>---------------------------
>
>Subject:  Men - for women only
>
>
>
>   1.   What do you call a handcuffed man?
>        Trustworthy.
>
>   2.   What does it mean when a man is in your bed
>   gasping for breath
>        and calling your name?
>        You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
>
>   3.   Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
>        Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
>
>   4.   Why do men like smart women?
>        Opposites attract.
>
>   5.   How are husbands like lawn mowers?
>        They're hard to get started, they emit noxious
>   odors, and half
>        the time they don't work.
>
>   6.   How can you tell when a man is well hung?
>        When you can just barely slip your finger in
>   between his neck
>        and the noose.
>
>   7.   How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
>        We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we
>   iron-they wrinkle.
>
>   8.   How do men exercise on the beach?
>        By sucking in their stomachs every time they
>   see a bikini.
>
>   9.   How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
>        Make him wear shoes.
>
>   10.  How does a man show he's planning for the
>   future?
>        He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
>
>   11.  How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
>        All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and
>   thighs.
>
>   12.  How many men does it take to screw in a light
>   bulb?
>             ONE .........He just holds it up there and
>   waits for the
>        world to revolve around him.
>
>   13.  What did God say after creating man?
>        I can do so much better.
>
>   14.  What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
>        Any place without a drive-up window.
>
>   15.  What do you call a man with half a brain?
>        Gifted.
>
>   16.  What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's
>   God's gift to women.
>        Exchange him.
>
>   17.  What should you give a man who has everything?
>        A woman to show him how to work it.
>
>   18.  What's a man's idea of honesty in a
>   relationship?
>        Telling you his real name.
>
>   19.  What's the best way to force a man to do sit
>   ups?
>        Put the remote control between his toes.
>
>   20.  What's the difference between Big Foot and an
>   intelligent man?
>        Big Foot's been spotted several times.
>
>   21.  What's the smartest thing a man can say?
>        "My wife says..."
>
>   22.  Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
>        So men can understand them.
>
>   23.  Why did God create man before woman?
>        Because you're always supposed to have a rough
>   draft before
>        creating your masterpiece.
>
>   24.  Why do female black widow spiders kill the
>   males after mating?
>        To stop the snoring before it starts.
>
>   25.  Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
>        To keep them from grazing.
>
>   26.  Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
>        Because after 30 seconds they forget what
>   happened.
>
>   27.  Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize
>   one egg?
>        Because not one will stop and ask for
>   directions.
>
>   28.  Why is it good that there are female
>   astronauts?
>        When the crew gets lost in space, at least the
>   woman will ask
>        for directions.
>
>   29.  Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men
>   than for women?
>        When it's time to go back to his childhood,
>   he's already there.
>
>
>