Gods Tech support calls, handled by Saints.

> -----Original Message-----
> 
> 
> 
> 'There is an upgrade path from the Old to the New Testament, but it's
> difficult and unsupported.'
> 
> 'We were only able to get the first seven Commandments on the 
> stone tablets.
> The last three will be in Commandments '98.'
> 
> 'You can't get your bush to burn? Have you tried sacrifice?'
> 
> 'The 'virgin birth' is not a bug, it's a documented feature.'
> 
> 'You'll need more RAM to run all four horseman concurrently.'
> 
> 'The first semaphore is being dropped, the second is 
> returning an olive
> branch.'
> 
> 'I.S. says it will rain for exactly 20 days.'
> 
> 'Kai's Revelations Tools produce some really cool effects but they're
> difficult to understand and use.'
> 
> 'We killed the process, but three days later it came back.'
> 
> 'The walls of Jericho won't fall without a 100% fully compatible
> Soundblaster Card.'
> 
> 'The voice of God is a standardised protocol, but each 
> prophet implements it
> differently.'
> 
> 'My wife looked at K&R and now she's a pillar of salt.'
> 
> 'Each loaf and fish comes with an AOL disk!'
> 
> 'Yes, the documentation is poorly organised, contradictory 
> and written by
> committee. It's still better than UNIX man pages.'
> 
> 'Adam & Eve would still be in the garden if they'd eaten the Windows.'
> 
> 'Who told you that? Lucifer? Of COURSE he'd say heaven has heating
> problems.'
> 
> 'Ah, no sir. No, I'm afraid not. We stopped honouring 
> indulgences hundreds
> of years ago.'
> 
> 'No. I'm afraid not. That's NOT what the Rapture is all 
> about. In fact,
> that's still classified as a sin'.
> 
> 'No, no, no. That's NOT what was meant by 'Love thy neighbour 
> as thyself'.'
> 
> 'The Apocrypha? I'm sorry sir. We don't support third party 
> additions.'
> 
> 'Yes we do offer a lifetime guarantee. As long as you 
> registered yourself
> with us via baptism, you're covered. Yes, even then. Yes, we 
> know it's quite
> a good deal. Why thank you, we like to think it's the best 
> deal around.'
> 
> 'Did you read the release notes for Godly service? No? Well, 
> it clearly
> states that 'Celibate' was a typo. It should have been 'Celebrate'...
> Sir? Sir?'
> 
> 'Yes, there's an SDK and we have done some limited 
> partnerships in the past.
> In fact, some developers had access to the Miracles SDK for 
> awhile. However,
> we ran into some problems with legal, so it was pulled.'
> 
> 'I'm sorry. There currently no way to extend the beta period for an
> individual human.'
> 
> 'The office of God has no official comment on the use or 
> existence of other
> 'companies', past, present or future.'
> 
> 'We simply provide a tool called 'life'. It's neither good 
> nor bad. What you
> do with it is up to you. However, you may want to get in 
> touch with our
> marketing department so we can use you as an endorsement or 
> case study if
> things go particularly well.'
> 
> 'Satan called in again, pretending to be a customer.'
> 
> 'Man, I hate taking those walking on water calls, especially 
> when they've
> already fallen in a few times.'
> 
> 'I'm sorry sir, but we do not support life on Mars.'
> 
> 'You killed your son to prove your faith? Didn't you see the addendum
> to the readme.txt?'
> 
> 'We have seen problems with receiving the Holy Spirit, so we need to
> re-initialise your COM port.'
> 
> 'I'm very sure that if it's got serial number 666, it's not 
> our product.'
> 
> 'You're feeling lustful for your neighbour's wife? We have a 
> technote for
> that.'
> 
> 'Worshipping a false idol certainly is in violation of the support
> agreement.'
> 
> 'Ma'am, yelling at me isn't going to make Him fix the problem 
> any sooner.'
>