Remind you of anyone ?


> > 
> >
> > Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to
> be one. The
> > word
> > "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your
> life who you
> > think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to
> > discern the truth.
> >
> > ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
> >
> > You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging
> > crooked. You...
> > A. Straighten it.
> > B. Ignore it.
> > C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months  designing a
> > solar-powered, self-adjusting picture  frame while often
> stating aloud
> > your
> > belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
> >
> > The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to
> > anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or
> > simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
> >
> > SOCIAL SKILLS
> >
> > Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social
> > interaction:
> >
> > "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things
> > from social interaction:
> >
> > * Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
> > * Important social contacts
> > * A feeling of connectedness with other humans
> >
> > In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational
> > objectives for social interactions:
> >
> > * Get it over with as soon as possible.
> > * Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
> > * Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all
> > subjects.
> >
> > FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
> >
> > To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into
> > one of two categories:
> >
> > (1) things that need to be fixed, and
> > (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had
> > a few minutes to play with them.
> >
> > Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems
> > handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal
> > people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it
> > ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't
> > broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
> >
> > No engineer looks at a television remote control without
> > wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No
> > engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of
> > Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the
> > engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and
> > feature-poor toys.
> >
> > FASHION AND APPEARANCE
> >
> > Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the
> > basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been
> > satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together,
> > and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in
> > plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met.
> > Anything else is a waste.
> >
> > DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
> >
> > Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will
> > employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a
> > false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of
> > placing appearance above function.
> >
> > Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are
> > widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent,
> > dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house.
> > While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to
> > date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire
> > to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who
> > will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
> >
> > Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later
> > than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their
> > mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of
> > sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
> >
> > * Bill Gates.
> > * MacGyver.
> > * Et cetera.
> >
> > Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and
> > remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical
> > death. Longer if it's a warm day.
> >
> > HONESTY
> >
> > Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human
> > relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers
> > away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who
> > can't handle the truth.
> >
> > Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say
> > things that sound like lies but technically are not because
> > nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list
> > of engineer lies is listed below.
> >
> > "I won't change anything without asking you first."
> > "I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
> > "I have to have new equipment to do my job."
> > "I'm not jealous of your new computer."
> >
> > FRUGALITY
> >
> > Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of
> > cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending
> > situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How
> > can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount
> > of cash?"
> >
> > POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
> >
> > If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the
> > ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion
> > of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes
> > engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes
> > in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before
> > processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical
> > engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up
> > in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out
> > of it.
> >
> > RISK
> >
> > Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they
> > can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes
> > one little mistake the media will treat it like it's a big deal
> > or something.
> >
> > EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS:
> >
> > * Hindenberg.
> > * Space Shuttle Challenger.
> > * SPANet(tm)
> > * Hubble space telescope.
> > * Apollo 13.
> > * Titanic.
> > * Ford Pinto.
> > * Corvair.
> >
> > The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like
> > this:
> >
> > RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands
> > of innocent people.
> > REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome
> > plastic frame.
> >
> > Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of
> > risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing.
> > The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is
> > technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated
> > to explain.
> >
> > If that approach is not sufficient to halt the project, then
> > the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's
> > technically possible but it will cost too much."
> >
> > EGO
> >
> > Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
> > * How smart they are.
> > * How many cool devices they own.
> >
> > The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to
> > declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk
> > away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness
> > or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case.
> > These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle
> > between the engineer and the laws of nature.
> >
> > Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a
> > problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they
> > succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush
> > that is better than sex.
> >
> > Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion
> > that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes
> > use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the
> > engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a
> > code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal
> > people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of
> > compassion and pity and say something along these lines:
> > "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult
> > technical problems."
> >
> > At that point it is a good idea for the normal person not to
> > stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will
> > set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
> >
> >
>