Ravages Of Hell (31/32)

"Hello, I’m Huw Edwards reporting for BBC News." His voice cracked slightly. A second later he’d regained control. "On 29th May 2005. For weeks now, the world has been in a situation of considerable turmoil, many of its most powerful citizens have been murdered in an unprecedented bloodbath." He paused, again struggling with his composure. "Last night, the reasons and forces behind these apparently random incidents became shockingly apparent."

He glanced down at his notes, still far from sure that he wasn’t unwittingly involved in some sort of colossal, tasteless hoax that would end up wrecking his career. Taking a breath, he looked up. "In the Cotswolds last night, demonic forces attacked a group of three hundred or so warriors defending the world-."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Ted Koppel," he leaned into the camera and smiled. "And this is ABC News Nightline on May 29th 2005." He turned serious. "Yesterday the world was shaken by the revelation that we’re not alone on this planet of ours. This world is not also populated by aliens as many have suggested, but perhaps even more shockingly by demons." He looked to his left, the camera moving to the panel of experts. "Tonight, in a specially extended edition, my guests and I will discuss just how this disclosure will change the world we live in."

* * *

"And now to our Security Correspondent Frank Gardner outside the UN. Building."

"Thank you, Huw," the security correspondent nodded at the camera. "Today, three days after what is becoming known as ‘the Slayer War’, the UN meets in emergency council to discuss what to do next. Already the ambassadors have heard testimony from Rupert Giles, the head Watcher, Willow Rosenberg, the world’s most powerful Wicca, Riley Finn, the ranking military officer at the battle, and Faith LeHane, the head Slayer and young woman who is rapidly becoming the public face of ‘Slayerdom’ as this staggering entity is becoming known."

"And as there been any discussion about just what do about demonic activity?"

Frank nodded at his question. "Such is the urgency of this situation the ambassadors have already come to a number of decisions. Miss Rosenberg has been named UN Advisor on Occult Research, with Mr Giles gaining the same rank on Demonic Activity. In addition, the newly promoted General Finn has been named the head of a Multi-National UN force consisting of sixty sixteen man teams made up of twelve troops, two Slayers, a magic user, and a Watcher. These teams’ duties are to be limited to the hunting down of demons or humans participating in the black arts and will not involve them acting in any ‘mundane’ conflicts. Already thirty countries have offered resources, either financial or personnel, while no less than sixty-seven nations have agreed to allow these teams full border-access. One last point, Mr. Giles was at pains to emphasise how important the Council’s independence is."

"Thank you, Frank," Huw glanced down at his notes. "At the same time the four Slayer War veterans spoke, their testimony was beamed via satellite to both the NATO and EU headquarters buildings. Let’s hear the reaction from Gavin Hewitt in Brussels. Gavin, first, NATO’s reaction?"

"The testimony was met with considerable shock, not the least that a number of their member nations, most notably England and America, had some knowledge of the Slayers but failed to share it with other nations. That aside, it had been decided that NATO will co-operate with the Watchers’ Council in all matters, and that Mr. Giles be appointed NATO Ambassador for Occult Operations and a deputy ambassadorship was likewise bestowed on Miss Rosenberg."

"Heady days, Grant, "Huw commented. "And the EU’s reaction?"

"Like NATO, Britain’s partners were less than enthused by their prior knowledge of the Council’s existence, and demanded to know why they weren’t informed. That aside, they also promised full co-operation with the UN’s new special forces unit. In addition, Mr. Giles was given the position of EU Commissioner for Demonic Security with Miss Rosenberg unanimously voted in as his deputy."

* * *

"Hello," Brian smiled into the camera, "I’m Brian Williams, and this is NBC Nightly News on 5th June 2005. Today, a number of the Slayer War veterans were honoured at the White House. For more, here’s Campbell Brown, on location outside the White House."

"Hello Brian," the White House correspondent smiled before beginning her report. "Today, the newly promoted General Riley Finn was awarded the Congressional Medal Of Honour by the president who called him ‘a shining example to the youth not only of America, but of the world’. Other awardees included Willow Rosenberg, Faith Lehane, and an absent Xander Harris who were all awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Miss. Buffy Summers and Angel were both awarded posthumous Presidential Medals of Freedom. In addition Miss LeHane was awarded a full pardon. Robin Wood, Connor Morgan, and Kennedy Lucas all received National Security Medals. Mr. Giles, who was unable to attend, was made an Honorary Citizen of the United States."

"I understand that award got quite a reaction?"

"Miss Lehane was heard to comment ‘G’s gonna shit when he hears this’." The White House correspondent smiled. "Given the Slayer’s emerging reputation, we can’t be sure that’s a good thing."

* * *

"Gavin Hewitt, outside Buckingham Palace on the 11th June 2005." He smiled into the camera. "Today was a day of high pageantry, with awards being given out to the Slayer War veterans in a special investiture by the Queen. A new medal was made especially for the fighters of The Slayer Wars, the Slayer Cross, and was awarded to every one of the investiture’s attendees as well as posthumously to the Slayer War’s one hundred and sixty-seven dead. It’s understood this award will be used in the future to mark bravery in battling demons."

"In addition to these awards, I understand a number of individual commendations were given out?" Huw commented from the studio.

Gavin nodded. "Both the vampire Angel and Buffy Summers were posthumously awarded honorary VCs. Both General Finn and the absent Xander Harris were also awarded honorary VCs. Mr. Giles was made a Knight of the Order of the Garter, something that reportedly had the head Watcher openly crying with pride. Miss Rosenberg was made an honorary member of the Order of Merit. Faith LeHane, Robin Wood, and Kennedy Lucas were all awarded honorary Military Medals."

"I understand that these are just some of the commendations that are mooted to becoming the way of the Slayer War heroes?" Huw queried.

"Yes," Gavin nodded. "Over twenty countries have announced plans to award the Slayers in some way or other. In addition, there are rumours that a certain Mr. Rupert Giles is a front-runner for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Mary Hart, and this Entertainment Tonight on 22nd June 2005." Mary smiled at her audience. "The big news in Hollywood is the rumours that a number of Hollywood big-hitters including Cameron, Spielberg, Scorsese, and others are competing for the rights to the Faith LeHane story, a movie to be called ‘Troubled Hero’. When asked to comment on these rumours, Miss Lehane’s only reply was to laugh and say ‘there ain’t a Hollywood chick with nuff ‘tude to play me."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Nick Ross. And this week on Crimewatch UK we start with a missing person appeal," Nick paused, "an appeal for a person that over the last month you will have become more than familiar with." A picture of an one-eyed man appeared on the screen as he continued to talk. "Alexander Lavelle Harris disappeared the night of the Slayer War, after helping to save the world. Since that time, the young man has been feted and honoured with numerous awards from many nations. But he hasn’t been seen since." The picture of the man disappeared, the camera moving back to Nick. "And so tonight, we’re here to launch an appeal for Xander as he’s known by his friends to get in touch. Together," he looked to his left, "with a very special guest, Sunnydale veteran, Slayer Cross awardee, and trainee Watcher, Miss Dawn Summers. Hello Dawn."

The beautiful brunette quickly wiped at her eyes before replying. "Hello Nick."

"First of all, I’d like to thank you all for your brave actions in the Slayer War," he began. "Now, could you tell us some more about your friend, I understand he was the first ‘Scooby’ to offer his loyalty to your sister?"

"Thank you, Nick. Yes Xander," the brunette paused, clearly collecting herself, "was more than a friend, he was a brother in all but blood."

"And he’s been fighting demons since he was a teenager, in fact before he was legally able to vote?" Dawn nodded. "Amazing. I understand he saved your sister’s life on a number of occasions?"

"And Faith’s once," the trainee Watcher added.


"And the world from Miss Rosenberg after the death of her lover?"

The Watcher nodded. "But it’s not that that makes him special. It’s the way that when you’ve had the most awful day, he can look at you and just make you feel better by knowing he cares."

He looked into the camera. "And there you have it. One of the Slayer War heroes is missing. They saved us once, now we have a chance to help them. If you have any -."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Jan Hofer," he smiled at the camera, "and this is Tagesschau on 23rd July 2005. Rioting erupted today in Switzerland at a meet and greet for Slayer War veterans Rona Andrews and Rona Crais, as panic erupted that they might not stay long enough to speak to the twenty thousand youngsters who had come to meet the two legends on their goodwill tour-."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Jeremy Paxman, and this is Newsnight, on 31st July 2005. Tonight on the program, we’re delighted to have a live interview with Jans Mueller, a Der Spiegel correspondent who is the first reporter to get an in-depth interview with the enigmatic Sir. Rupert Giles. We’ll be getting his thoughts on the very English legend. But first, the headlines-."

* * *

"Hello," he nodded towards the camera, "I’m Bob Schieffer and this is the CBS Evening News on 8th August 2005. Today in Crete, Rona Andrews and Vi Crais Slayed Stavros. The Greek demon was the oldest remaining known vampire, reputed to be over 800 years old." Bob paused as grainy footage was shown of the two Slayers in action, their movements supernaturally graceful. "No injuries were sustained by the Slayers and support team. In Slayer-related news, Kennedy Lucas led a successful attack on the Witchguard HQ."

* * *

"Tonight on Access Hollywood, do we have a guest for you," Maria Menounos beamed proudly. It had taken some serious bargaining and begging, but she’d got the guest she wanted. "Here she is," she rose, "I know I won’t have to ask you to give a big hand to the senior Slayer herself. She’s sexy. She’s out-spoken. She’s dangerous. She’s brave. She’s Faith Lehane!"

The studio audience erupted, with the largest wolf whistles coming from a bunch of frat boys. After a second, the Slayer herself strode onto stage, looking ravishing in a pair of two sizes too small leather pants and tiny black midriff top. "Yo," she hollered. "What’s up gang?" The Slayer winked. "Can’t hear you, make some noise ya all!"

* * *

"Hello, I’m Kathleen Pretty, and this is Canada Now: Newsworld Edition on 16th August 2005. Today, the UN announced the Summers Memorial Fund, named in honour of Buffy Summers. This fund, started with donations from each of the UN member nations will be used to compensate the families of Slayers fallen in battle-."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Jan Hofer," he stared grimly at the camera, "and this is Tagesschau on 23rd August 2005. Today Ms. Willow Rosenberg paid an emotional visit to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. Afterwards a tear-eyed Ms. Rosenberg read a statement to the gathered press that Belsen and other camps should serve as a reminder that not only that evil is no respecter of nationalities, borders, or races, that the capacity for evil is in every one of us. And also that while it can be cruel, vindictative, and malicious that it is always cowardly and only by being brave enough to stand against it can we defeat it."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Susan McGinnis and this is CBS Morning News on 10th September 2005." She smiled before continuing. "Exciting Slayer news about international hero and heart-throb, General Riley Finn who it has been announced will be starring in a new series of recruitment adverts for the armed services-."

* * *

"Hello I’m Randy Price, this is WHDH-TV, and this is the 29th September 2005. Today, a Slayer veteran, none other than the legendary Faith Lehane, returned home to launch the ‘Christine Forest Memorial Fund’, a charity catering to abused teens."

"I understand this charity already has a number of big backers," Catarina commented.

"That’s right, Cat," Randy smiled into the camera. "Local and national businesses are stampeding to be associated with a charity run by the beautiful Bostonian who is rapidly becoming the world’s most photographed woman."

"I understand that this charity is very personal to Miss Lehane?" Catarina queried.

"Yes, dressed in a trouser suit instead of her customary leathers, the unusually serious looking Slayer read out a statement where she explained that Christine Forest was her first Watcher and the only real mom she’d ever had. She also said that she hoped by starting this charity she could save some kids from the hell she’d had to go through."

"I understand the usually exuberant Slayer looked tense," Catarina continued. "Are the pressures of fame getting to her?"

"Sources suggest the reason for the Slayer’s tension is something else," Randy replied. "She and the others are very worried about the missing Xander Harris, the young man who has fought alongside Miss Rosenberg and Sir. Rupert Giles from the beginning."

* * *

Hello I’m Maria Miel and this is La 2 Noticias de TVE on 7th October 2005." Maria rustled her papers before continuing. "Today, the now legendary Sir. Rupert Giles was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in an emotional and heavily-guarded ceremony in Oslo, Norway."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Huw Edwards reporting for BBC News, on 10th October 2005. Today, Faith Lehane led a force consisting of herself, Connor Morgan, Kennedy Lucas and the Groosalug to wipe out a Scourge stronghold in Tuscany. The Scourge are a group of pure-blood demons somewhat similar to the Nazis of the 1930s, who believe all tainted with human blood should be wiped out." He looked down at his notes. "Fortunately there were no casualties on our side. In Slayer-related news, Sir Rupert Giles was awarded the freedom of Oxford and made an honorary chancellor. In addition, both Harvard and Moscow State University have announced plans to honour the British knight with doctorates some time in the new year."

* * *

"Hello, I’m GianfrancoVialli and this is Studio Aperto on 26th October 2005," he nodded into the camera, careful to keep his face grave. "Controversy raged today when Miss. Rosenberg and Miss Lehane snubbed a papal invitation to join the other major members of the Watcher’s Council for a blessing. And now to our reporter on the scene, Rosa Rosso. Hello, Rosa."

"Hello," the former model smiled back at him from her position outside the looming Vatican.

"I understand that the majority of the controversy has been ignited by some remarks made by Miss Lehane?"

"Yes," the elegant reporter nodded. "The American hero, idol to millions around the world, issued a statement where she said amongst other things ‘I don’t know if there is a god. But if there is, and he sits on his ass, allowing children to be abused, unjust wars to be fought, and millions to die from famine and easily curable dieases, I don’t want any part of him.’"

"I understand the vatican has issued a response?" he asked.

"Yes, they’ve been careful to be diplomatic, not wishing to anger those who idolise the American beauty. Their reply was ‘Miss Lehane’s stance is disappointing’."

Ravages Of Hell (32/32)

"It’s Friday again," Jonathan Ross grinned at the camera, "Friday Night With Jonathan Ross. And do I have a special show for you tonight. An act that’s not only headlining in Vegas, his first album selling over eight million copies before its release, but is also the Council’s publicity officer. Yes, he’s here, he’s demonic, he’s Lorne!" The crowd erupted as the demon walked out onto the set, 4 Puffs And A Piano singing along to ‘Dedicated Follower Of Fashion’.

"I’ll be honest with you Lorne," Jonathan said as his guest sat down. "It’s a pleasure to have you here, but you weren’t my first choice as Council guest. I’d often had a yearning to have Faith on my couch."

"Oh be honest Jonathan," Lorne giggled. "Hasn’t every man?"

"Or even Kennedy. Or Dawn. I love powerful women, but that Miss. Rosenberg she’s a little too powerful."

"Always loved your show Jonathan," purred the red-horned demon, "and don’t listen to what people say, it takes nerve to dress like us."

"Well thank you, Lorne." Jonathan smiled. "And is being a demon a barrier with the ladies?"

"I’d like to be modest and say no, Jonathan, but who am I kidding?" Lorne laughed. "The ladies love the green!" The crowd erupted into cheers and security struggled to contain some of the Lornies, as the demon’s groupies had become known as. "These days I get more panties than Tom Jones!"

"The question I’ve always wanted answering is clean or unclean. No," he laughed, "don’t answer that. It’s still a surprise to see a demon out in public. I’m given to understand a number of demons work for the Council?"

"Oh yes," Lorne smiled. "I mean could anything evil dress this well?"

"Quite." Jonathan looked down at his notes, wondering if this interview was going to stay under his control. "I understand you were a close friend of the vampire, Angel."

"Yes, Angel," Lorne sighed, his mood taking a down-turn. "That man, he was troubled, but he had the soul of a hero."

"And his son, Connor caused him some problems?"

"That kid," Lorne shook his head, "caused the whole world problems, he made Axel Rose seem saintly, but his dad would be proud of the man he is now."


"And the question I’ve got to ask," Jonathan leaned forward. "Is Faith is as fierce as she seems?"

"Oh you’ll get me in trouble," Lorne laughed. "On the outside that girl’s all cacti, but on the inside, she’s pure desert flower."

"And I understand you agreed to come on here if we allowed you to make an appeal?"

"That I did, Jonathan," the demon looked into the camera. "Harris, I’m talking to you kid. I don’t know what your problem is. Guess what, I don’t care. All I know is you’re hurting those who love you, causing some of the sweetest people it’s ever been my pleasure to know pain. Now get those tight little buns back home, because if you keep us waiting much longer, when we do get our hands on you, I’ll tie you down and force you to listen to the Spice Girls’ back catalogue continuously for a month."

"Now there’s a threat!" Jonathan smiled before glancing at his notes. "Now your act’s sold out for months-."

"Years," the smirking demon corrected.

"In advance. What do you sing?"

* * *

"Hello, I’m Marc Bator and this is Tagesschau, on 4th November 2005." Marc smiled, pausing for a moment before continuing. "Today, more details were announced about the ‘Paladin Units’, the Watcher\Slayer led teams mooted three months ago at the UN. It appears that these teams will be posted to each of the continents according to domestic population, with three ‘crack’ teams held in reserve to deal with specific Armageddon-threatening situations, one led jointly by Miss Rosenberg and Miss Lucas, one led by Faith Lehane, and one under the control of General Finn. Overall control of the Paladin Units will remain with the Council. And in other -."

* * *

"Bonjour," she smiled into the camera, "I’m Francoise Laborde and this 20 Heures Le Journal on 15th November 2005. Today in Slayer-related news, Faith Lehane was reported to have hunted down and killed Dod Bosu in Montreal, Canada. Dod Bosu was believed to be the last remaining member of the Circle of The Black Thorn. In other Slayer-related news, it is rumoured that Faith Lehane, Dawn Summers, Gwen Raiden, Kennedy Lucas, Rona Andrews, and Vi Crais are rumoured to be in negotiations with a top Paris fashion house for an evening gown and swimwear show, the proceeds of the event to be split equally between the Buffy Summers & Christine Forest Memorial Funds. Tickets are rumoured to be priced at starting at $ 200 with tickets for the six table exclusive dinner at a closed-off restaurant with the heroes starting at $ 500."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Akiro Hase, and this is G60 Minutes on the 10th December 2005." He smiled into the camera. "Today in New York, the English knight and Council head Sir Rupert Giles was awarded an extraordinary United Nations Prize in the Field of Human Rights. These awards are normally only issued every five years but the Secretary-General explained that such was Mr. Giles’ exceptional leadership and bravery in the face of overwhelming odds to save us all from slavery, he had to be recognised immediately."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Huw Edwards, at BBC News at ten," he smiled into the camera, "on the 18th December 2005. Today, more information was revealed about the proposed Paladin Units, and the selection of the military personnel to the units. First, to Gavin Hewitt outside the Council Keep?"

"Hello, Huw," Gavin greeted. "Today it was announced that troops would be selected from volunteers from the special forces of countries that had signed the UN Demonic-Security Charter."


"And I understand that more information was released as to regards the selection panels?" Huw enquired.


"Yes," Gavin nodded. "The panels will be made up of three people. A Watcher – either Sir Rupert Giles, Dawn Summers, Robin Wood, Mr. Robson, or Miss Rosenberg. A ranking supernatural warrior – Faith, Kennedy, Connor, the Groosalug, Vi, or Rona. And a military officer – either General Finn, Colonel Finn, or Captain Miller. Assuming the applicant passes the interview, they will then have to sing for the psychic demon, Lorne."

"And once someone is selected, they will go through a rigorous training course?" Huw pressed.


"That’s correct, this training will in the words of Miss Rosenberg ‘familiarise the trainees with demons, magic, and lots of other fun stuff.’" Gavin smiled. "Miss Rosenberg’s words, not mine."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Ted Koppel," he leaned into the camera and smiled. "And this is ABC News Nightline on December 29th 2005." He turned serious. "Seven months after the Slayer War and thanks to the charisma of Faith Lehane, the beauty of Dawn Summers, the bravery of Kennedy Lucas, the power of Willow Rosenberg, and the leadership of Sir. Rupert Giles we’re still as fascinated as ever with the Watcher’s Council. And yet, there is still one person we know little about, and has been missing since the final battle – Xander Harris. Tonight, myself and my panel of experts will discuss this fine American. Why did he disappear? Where has he gone? What drove him to complete the amazing deeds he’s recorded as doing during his time in Sunnydale and afterwards? We’ll hear from classmates including the editor of his school paper, and from fellow construction workers. And we’ll even hear from his friend and head of Watcher USA, Mr. Robin Wood, with a personal appeal for information relating to Xander’s whereabouts."

* * *

"Welcome everybody to Loose Women on the 20th January 2006, I’m Kaye Adams," Kaye beamed into the camera. "And haven’t we got a show for you today! An interview with none other than Wicca extraordinaire Willow Rosenberg-." The studio audience erupted in cheers. "Discussing how Slayers and magic effect feminism, and how even as an all-powerful lesbian icon there’s still room for men in her life."

* * *

"Hello," Huw stared into the camera, "this is the BBC News at six o’ clock on the 12th February 2006. She was considered arguably the most dangerous vampire in existence. Certainly she was the most demented. No more. In the early hours of this morning, Connor Morgan ended the Aurelias line, by Slaying Drusilla in a Glasgow housing estate. Ironically, Drusilla was the childe of his father’s unsoulled alter-ego, Angelus-."

* * *

"And in other news," Maria Menounos swallowed as she looked nervously at the camera. This segment was risky. "Our reporter managed to get a few words with Faith LeHane regarding Hugh Heffner’s repeated attempts to tempt her into posing as a Playboy centrefold as she was leaving a downtown San Diego gym."

The screen changed to a video obviously shot earlier in the day. A gym door swung open and Faith strode out, clad in lyrca shorts and a black ‘Pitbull Gym’ tank top, hair tied back in a pony-tail. "Yeah thanks," Faith smirked as she signed autographs. "My pleasure, remember if ya can’t be good, be careful."

"Miss Lehane!" a voice shouted out and an Access Hollywood reporter ran into shot, microphone at the ready. "A word."

The Slayer’s chocolate eyes rolled back. "Sure," she shrugged. "I always gotta time for the press."

"Have you any comments regarding Hugh Heffner’s increased offer for you to pose-."

The reporter’s mike was snatched from him. It was the fourth time that Maria had seen the footage but even so she couldn’t help shiver at the sudden coldness in the brunette’s eyes. "Oh yeah, I got a few comments," the Slayer’s voice was harder than steel. "Hugh, honey. I don’t blame ya for wanting to get your wrinkled hands on this piece of prime expletive." The raven-tressed beauty’s hands slowly moved down her body. "But 2 million, 5 million, expletive ten, don’t make no difference, the answer’s still expletive no. But ya keep askin’, and I will pay ya a expletive visit. But not to pose for ya. To expletive wring ya expletive chicken-neck, rip off your expletive, shove it down your expletive throat, and burn ya expletive mansion to the expletive ground. That clear enough for ya, ya expletive piece of expletive?" The Slayer flung the mike to the ground, turned to leave, spun back around, and scooped the mike before snarling into it. "And the same goes if ya try for any of my girls, ya expletive dig?"

* * *

"Good day folks," Steve Liebmann beamed into the camera, pumped by the news he was delivering, "today is the 17th April 2006, and today we’re leading with the story that the missing Slayer War hero, Xander Harris, was found twenty miles north of Ayers Rock, in a remote town." He paused for a second. "Town dwellers report being awoken by the sound of a trio of helicopters landing. Moments later, a number of Slayers, including the now world-famous Faith Lehane, disembarked and began a search that apparently turned up the missing hero. After a heated discussion that is rumoured to have ended with Miss Lehane knocking the one-eyed man unconscious, the helicopters left."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Huw Edwards, at BBC News at ten," he smiled into the camera, "on the 20th April 2006. Today, the Council confirmed what has been rumoured for days. Alexander Harris, Slayer War veteran, and Scooby group founder has been found safe and well in Australia. And now to Gavin Hewitt outside the Council Keep?"

"Hello, Huw," Gavin’s face appeared on the screen, "Lorne read," the news reporter looked briefly stunned, "or rather sang a statement that the young man in question had been recovered."

"And what about the rumours about Xander Harris having to be restrained?" Huw asked.

"Lorne would only confirm that everyone was very pleased to have him back with his family."

* * *

"And now," Big Kenny Alpin swung his hands out wide. "Presenting the Grammy for Best Hard Rock Performance, she’s wild, she’s beautiful, she’s brave. She’s Faith Lehane!"

The Grammy Awards crowd rose as one as the Slayer strode on stage, wearing a low-cut , knee-length silver dress, their clapping seeming to shake the building’s foundations. Once the crowd had finally re-taken their seats, Big Kenny spoke. "So, the first thing I want to know is there any truth to the rumours about you and Xander Harris? And if there isn’t, is there any hope for The Universal Minister of Love?"

Faiith snorted as she looked towards him. "Not. A. Chance." The curvy Bostonian turned to the crowd. "You call that an ovation? I couldn’t hear a thing. Make some noise!"

* * *

"Today on the NBC Dateline," Stone Phillips’ voice cracked then steadied, "a year to the day since the Slayer War, we’re devoting the entire hour to discussing the Slayer phenomena. How it’s effecting our world view. Activists in the fields of feminism, lesbianism and Wiccan have reported an exponential growth. Is this a good thing? Worries about terrorism and global warming have been shelved in the wake of the new reality, is this right? Is anyone worried about this apparently independent army of super-powered warriors? To help me discuss these questions we’ve assembled a distinguished panel including Mr. Robson, member of the Council Ruling Body, and General Riley Finn."

* * *

"And today on Regis and Kathie Lee," Regis beamed into the camera, "there’s only one story we can be talking about. Can you guess? Of course you can! Kathie?"

His co-host beamed. "That’s right, Regis. Today, the 25th August 2006, it was confirmed that Faith LeHane and Alexander Harris are getting engaged." Kathie looked towards the audience crowd. "Let’s have a round of applause people!"

* * *

"And in other news," Huw looked down at his notes, "the wedding date for Faith LeHane and Xander Harris has been announced. The wedding will take place at Castle Leslie on 30th March 2007, with prominent figures from politics, European royalty, entertainment, and of course the Council will be present. It was also announced that the wedding pictures have been sold to OK for a sizeable seven figure sum with proceeds being split equally between the Christine Forest and Buffy Summers Memorial Funds."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Lisa Rinna, reporting from Ireland for Entertainment Tonight on the wedding of Alexander Harris and Faith LeHane. The world’s press gathered here just hours ago to witness the nuptials of the world’s most photographed woman to the battle-scarred warrior that rumours say she idolises. The wedding was different in a number of ways, the bride forewent the traditional dress to turn up looking glamorous in a specially tailored trouser suit, the best man was in fact a woman, Willow Rosenberg, and the Slayer was given away by the Council head. In addition, the musician vying to play at the ceremony including the Stones, Elton John, Stevie Wonder, and Paul McCartney were snubbed in favour of Lorne who took centre stage for a reputedly barn-storming performance."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Nancy O’Dell presenting Access Hollywood for you on 24th November 2007 and the big news today is that Lorne is rumoured to have turned down the opportunity to duet with Brittney Spears on her comeback album, ‘saying that crazy bitch makes looney-tunes Connor seem low maintenance’."

* * *

"Hello, I’m Huw Edwards, this is the Six O’ Clock News on the 23rd February 2008. Today, at an undisclosed London location and under the guard of two Paladin Units, Ms. Faith Lehane gave birth to twin boys, Jesse and Rupert Harris. Mother and babies are doing well. And now we’re going to a statement from Gavin Hewitt. Gavin?"

"Hello," Gavin beamed. "A red-eyed Rupert Giles read out a statement, the Council head’s normal cool reserve slipping on a number of occasions. "Mother and babies are doing well, the father was in attendance at the births. He said he was enormously touched to have one of the boys named after him, the other is named after Xander’s boyhood friend who was killed by the vampire, Darla. When asked for any comments from the new mother or father," Gavin Hewitt chuckled. "Faith was qouted to have said ‘nine months of carrying, six hours of pushing, you’re changing all the diapers Harris, and if I don’t get my figure back, run for the hills.’"

The End

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