50 Ways To Annoy Your Lab Partner

by Mark Tiffany (and co.)

1. Fall asleep.
2. Write in his/her lab book.
3. Draw extra lines on their circuit diagrams
4. Erase lines from their circuit diagrams
5. Go to the toilet every 10 minutes.
6. Go and do someone else's lab work.
7. Every 5 minutes duck under the table.When asked why say that you`re scared, but don't elaborate.
8. Whenever your lab partner asks a question, stand up and stare at the ceiling.
9. Every lab session, ask your lab partner for id.
10. Refuse to do anything unless your partner says "Simon says...."
11. Start breeding centipedes in your equipment.If asked for a reason, say that you couldn't`t afford millipedes.
12. Every time your partner stands up, sit down.
13. Every time your partner sits down, stand up.
14. Put superglue on his/her seat. (Particularly effective if combined with the above...)
15. Turn up late, claiming that you were kidnapped by an extraordinarily large piece of edam cheese.
16. Take a banana into lab instead of your lab book, claiming that you are colourblind.
17. If you are colourblind, don't tell your lab partner when wiring up circuits.
18. At 27 minutes past every hour, stand in the middle of the lab facing north and sing "God save the orangutangs (not to mention the sheep)" for one minute.
19. If using computers, run out of the lab after 35 minutes screaming "They've found me!"
20. Swing your pants.
21. If your lab partner is of the opposite sex, take advantage.
22. If your lab partner is of the same sex, take advantage anyway.
23. Insist on facing the opposite direction to your lab partner.
24. Pick your nose.
25. Pick your partners nose.
26. Stare at your partners ear, muttering "I`m sure I left it here somewhere..."
27. When your lab partner isn't looking, write 'NO!' or 'You should know this by now' in the margin of their lab book.
28. When taking readings, refuse to give them to your lab partner.
29. If your partner makes a reading, refuse to believe it.
30. When drawing graphs, label the axes the wrong way round.
31. If using computers, write a game in basic where you shoot A's up the screen at flying saucers represented by -=<>=-.
32. Have an epileptic fit when the lab demonstrators not around.When your partner runs for help, find the demonstrator and tell them that your partner has decided to kill him/herself.
33. Kill your lab partner.Slowly.
34. Every hour, on the hour, hand your lab partner a blank sheet of A4 paper, declaring that you`ve 'been hard at it'.
35. Take in a small hedgehog and declare that it is more intelligent than your lab partner.
36. Ask your lab partner for the results from the last ten experiments.When he/she refuses, shout "Why are you keeping secrets from me???".
37. If doing electronics take in an ice cream and let it melt all over the circuit.
38. Convince your lab partner that the plug socket is a new physics experiment.(In a hands on sense).
39. Nail an African tree frog to the bench, claiming that it is your lucky mascot.
40. Make a necklace for your lab partner made out of resistors.Then pass several thousand amps through it.
41. Bring your little brother into lab, and then leave.
42. Win a Nobel prize.
43. Get a part-time job at CERN.
44. Talk to your lab demonstrator about the 'interesting physical properties of carrots'.
45. Wrap your partner completely in clingfilm, claiming it is for hygiene reasons, and is beneficial to his health situation.
46. Talk to a corner of the room until your lab partner asks you why.Tell him "Don't be so rude, its not just a corner of a room, but a vertically orientated internal angle of ninety degrees".Apologize to the wall, and mutter about your lab partner being such a waste of space.
47. Measure your partner behind his back, when he asks why, walk out and bang some pieces of wood together, and walk back in with a coffin.
48. Hold your lab partner to ransom in the store cupboard.
49. Cover them in peanut butter.
50. Call them Geraldine and refuse to acknowledge their real name.

(C) UK 1994 Mark Tiffany