"You are the biggest damn slob I've ever met."
Daniel looked up from his laptop to see Jack, hands on hips, surveying the bedroom.
"Am not," Daniel said mildly.
"First of all, I'm not a slob. I just have my own unique form of organization," Daniel explained, shifting slightly against the pillows he had piled against the headboard. "Second, Janet's the biggest slob either of us has ever met."
"You're the biggest slob I've ever slept with," Jack said, amending his original statement. He pulled the quilt down on the other side of the bed. "This is just disgusting."
"It didn't seem bother you when we were making a mess," Daniel said. "In fact, 'fuck me harder, I'm such a slut' were your exact words."
"Daniel," Jack growled. "I'm not talking about the come stains per se--although these sheets really should have been changed a couple of days ago--but what the hell is this?"
Daniel leaned over and peered at the discoloration on the bottom sheet.
"Um...could be chocolate."
"When did you have chocolate?"
"You had it and it was two...no, three nights ago. You put it on my ass. And in my ass and I have to tell you, Jack, that chocolate is not the best choice for lube."
"Hey, I mixed it with lube," Jack protested.
"And I'm disgusting?" Daniel shot back.
"You were the one taking it up the ass with chocolate."
"Fine," Daniel snapped. He closed down his laptop and crawled off the bed. He grabbed a pair of jeans from the floor and started yanking them on.
"See!" Jack complained. "You wallow around nude and then put on dirty clothes. You're a slob."
"Wallow?" Daniel said archly. He yanked up the zipper on his jeans so fast Jack cringed. Zipper--bare dick--accident waiting to happen.
"What is the point of worrying about having a clean bed when we're just going to get it all 'filthy' again?" Daniel asked. "I take a shower every morning. It's not like anyone has to suffer in my presence."
"I do," Jack said. "I have to live with it."
"Not any more," Daniel said angrily. He didn't bother with socks, just pulled his sneakers onto bare feet. "I'll take my disgusting, filthy, chocolate ass elsewhere."
"I'm sure you and your right hand will have a long, clean relationship."
"Don't be an idiot!"
"Oh, so now I'm stupid as well as filthy." Daniel finished tying his shoes, stood up and looked around for a shirt. "This may come as a huge surprise to you, Jack, but there are people who'd be happy to have my filthy, stupid ass as along as it made them howl and sob with sexual fulfillment."
"No 'people' are getting anywhere near your filthy stupid ass," Jack threatened as he moved over to stand in front of Daniel, blocking his exit.
"You don't own my ass."
"I so do!"
"Why would you even want to, Colonel Neat Freak? You march in here and start nagging without so much as a 'good morning', a 'love you', or even a 'fuck off and die'!"
"Of course I love you. You wouldn't drive me half as nuts if I didn't." Jack was right in Daniel's face, seething with frustration. "And I'm not a neat freak."
"Are!" Daniel said defiantly.
"Would it kill you to have a little respect for my concerns and help clean up once in a while?"
"The rest of the house is perfectly tidy. Dusted, vacuumed, everything in order and not a hint that I've ever even been here. If I want to wallow in the bedroom then you can God damn well take that poker out of your ass and let me wallow!"
Jack stared in silent shock at the reddened face just inches from his own.
"That's why you're...?"
"A filthy naked slob?" Daniel finished, looking a little stunned himself. "Apparently so."
Jack shoved Daniel backwards, making him fall across the bed. Before Daniel had even completely come to rest, Jack was climbing over him, unzipping his jeans and trying to tug them away from the semi-erect cock.
"Arguing with me makes you hot," Jack observed as he struggled to remove his own clothing without allowing Daniel to squirm out from under him.
"Everything about you makes me hot. What's your point?"
"Let's make a filthy, disgusting mess," Jack growled in between sucking at Daniel's lips.
"Really?" Daniel breathed, arching into the friction between their groins.
"Really," Jack said firmly. He paused and glared at Daniel. "Poker up my ass?"
"If you ask nicely," Daniel said disingenuously. He smiled up at Jack coyly. "I don't suppose you have any chocolate?"
"No, but knowing you you've got some stashed somewhere close by."
"Under the pillow."
"The pillow?" Jack asked in disbelief. Daniel's half lidded gaze turned threatening. "Never mind," Jack said as he reached under Daniel's pillow.
"How much body heat do you think it takes to melt this stuff?" Jack asked, eyeing the slightly warped bar of chocolate.
"No idea. What do you say we find out?"
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