Text Box: HEAVENLY TWINS ... there's only one thing better than a pie, and that's TWO pies.        

 

 

 

 

 

Text Box: Home      Pie Varieties       Pie History       *Pies-R-Us       Pie Style   Your Pies       Related Food       Pretentious, moi?  The best places to find good pies are usually butchers' shops in rural towns. The monster here was bought at Appletons in Ripon, North Yorkshire … the plate is a big one and the lattice-topped lovely weighed at least a kilo (2lb in English money). The worst places are buffet cars on trains and motorway service areas, closely followed by supermarkets and chain bakers. Avoid cellophane at all costs. Let’s examine some of the sources in more detail: 

BUTCHERS The best are usually independent butchers, but occasionally seen in larger towns and even cities. Chain butchers generally wouldn’t know a good pork pie if it kicked them in the privates. A good sign is that all the pies on display in the shop look slightly different, either in colour, shape or size. This suggests they’re not off a production line, but have been hand made … with love, care and attention. This in turn suggests they can be eaten with love, too. If the person behind the counter is smiling, you can probably risk it. If you’re at a chain butchers and the staff look as miserable as sin, have a bag of crisps. The general rule is that pies from most shops are worth trying, even if only in the interests of research.

SUPERMARKETS AND CHAIN BAKERS  Not usually the best places to find good pies, unless it’s a supermarket which has a deal with a local firm. The same usually applies to old-fashioned corner shops. If you are desperate and miles from home, perhaps some chain bakers are worth a quick look on the off chance of striking lucky. But don’t bank on it - the filling is normally fatty, the gelatine rubbery and the pastry like ceiling tiles. Again, our advice is to avoid cellophane-wrapping at all times.

 TRAINS AND MOTORWAY SERVICE AREAS Avoid pies on sale here like the plague. They are almost always the worst in the world. They are sold here because nobody else will have them and appear to have been made in an attempt to create the worst possible snack food. The filling is usually pure fat and gristle and the pastry an insult to flour and water. If you thought the sandwiches were bad, you should try the pies. Not recommended for anybody who values their health.

PUBS Can often be excellent sources of good pies, especially if the landlord has a free hand to buy his food where he likes. If it’s one of those chain pubs with kids’ swings outside, though, be careful. The pies are likely to be just as bad as the rest of the food and as bad as the beer as well, come to that. If the staff can’t pull a pint, that probably means they don’t sell good pies either. Well-run locals often sell great pies that go well with their beer and a game of doms.

 DELICATESSENS  Generally found in the food halls of better department stores and often a fine source of grade-one pies (right). Say what you like about the upper classes, they know how to kill pie ingredients. If the deli does sell pies, be ready for a bewildering array of different varieties … and some of them even manage to look home made. Probably the second best source, after local butchers. The big drawback is the unavoidable contact with other customers (often the type who use four-wheel drives to get into the city centre).

 

Text Box:   In our never-ending quest for new sources of pies, we came upon Hopkins of Birkenshaw, Bradford in West Yorkshire. Our pie inspector was told the pies (right) were award-winners so you can imagine how much we were looking forward to cutting into one. Well, it wasn’t bad, with a good consistency. But it was a bit bland and we suggest they need a generous helping of sauce, mustard or something else with taste.     Text Box:   Or, at least go to East Anglia, where we discovered a pie place called Pickerings, in Norwich. They do pies AND sausages, and can supply both by mail order. Pickerings’ pies look hand-made, and are better than average. The meat’s good, though the pastry is a bit soft and sticks to the roof of the mouth. But well worth a try if you find yourself stranded in the city that gave us mustard and Delia Smith. Note, though, that while the makers are based in effete East Anglia, they do at least boast a good North of England name. Ancestors were obviously missionaries.     Text Box:   CULTURE SHOCK ... some Southern softies are showing signs of catching on to pies. But, typically, they can't eat normal growlers and mince and tatie pies like real people. No, they have to have fillings that are just that little bit different. The Square Pie Company (left) is based in Spitalfields Market in the City of London, supplying pies to the upper crust (geddit?) who make enough to buy a porch every minute of the working day (how do they build porches in them loft apartments?). Their pies include: Wild mushroom and asparagus. They cannot be serious. Mashed vegetables. Now we KNOW they are from that Lunnun. Chorizo and patatas bravas. I mean, they can't even spell potato. Special needs pies. Look, just eat the pies. You don't want a conversation with them. They do sell other varieties, some of which we have heard of, and got some national newspaper coverage in, what else, the Guardian. VERDICT: probably all right for Southern jessies and the affected lot who work in the City. But for real people ... go North, young man.     Text Box:   Lawsons of Crawcrook (it’s on Tyneside) are rightly famous round those parts, and so is Audrey Lawson (with one of her masterpieces right). Go on, give them a try. The flaky pastry ones can even be given a blast in the microwave without ill effects, which is more than can be said for many others. Pies like the ones Audrey and her mates make are gagging for onion gravy and tinned marrowfat peas.   Text Box:   From Ripon in North Yorkshire. Appletons don’t know whether to have an apostrophe in their name (shop left, bag right), but we can forgive them for that, because they DO know how to make pies. Their lattice-top pork is a gem (see top of page), more than living up to the label of “Table Dainties” (printed at top left of bag is: "For Cooked Meats and Table Dainties").   Text Box:   We recommend ...