AUTHOR'S NOTES -
CHAPTER 2: JOY AND GRIEF
Deciding against using the back door, since it would mean going through the kitchen again, he turned to unbolt the little-used front door... ‘I’ll get Nibs to oil those bolts for you, sir,’ she said as she handed the bundle over. ‘We don’t oftenly use that door.’
I once caused great dismay, before I realised this, by knocking at the front door of a farm house. It took an embarrassingly long time for the farmer’s wife to work the bolts open.
Red Borgil glowed low in the sky, Menelvagor the hunter was rising over the horizon. Large, and seemingly very close, the Sickle hung above him, pointing the way to the Traveller’s star.
All but the Traveller’s star are names given to the stars by Tolkien in The Lord of the Rings. Red Borgil is Mars, Menelvagor is Orion and the Sickle is the Plough/Big Dipper. The Traveller’s star is what I have called the Pole Star.
It was obvious to Frodo that Sam thought he was brooding over Saruman’s words. He heard them again in his mind like a death knell: “Do not expect me to wish you health and long life. You will have neither. But that is not my doing. I merely foretell.”
Saruman’s words here are from The Return of the King, The Scouring of the Shire.
If only he could believe that Sam might have this future, because he had no doubt the children were Sam’s. Three were named for himself, Merry and Pippin, while at the end of the line was a small chubby Hamfast and, out of sight, Daisy. Surely these last two were named for Sam’s father and oldest sister. Moreover, Frodo’s namesake was the very picture of Sam in his teens. Frodo called up the image of them from his vision, and smiled as he whispered their names to the stars.
In The Return of the King, The Grey Havens Frodo foretells Sam’s children as Frodo-lad, Rosie-lass, Merry, Goldilocks and Pippin. He gets the order slightly wrong, in that Pippin comes before Goldilocks. Too late, I realised that I could have explained this by either making Goldilocks tall for her age, or by having Elanor use Goldilocks as a buffer between her brothers when she lines the family up in Chapter 32, Treasures and Tributes. Either way, Frodo would have simply seen them in the wrong order. The fact that Frodo could make this foretelling at all is the basis for my decision to have him see visions. I have added Hamfast and Daisy, because I wished to make the vision the specific event of the Aragorn’s visit to the Brandywine bridge in 1436 (The Return of the King, Appendix B and History of Middle-earth, vol. 9, Sauron Defeated - The Epilogue). Both Aragorn and Frodo overlook Primrose, born in 1435, see notes for Chapter 32, Treasures and Tributes.
‘Then what is it? Please, Frodo - I’ve been worriting all day.’
The Fellowship of the Rings, A Shortcut to Mushrooms: “‘Now if you’ll excuse me, Mr. Merry and Mr. Frodo, and all, I’d best be turning for home. Mrs. Maggot will be worriting with the night getting thick.’”
‘Nothing seems real to me, Sam,’ said Frodo, at last. ‘It’s as though all the colours have gone from the Shire. Not truly, I still see the grass is green, the sky is blue, but I look and everything is flat. Nothing has any depth. Does that make any sense? It’s as though I look at it all from a great distance. People talk to me and it’s as though they are talking to someone else, far away or maybe long ago. I feel wrapped in soft cotton, and I must fight against it every time I move. It even floats in my mind, like the downy fluff of wych elm. Everything is such an effort. When you speak to me, when you hold me in your arms, it is as though the fog clears a little and the sun shines, but there is no stirring within me.’
The feelings of disassociation that Frodo describes are those found in Derealisation, a type of Depersonalisation Disorder, although I didn’t know that when I wrote it. In one of those strange quirks of coincidence, I wrote the description the day before I heard, by chance, a radio programme on the subject. It is often triggered by traumatic events, and in the short term is a helpful physiological response to a dangerous situation. It allows the brain to enter an oasis of calm and make rational decisions. Depersonalisation Disorder comes when this response is ‘turned-on’ inappropriately in every day life. It can be part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
After some thought about my uncanny description I realised that I experienced this, briefly, when I abruptly stopped taking the serotonin uptake inhibitor Seroxat (Paroxetine) prescribed for exam related stress. The feelings lasted for more than a week and were very unpleasant. I had the sensations of derealisation (see below) and felt as though my head was full of cotton wool. It was as though I was a 2D cardboard cut out and nothing around me seemed quite real. I appeared perfectly normal to others.
The Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College, London have this to say about it:
“Depersonalisation Disorder' is characterised by persistent or recurrent episodes of: "... detachment or estrangement from one's self. The individual may feel like an automaton... There may be the sensation of being an outside observer on one's own mental processes... Various types of sensory anaesthesia, lack of affective response... are often present". Derealisation (the sense that the external world is trange or unreal) may also be present.
What is it like? Many sufferers describe it as 'terrifying', 'like losing your sense of being alive', 'a living death', 'like being detached from your own body, your loved ones, your feelings...' People say that it is as if their mind is full of cotton wool; they pray that they will wake up and it will all be clear once more. Many describe derealisation: as if the world around them is like a movie or that they are separated from other people by an invisible pane of glass. When such unpleasant feelings persist without explanation, the person may be judged to be suffering from depersonalisation disorder. It can be brought on by severe stress or emotional turmoil but may also appear out of the blue, and apparently suddenly.”
Frodo also describes the effort needed to do things. This is more symptomatic of depression. Those suffering from depersonalisation/derealisation can become very depressed, as can those suffering from PTSD. Depression and anxiety can cause pscychogenic impotence. Impotence can cause depression. If Frodo felt he did not ‘deserve’ happiness with Sam, because of his self perceived short comings, impotence could become a psychological expression of this. For more on the interpretation of the signs and symptoms Frodo shows as being due to PTSD, I recommend Karyn Milos’s essay. See notes for Chapter 1 (link below).