nearest tree. The gardener obligingly.......the cat sees the fish......
This happens FIVE times before the vet is called to tranquillise moggy and the
irate phone call is made.
A true tale, I saw
the offending Oscar in the shop, his tank gravel tidily banked up in one front
corner of the tank. S/He was a beauty.
Two fish swimming
round a bowl. Which one is called Bob? The one in front: the one behind swims
round going Bob, Bob, Bob (a lip reader will know exactly what I mean)