March 2009: All internal links should now work - posted to Tiscali

I will spring-clean the external links which are very old and may be broken!

Geoff Whiley

's obligatory page of sad links

The [advanced] search is much better these days: OS references can be entered without the tiresome business loading a known postcode, bookmarking the frame, reloading and editing. My previous example of Spaghetti Junction is now offered under 'Preview Print' and 'Try These'. But realistically, anything you see here is only a taster for the prints and books they're actually selling you.

  Turn that spare pip into gallons and gallons - sorry (see next set) - litres and litres - of happy juice - sorry - Village Idiot Conversion (to) Kit. The Wittenham site includes a 'flavour descriptor', a useful collection of insults to hurl at Str*ngb*w, Bl*cktho*rn, W**dp*ck*r and the like.

Any relation of Real Perry to B*bych*m means it's gone pear shaped!

Round these parts, beer, cider, porter or perry used to be* legally available to 16/17 year olds with a bona fide meal in a non-bar area. Here, therefore, is wisdom:

*...and I don't remember that changing, but borrowing Moriarty from Norwich Library a quarter century ago hardly qualifies me as expert legal opinion!
To join these un-Cool Britannians will set you back £10 Sterling. Doubtless they'd happily accept Euros. Or is it Euri?

Famed for their Egon Ronay's Guides*-type reviews of church services. But here shall ye find also a list, yea even a list of religious gadgets. AFAIK, said gadgets are verily a) genuine, b) tat.

*... speaking of which, them woz was well-useful guides until you someone bought his name back. I wonder if he could ask Mr Martin to stop his other minions putting wrapped butter into the middle of a baked potato - which, if defrosted, can be the hottest place on the plate.

I'm not sure what the main site's supposed to be. I'll explore the other 1718 items later: the other one's Eric & Ernie's famous ditty. Doubtless a Midi version of the tune's out there somewhere.

So it's one down: who knows where we'll find:

Just as all car chases ended with the same white one plunging over a cliff, and everyone murdered in Jersey knew Charlie Hungerford, so everyone on the telly dials the same 'phone numbers. And here they are.

The original link went, but I just couldn't bear to forget this. The new link appears to be relatively official. A re-cap of the rules: if 7 million people saw it the powers that were judged it a wonderful success, but if the same number saw Dr Who it was an appalling waste of (rather less) money. Recent announcement: one of them is coming back!

A purely random selection of academia. Not. Not purely random, that is.

Aye, well if you're born on Burns Night yer cannae ignore this beastie! I'm still trying to decide which recipe seems most authentic. Listing ingredients that arrive ready-cleaned would be cheating - this one's more like 'first clone your sheep'! Certain manufacturers please note: even a list of ingredients this disgusting turns its nose up at MSG!

Vegans will probably be traumatized for life. Vogons will appreciate the poetry; the Burns site doesn't even need a wee timorous beastie-click to translate the Scots words into USE (near-enough English for the rest of us!), French, German and Spanish.

Several sites; here's the Yahoo listing. Years of number crunching on the fastest supercomputers known to man - then years more of checking by the fastest supermen known to computer - have finally proved that - it's 3 and a bit!

When you download Pi to n billion decimal places, they'll drop the 3 and just give you the bit. Saving a whole byte of disk space!

The classic cartoon strip. A searingly accurate representation of life in the office. Except we don't have talking rats. Or dinosaurs. Mind you, the cat looks familiar...

To my mind Alex is better at packing a sting in the tail, but I've not seen a site. Unless you count the Torygraph.

Incidentally: I nominate the following as all time best cartoons:

They were even funnier with the pictures. Especially the one by Matt.

Time wasters and crooks exposed. Allegedly.

For example, did you really think that the really great guy who wrote those eminently reasonable Licence Agreements suddenly decided to offer you £1000 and a free copy of Windows?

The past and present of things down under. Not necessarily in that order. More of the same. Separated from the rest so you can Mind the Gap!

There are two ways to follow Britain's longest running soap. One is to get a cheap trannie and listen. The other is to get an expensive computer and read it here. Oh, and you can make sarcy comments to all and sundry.

3 years old: ideal for the Derby, positively past it for your BIOS. Suppose for example that you bought a SCSI board by post without checking your BIOS could handle it. These guys might be the ones to rescue you.

Test cards through the ages. That sort of thing.

Permanent Construction Site

Geoff Whiley 2003