> > HOW TO HELP YOUR INFORMATION SYSTEMS SUPPORT STAFF 
> >
> > 1. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages 
> > from here.
> > 2. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. It's 
> > nothing for us to remember 3,000 screen saver passwords.
> > 3. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it 
> > buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,
> > dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, 
> > and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
> > 4. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer 
> > support.  We can fix your line from here.
> > 5. When you get a message about a hard disk controller failure, and
> > then you reboot and it looks okay, don't call I.T. support. We'd much 
> > rather troubleshoot it when it's dead as a doornail.
> > 6. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. 
> > Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer 
> still
> > won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the 
> branch.
> > One of them is bound to work.
> > 7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch, walk right in and spill your 
> > guts right out. We exist only to serve.
> > 8. When you have an I.T. person fixing your computer at a quarter past 
> > noon, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly
> dizzy.
> > 9. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly 
> > what you mean by "my thingy's outta whack".
> > 10.     When you call an I.T. person's direct line, press 5 to skip the 
> > bilingual greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your
> > message and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to 
> the
> > director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to 
> common
> > courtesy.
> > 11.     When you need to change the toner cartridge, call I.T. support. 
> > Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and
> > Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional 
> > engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
> > 12.     When something's the matter with your computer, ask your 
> secretary
> > to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a 
> > third party who doesn't know jack shit about the problem.
> > 13.     When your eyes fall on the family pictures on an I.T. person's 
> desk,
> > exclaim in a flabbergasted tone of voice: "YOU have a child?!?" We need 
> to
> > be reminded of how lucky we were to ever have got laid.
> > 14.     When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a 
> > Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.
> > 15.     If you need to buy a computer for your daughter in college, feel 
> > free to pick our brains while we're taking a leak. We're good at talking 
> > shop when peeing.
> > 16.     If you curse every morning when you start to type your password 
> and
> > the Virus Shield splash screen pops up in your face, disable the Virus 
> > Shield.  Again, this is just like real life: if you don't like condoms, 
> > just don't use them, that's all.
> > 17.     When you see an I.T. person having a beer with a member of the
> > opposite sex on a Friday night, walk right up to them and ask a computer 
> > question.  We don't do dating; the reason why we have that horny look on 
> > our  faces is because we're discussing the new Intel processor.
> > 18.     When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing $15,000 worth 
> of
> > computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you 
> > take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that
> cracks
> > us up no end.
> > 19.     Don't ever thank us. We're getting paid for this.
> > 20.     We don't really believe that you're a bunch of ungrateful 
> twits...
> > It hurts our feelings that you could even think such a thing. We wish to 
> > express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers
> portrayed
> > herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible. 
> >
> 
> 
>