> If life were fair:
> 
> 1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a
> "Cheers for the sex - now piss off" would pretty much do it.
> 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager
> 3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would
> only occur in leap years.
> 4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking
> 5. St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month
> .6. Dale Winton and the makers of that awful 'Hey what about your
> garlic breath'. 'Doesn't matter I've got double mint' advert
> would be tied to a slab of cement and pushed off the Tyne bridge
> for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history
> 7. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday
> Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
> 8. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
> 9. Tanks would be far easier to rent.>>
> 10. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless
> 11. When the Police pull you over, every smart-alec answer you
> responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
> Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
> You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
> Cop: "Nice one, That's 20.00 off"
> 12. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again
> 13. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards
> per year.
> 14. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation
> 15. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the
> game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen
> when the ball goes out of play
> 16. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an
> acceptable response to "I love you".
> 17. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO
> 18. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable
> excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
> 19. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the
> "public ugliness" ordinance
> 20. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again ?" cards
> 21. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
> 22. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence
> and it would work every time
> 23. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under
> that would be fined
> 24. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire
> in strippers and 2000 a night hookers for the duration of those
> breaks
> 25. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to
> your wife/girlfriend would get the response. "What a great idea!!".
> 26. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work
> 27. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and any disagreements
>  would be settled by a fight to the death
> 28. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more
> attractive to the opposite sex.
> 29. Along with your milk in the morning the milkman would deliver
> two Swedish milk maids.
> 30. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and
> you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred
> Flintstone.
> 
>