Pies-R-Squared - THE website for pie lovers

It may sound fairly obvious … you either eat them by hand, or put them on a plate and use a knife and fork.

But, as with peas (do you use fork or knife?), there are different styles of pie eating.

This is particularly true of eating pies by hand, when temperature, size and consistency of both pastry and contents have to be taken into account before a decision is made on which style to employ.

Look at freestyle pie eating as a bit like climbing a mountain … you don’t just start at the bottom and work your way up. You have to plan it in advance for a clean “kill”.

That is why some experts can be seen in city and town streets eating pies out of paper bags … the bags are there as safety nets in case of accidents.

We cannot stress enough, especially to young pie-eaters, the importance of planning. Eating a pie properly can increase the pleasure derived from it tenfold.  We strongly suggest that before the inexperienced pie-eater tackles a pie, thought must be given to how to go about it. There’s no substitute for planning, and many factors have to be taken into consideration if you are to succeed without making a mess or showing yourself up. Planning considerations include:

• The size and type of pie (runny or solid contents?)                                                      

• Is it hot, warm or cold?

• Are you going to eat it all now, or save some for later?

• Are you in company, or doing it in private?

• Are you sharing the pie, or having it all to yourself?

• Do you give a monkey's whether you upset or splash anybody?

PAPER BAGS  Often useful for eating flaky pastry pies. But containing hot pies with runny fillings is still very difficult. A double-bagger is suggested for these … two paper bags. After buying the pie (or pastie) let a corner peak out of the bag(s) and eat while holding both. This style is particularly prevalent for eating while walking, mainly in shopping areas.

PALM OF HAND  An ancient style, but still seen in use amongst the older generation. Particularly useful for pies with sloppy fillings, as long as they are not too hot. The pie is laid on the palm of the hand before hand and mouth are slowly brought together. Useful when the eater wants to see the pie at all times for full visual as well as oral enjoyment. 

FIST  The standard style which is recommended for most people. The pie is basically held in the hand in the same way as a banana or a sandwich and eaten. The little finger falls in line with the rest of the hand (in a fist) and does not extend at right angles to the other fingers. That style is known as:

POSH  Nothing to do with the David Beckham (who's probably never eaten a proper pie in his life). It’s just the same as the one above, but the extension of the little finger brings this style into line with eating habits like using napkins made out of cloth, using the knife only to cut food, calling sweets puddings and not reading while eating. 

USING CUTLERY  Not generally regarded as the historically correct way to eat pies, but widely accepted in some circles. Handy for pie salads or pie and peas … ever tried eating hot mushy peas with your fingers?