>The 1999 Darwin Awards are in!! The true high point of the e-mail
> year has arrived.  Yes it is the 1999 Darwin Awards.  For those
> sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin
> Awards. These awards are given annually (and posthumously) to those
> individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing
> themselves from it.
> > >
> > >        DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP:
> > >
> > >        ¦1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided
> > >        to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the
> > >        aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker with
> > >        the explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They
> > >        ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home,
> > >        behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The
> > >        concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards,
> > >        seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches,
> > >        the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While
> > >        walking toward their car, Ani was stung three times by the
> > >        surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic
> > >        to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital.
> > >
> > >        ¦2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in
> > >        Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his
> > >        beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police,
> > >        Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a
> > >        semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional revolver)
> > >        to Ken's head and fired.
> > >
> > >        ¦3 - PHILLIPSBURG, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male choked
> > >        to death on a sequined pastie he had orally removed from an
> > >        exotic dancer at a local establishment. "I didn't think he was
> > >        going to eat it," the dancer identified only as "Ginger" said,
> > >        adding "He was really drunk."
> > >
> > >        ¦5 - MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk security man asked a colleague at
> > >        the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest
> > >        to see if it would protect him against a knife attack.  It
> > >        didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a heart wound. (It's
> > >        good to see the Russians getting into the spirit of the Darwin
> > >        Awards.)
> > >
> > >        ¦6 - In FRANCE, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when
> > >        he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall
> > >        cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end
> > >        of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire
> > >        to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last
> > >        moment.  He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him
> > >        completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the
> > >        threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking
> > >        extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was
> > >        dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a
> > >        hospital, where he died of hypothermia.
> > >
> > >        ¦7 - RENTON, WASHINGTON, USA.  A Renton, WA, man tried to
> > >        commit a robbery.  This was probably his first attempt, as
> > >        suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of violent
> > >        crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as listed below:
> > >        1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms...a gun shop.
> > >        2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a
> > >        substantial portion of the adult population is licensed to
> > >        carry concealed handguns in public places.
> > >        3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police
> > >        patrol car parked at the front door.
> > >        4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter,
> > >        having coffee before reporting to duty.
> > >        Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup
> > >        and fired a few wild shots.  The officer and a clerk promptly
> > >        returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other
> > >        customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one else
> > >        was hurt.
> > >
> > >        AND THE 1998 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS.....THOMPSON, MANITOBA,
> > >        CANADA. Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker,
> > >        31, was killed early Christmas morning by excessive microwave
> > >        radiation exposure. He was apparently attempting to keep warm
> > >        next to a telecommunications feed-horn.  Baker had been
> > >        suspended on a safety violation once last year, according to
> > >        Northern Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya Cooke. She
> > >        noted that Baker's earlier infraction was for defeating a
> > >        safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted maintenance
> > >        catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish. He
> > >        had told coworkers that it was the only way he could stay warm
> > >        during his twelve-hour shift at the station, where winter
> > >        temperatures often dip to forty below zero. Microwaves can heat
> > >        water molecules within human tissue in the same way that they
> > >        heat food in microwave ovens. For his Christmas shift, Baker
> > >        reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn
> > >        chair, which he positioned directly in line with the strongest
> > >        microwave beam. Baker had not been told about a tenfold boost
> > >        in microwave power planned that night to handle the anticipated
> > >        increase in holiday long-distance calling traffic.  Baker's
> > >        body was discovered by the daytime watchman, John Burns,who
> > >        was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas roast he
> > >        thought Baker must have prepared as a surprise. Burns also
> > >        reported to NMSR company officials that Baker's unfinished
> > >        beers had exploded.>
> > >