10 Ways to Spot your Cat May be trying to Kill you!

1. You regularly wake up to a mouthful of cat hair.

2. Cat toys are left in unreasonable places, like at the top of stairs

3. You often look up from your favourite TV programme to see your moggie staring intently at you through half closed eyes.....in the right light you may spot the word "EVIL" on his eyelids.

4. Your coffee or tea often tastes suspiciously like urine or worse. This is often accompanied by an unusually clean cat litter tray.

5. Your cat is spotted on the street clearly hanging around with the wrong crowd. Some may have tattoos and earings in odd places, an ear missing, or fur replaced with enough scar tissue to keep ER going for a month.

6. He/She loses all interest in the favourite cat sport of catching flies and moths.

7. The ever popular sight of triangular shaped tears in your wallpaper seem to spell out threatening sentences. (only try spotting this after four pints of Tennants Extra).

8. You find the lovable rogue tinkering with the wiring behind the telly/video.

9. His/Her interest in that cute screensaver you downloaded to keep them amused (yes the one with the little dot dancing erratically all over the screen) has now been replaced by an up to date copy of The Anarchists Cookbook (feline schools edition).

10. You leap out of bed to find him/her standing over you with a colt 45 handgun (intelligent female cats or Siamese only).