> >>What if............ Star Wars was set in Glasgow..... 
> >>
> >>Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd
> >>only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. 
> >>He'd have the same amount of body hair but would
> >>also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and 
> >>invariably sport a Rangers top.
> >>
> >>Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as
> >>Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a 
> >>fight with him would addess him as Wanky-Nobby
> >>Darth Vader would be referred to as 'Auld Helmet
> >>Heid' or in moments of stress 'That Dome-Heided Basturd' 
> >>
> >>R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after
> >>10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers 
> >>in his head casing or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near
> >>groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray 
> >>painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire
> >>
> >>Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0
> >>would still be unable to understand anything anyone from the
> >>East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a 
> >>'greetin-faced wee poof fae Milngavie'.
> >>
> >>The Millenium Falcon would have static strips,
> >>tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would
> >>have a Daily Record I Love Scotland sticker in the back window and a 
> >>saltire bumper sticker.
> >>
> 
> >>Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader
> >>because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5inch
> >>platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over 
> your
> >>arse every two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6. 
> >>
> >>The best way to detroy the Death Star would not
> >>necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy 
> >>ways would be:
> >>
> >>* alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and 
> >>tell the locals it was full of Fenians.
> >>
> >>* leave it unattended in Easterhouse. 
> >>
> >>_______________________________________________________________________ 
> >>
> >>Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:- 
> >>
> >>Han Solo
> >>"I've got a real bad feeling about this" 
> >>   "Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"
> >>
> >>"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around." 
> >>  "Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"
> >>
> >>"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
> >>  "The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!" 
> >>
> >>"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at 
> >> your side, kid."
> >>  "Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get 
> yersel'
> >>   a decent shooter"
> >>
> >>Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker 
> >>"The Force is strong in this one"
> >>  "Stop shooglin' ya wee basturd!" 
> >>
> >>Princess Leia
> >>"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?" 
> >>  "Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"
> >>"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade." 
> >>  "Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' shite"
> >>
> >>Admiral Motti
> >>"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
> >>  "You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae 
> you!"
> >>
> >>Obi Wan
> >>"I felt a great disturbance in the Force." 
> >>  "F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"
> >>
> >>Luke to the Emperor
> >>"Your overconfidence is your weakness." 
> >>  "Oh ye bloody think so!"