>    
> > Real life quotes! - Sounds all too familiar 
> > 
> > It's a Dilbert world... 
> > 
> > A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were
> looking for 
> > people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers.
> Here 
> are 
> > the finalists. 
> > 
> > 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
> building 
> using 
> > individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
> 
> > employees will receive their cards in two weeks." 
> > (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in
> Redmond, 
> > WA.) 
> > 
> > 2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
> encounter." 
> > (Likes Lines Shipping.) 
> > 
> > 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
> should be 
> > used only for company business." 
> > (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company) 
> > 
> > 4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more 
> > important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
> 
> Parcel 
> > Service) 
> > 
> > 5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one
> will 
> > believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it
> for 
> > months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when
> it's 
> > time to tell them." 
> > (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.-This
> one 
> should 
> > have won first place.) 
> > 
> > 6. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal
> that only 
> > needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and
> she 
> > couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected." 
> > (CIO of Dell Computers) 
> > 
> > 7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I
> say." 
> > (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) 
> > 
> > 8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
> When I 
> > told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on
> the 
> > busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial
> to 
> > Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." 
> > (Shipping executive, FTD Florists) 
> > 
> > 9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
> going 
> to 
> > discuss it with the employees." 
> > (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division) 
> > 
> > 10. We recently received a memo from senior management saying:"This
> is to 
> > inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject 
> mentioned 
> > above." 
> > (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division) 
> > 
> > 11. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
> concerning a 
> > project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon
> enough. He 
> > said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until 
> > tomorrow to ask for it!" 
> > (New business manager Hallmark Greeting Cards.) 
> > 
> > 12. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo
> reviewing 
> > our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the
> memo, in 
> > one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by
> one of 
> > the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the
> executive 
> > committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that
> the 
> > executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch.
> When I 
> > asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts"
> (pedophilia?) 
> > working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo,
> with 
> her 
> > demand that I be fired and the word "pedagogical" circled in red.
> The HR 
> > manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his
> 
> > dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he
> told 
> me 
> > not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo o the
> 
> entire 
> > staff came out directing us that no words which could not be found
> in the 
> > local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A 
> > month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I
> created my 
> > resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. 
> > (Taco Bell Corporation) 
>