> BEER TROUBLESHOOTING
> 
>    Well, here's what we've all been waiting for: a comprehensive 
> troubleshooting guide for those special moments when something seems to
> be 
> wrong with your beer... or with you. It was forwarded by Michael
> Bartell. 
> Cheers!
> 
>    SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
>    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
>    ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
>    * * *
>    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
>    FAULT: Improper bladder control.
>    ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
>    * * *
>    SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
>    FAULT: Glass empty.
>    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
>    * * *
>    SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
>    FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
>    ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
>    * * *
>    SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
>    FAULT: You have fallen forward.
>    ACTION: See above.
>    * * *
>    SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
>    FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
>    ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
>    * * *
>    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
>    FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
>    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
> 
>