INTRODUCTION TO FOLK DANCING

I went in very slowly, feeling shy and oh so small,
The room was full of strangers and they all seemed ten feet tall.
So I sat down, rather coyly, on a chair beside the door,
But they said "You'll have to dance, you know, that’s what you've come here for."
So I said I didn't know it, but they said they'd pull me through;
And then the music started - and my troubles started, too.
They pushed me, and they pulled me, and they whispered "Right hand star"
Then they said "Change with your partner" then they hissed "Stay where you are"
 I listened to the music but I couldn't get the beat -
(My mother should have told me I was born with two left feet)
And they spoke a foreign language which I found awful strange,
Things like "allemande" and "sidings" and ‘'hey'’ and "swing & change"
And then the Big White Chieftain (whose name I just forget)
Seemed to think that I was drunk - he shouted "Reel across the set"

Well, I've always been teetotal, so I didn't like it quite,
Still, the other ladies did it, so it must have been all right,
But when the man beside me - in the middle of the dance -
Said "You ought to be improper" well, I froze him with a glance.
There wasn't time to answer, though I could have said a lot,
For I may not know the dances, but I hope I know what’s what.
Then they said "Don't look so worried, cheer up, relax, let go"
So I danced with gay abandon - right on my partner's toe,
But they prodded me and swung me, and hauled me back in line,
Though they smiled on me quite kindly, and said "You're doing fine,
" Well, I'd laddered both my nylons and my right leg had gone lame,
Still, I gave a ghastly smile and said "I'm awfully glad I came."
They said '"This keeps you fit, you know" I said, "I'm sure it does"
(I knew my back was broken but I wouldn't make a fuse)
For when people's hearts are kindly, well, you leave some things unsaid;
I just stuck my arms back on again and staggered home to bed.
And the doctor's optimistic - says I’ll soon be right as rain.
So when I'm out of hospital, I’ll be folk dancing again.