> EVIDENCE THAT IT COULD BE WORSE :
>
> >
> > A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.  The
> > tech asked her if she was "running it under
> > Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But
> > that's a good point. The man sitting in the
> > cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
> >
> > **********
> >
> > For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone,
> and
> > our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the
> > class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and
> > switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing
> > and immediately got a distressed look on her face.  She called the tutor
> > over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen.
> >
> > The tutor tried everything.  By this time I was hiding behind my monitor
> > and quaking red-faced. I typed, "Leave me alone!" They both jumped back
> as
> > this appeared on their screen. "What the..." the tutor said.  I typed,
> "I
> > said leave me alone!" The kid got real upset.  "I didn't do anything to
> > it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The
> > conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five
> > minutes.
> > Me: "Don't touch me!"
> > Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
> > Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!"   Etc.
> > Finally, I  couldn't contain myself any longer, and fell out of my chair
> > laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet
> > red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
>
> **********
>
> > Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
> same
> > time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.  Now type
> > the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
> > Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
> > Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
> > Customer: "What do you mean?"
> > Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
> > Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
>
> > **********
>
> > Overheard in a computer shop:
> > Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
> > Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
> > Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
>
> > **********
>
> > I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back
> > to the sender when I was finished with it,
> > because he needed to keep it.
>
> > **********
>
> > Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for
> > me?"
>
> > **********
>
> > I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start
> > something like this:
> > Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
>
> > **********
>
> > Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
> > Tech Support: "Yeah."
> > Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
> > Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
>
> > **********
>
> > Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
> > Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a
> > Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
> > Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir.  I don't believe
> it
> > was meant to-"
> > Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in
> > icons."
> > Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a
> > filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
> > Customer: [click]
>
> > **********
>
> > Customer: "My computer crashed!"
> > Tech Support: "It crashed?"
> > Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
> > Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
> > Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
> > Tech Support: "Huh?"
> > Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before.
> > I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
> > Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
> > Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
>
> > **********
>
> > Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems:
> > the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed
> > strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half.  I walked
> her
> > through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It
> > printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the
> > printer. As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed
> it
> > to me. I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own.
> > Problem solved.
>
> > **********
>
> > I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for
> > about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't
> > solve.   She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print
> > fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan,
> > magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and
> > yellow, but green printed fine.  Every color of the rainbow printed fine
> > except for yellow.
> > I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and
> > reinstall the drivers.  Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help;
> > they offered no new ideas.  After over two hours of troubleshooting, I
> was
> > about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when
> > she asked quietly,  "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper
> > instead of this yellow paper?"
>
> > **********
>
> > A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech
> > support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
> > printer."
> > On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the
> > screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
>
> > **********
>
> > And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in
> the
> > opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained
> > that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed
> when
> > we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.
>
> > **********
>
> > Customer: "Hello? I'm trying to dial in. I installed the software okay,
> > and it dialed fine. I could hear that. Then I could hear the two
> computers
> > connecting. But then the sound all stopped, so I picked up the phone to
> > see if they were still connected, and I got the message, 'No carrier,'
> on
> > my screen.  What's wrong?"
>
> > **********
>
> > An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows
> > installation that had gone terribly wrong.
> > Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my
> home
> > computer."
> > Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the
> > little act of piracy slide.
> > Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
> > Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."
> > Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
> > Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk.
> Would
> > you like to initialize it?'"
> > Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
> > Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be
> > blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the
> > A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of
> Windows
> > disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
>
> > **********
>
> > This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message
> > every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and
> > password in capital letters.
> > Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case  letters."
> > Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
>
> > **********
>
> > Email from a friend:   "CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"
>
> > **********
>
> > My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He
> > noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations
> > with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.
> > After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same
> > position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
> > He asked if she needed help and she replied   "It's about time!
> > I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"