> TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM ONE MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH . . .: 
> > 
> > If you think you're fat, you probably are . Don't ask us. We refuse 
> > to answer. 
> > 
> > Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. 
> > 
> > If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect 
> > us to act like soap opera guys. 
> > 
> > Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more 
> > attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting 
> > married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're 
> > stuck with her. 
> > 
> > If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an 
> > answer you don't want to hear. 
> > 
> > Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't 
> > ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss 
> such 
> > topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 
> > 
> > Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. 
> > Let it be. 
> > 
> > Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think 
> > of it that way. 
> > 
> > When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is 
> > fine. Really. 
> > 
> > You have enough clothes. 
> > 
> > You have too many shoes. 
> > 
> > Crying is blackmail. 
> > 
> > Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints 
> > don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. 
> > Just say it! 
> > 
> > No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark 
> > anniversaries on the calendar. 
> > 
> > Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss 
> > sometimes. 
> > 
> > Most guys own three pairs of shoes---what makes you think we'd be 
> > any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with 
> > your dress? 
> > 
> > Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every 
> > question. 
> > 
> > Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. 
> > That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 
> > 
> > A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a 
> > doctor. 
> > 
> > Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 
> > 
> > Check your OWN oil. 
> > 
> > It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz 
> > together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 
> > 
> > Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All 
> > comments become null and 
> > void after 7 days. If something we said can be interpreted two 
> > ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other 
> > one. 
> > 
> > Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. 
> > 
> > You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do 
> > something but not both. 
> > 
> > Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during 
> > commercials. 
> > 
> > ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a 
> > color. 
> > 
> > If it itches, it will be scratched. 
> > 
> > If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act 
> > like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the 
> > hassle. 
> 
> 
>