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Supplied by J.D. John Duffy. Thanks John
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It has come to our notice that Jeff Dash is a bit concerned that if he gets injured down South and he requires a blood transfusion, due to his extremely rare blood group he may die from loss of blood.
Don't worry Jeff.
The Chief Doc has assured us that he has already taken this into consideration, and has put a crate of beer aside.
Will Lt. P ever get an answer to this most leading question?
Will the Jimmy catch him at it again?....Watch this space.
ODE TO THE MECH
Now the final hour is
drawing near,
You can't say all the tiffs are queer.
Soon a tiffy you will be,
Not a Mech like you used to be.
Not all tiffs are all that bad,
It's just that half of them have got no Dad.
So what does that make you my dear?,
Are you just a raving queer.
Or are you still a Mech at heart,
Who doesn't give a toss or f**t?
As long as you still get your money,
Anyone can call you honey.
You don't care what your called,
As long as it's not FAT or BALD.
Anon Lower Level called Mac.
Blood Reed on Leave.
Did you know that the SCO spent more time writing the programme for his computer to find the answer to the CPOMA's puzzle No.4, than it took to work the answer out in his head? (And he still got it wrong twice).
Obviously he uses the same procedure for trimming.
Grigg's to the Rescue
Q...What is the similarity between Lt Pomfrett and the Submarines speed.
A...They are both kept on a dummy log.
Petty Officer Best would like us on his behalf to inform the Ship's Company that he has changed his name by TEPOL (Coxswains idea) to Tony "HATCH"
"Aus" Walters treating the Soundroom boys, to some Aussie Culture. Scrote Eling is believed to be the young lad chatting up the Kangaroo. (Must have lost his special sock).
Standby to snort, Sport......Blow Q's, Blue.... Fair Dinkum Cobber, What else could he do.
CHIEFY
(Sung to Ernie The Fastest Milkman)
The attack is all set,
As he comes out on the net,
The Situations getting tenser, as his brow starts to sweat.
Tango's drawing left, and now its drawing right,
But Chiefy's got control,
Although he's full of shite!!!!
Sector cut through Tango,
The TASO passes through,
Chiefy tells everyone, except the guy he's supposed too!
The Jimmy throws a wendy,
But old Chiefy keeps his cool,
The Jimmy calls him something?
Another word for FOOL!!
BUT THAT DOESN'T UPSET CHIEFY
Chorus:-Chiefy and he's pushed around more SSK's than you can shake a hairy stick at!!!
Keep the noise down Team Leaders,
Old Chiefy's getting tense,
Religious cuts now sector,
He must think we are all dense,
Cut the firing bearing,
The bearing is cut through,
Now he's sitting on my lap,
Will I get a chew?
Chorus........
The weapon's about to be discharged,
Can you hear it pre-spin,
Ops Controller, we have a rattle in the fin,
Never mind the rattle,
What about the fish?,
Why don't you stop waffling,
Or drop dead is what I wish!!
Chorus.....
The attack's finally over,
HMS Splendid has been hit,
Pleased with himself, Chiefy goes for a sh*t,
Chiefy goes to his rack.
The end of another day,
He nods off and dreams of his beloved SSK.
Who's the best planesman in the World?
1st Watch Condolence
The planes are such a lonely place, to sit there 1 in 6,
Except for Micky Lazenby, we think it's a piece of piss.
Two minutes past the hour has come, and no sign of relief,
Poor old Mickey gets upset and begins to grind his teeth.
The PO(TS) makes amends, in trying to keep the date,
But the howl was overpowering, YOUR FU**IN BASTARD LATE!!!!!
The attitude adopted, was as if he missed a bus,
Shame he didn't catch it, to avoid all this unwanted fuss.
ANON.. (3 minutes late)
Conclusion
1st Watch: Is like SEIKO...One day all watches will be made this way.
2nd Watch: Is like CASIO...Cheap, Nasty and seldom on time!
THE POSH TOSS
He's the newest of the wreckers, he's a man you all should meet,
But you seldom find him wide awake, even when he's on his feet.
Now Tim he likes his rack time, twelve hours every day,
He likes to think it helps to pass the time away.
Now DUREX comes in packs of three, and Tim keeps one just in case,
He fancy's a quick pull while down the AIR RAM SPACE.
Our Tim he had a pull one night and to do so used a French Letter,
But to hide it behind the Green Meanie, he should have known better.
For the Jimmy was doing rounds, and his torch it shone real bright,
But the sight that greeted this diligent man, was not a pleasant sight.
So in future Tim if you must POSH TOSS, don't save your old French letter,
Because you can only use it once, I thought you would have known better.
For the Doc he has a bulk supply, In red, black and blue,
Enough to go around everyone, especially WAN**RS like you.
PLAYMATE DATA-SHEET
NAME: DAVID RASPUTIN GOLLUM HODDER
BIRTHDATE: Before the Dawn of time, when the Earth was still young
BIRTHPLACE: Bag Ends, Hobbiton, The Shire
HEIGHT: 5' 11"..............WEIGHT Definitely.........WAIST 2 Cables to Port of our 140 track
AMBITIONS: To own a Labrador, Be Spare Crew Coxswain of the Londonderry Squadron, And to surpass Coxswain Kellaher.
TURN ON'S: Cleaning the Garbo, Sneaking
TURN OFF's: Steve O'Donovan, BSQ, Leave.
FAVOURITE MOVIES: Scrubbers
FAVOURITE PEOPLE: Nobody really except for Stalin, Hitler, Genghis Khan, Nero.
SECRET FANTASY: Never having to grant leave, so that the lads have to scrub out.
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