The Ten Cat Commandments

1. I must do a massive crap that would make an ideal prop in Jurassic Park at every human meal and bedtime.

2. I must be sound asleep behind the front door just as the humans leave for work or school in the morning.

3. I must never eat a pill.

4. I must run fast in any direction at the sound of an aerosol.

5. I must jump from the top of the wardrobe and onto the bed as soon as the humans drop off to sleep.

6. I must go missing and cause a major flap in the household until the cat treats box is rattled frantically by the sad saps. I will then emerge from my hiding place in the box under the bed where they keep the christmas decorations and laugh inwardly at the looks of relief on their faces as they lavish meaty sticks and kitbits on me.

7. I must get my claws into the humans new leather jacket/shoes at the earliest opportunity.

8. When I am going to vomit I will go into major convulsions first to send them scurrying off for the paper kitchen towel, let them place it precisely on the floor under my nose, then twist my head to the side at the moment of sickness.

9. I must position my rear end exactly 2 degrees past the edge of the cat litter tray when I have the runs.

10. I must increase the length of the thread I found poking from the centre of their living room carpet by at least 6 inches every week.