What Forgiveness is

OLD RESENTMENTS AND FAILED EXPECTATIONS OFTEN INTERFERE WITH THE ENJOYMENT OF OUR LIVES --TRY TO IDENTIFY THE PAIN AND MOVE ON.

Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment. If you are a parent, you can provide a wonderful model for your children by forgiving. If they observe your reconciliation with friends or family members who have wronged you, perhaps they will learn not to harbor resentment over the ways in which you may have disappointed them. If you are not a parent, forgiveness is still an extremely valuable skill to have. In the movie Avalon, the uncle stopped talking to his family members for the rest of his life because they started Thanksgiving dinner without him after he was excessively late for the zillionth time. What a waste of energy it is to stay angry for decades. Forgiveness can be a gift that we give to ourselves. Here are some easy steps towards forgiveness:

• Acknowledge your own inner pain.
• Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways without yelling or attacking.
• Protect yourself from further victimization.
• Try to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion.
• Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship.
• Decide whether to remain in the relationship.
• Perform the overt act of forgiveness verbally or in writing. If the person is dead or unreachable, you can still write down your feelings in letter form.

Source: Dr. Shirley Glass, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist, Marriage and Family therapist
February, 2000