> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      Two cannibals eating a  clown.
> >      One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" >>
> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking
> battery acid,
> >      the other was eating fireworks.
> >
> >      They charged one and let the other one off.
> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He
> picks the dog
> >      up and starts swinging it around his head.
> >
> >      Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help,
> sir?' 'No thanks,'
> >      says the bl ind bloke. 'Just looking.'
> >
> >
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >      "Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle
> of a library and
> >
> >      go 'Aaaaaa agghhhh' and everyone just stares at you.
> But  you do the
> >      same thing on an aerop lane, and everyone joins in.
> >
> >
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >      "He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of
> your trouser
> > legs
> >      and put i t in a library.'
> >
> >      I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."
> >
> >
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >      "And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down,
> and people were
> >      chucking mo ney to him.
> >
> >      I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said
> 'Yes, this my
> >      livelihood.'
> >
> >
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> >      "So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to
> me "Can you
> > give
> >      me  lift? "
> >
> >      I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
> go for it.'"
> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
> >      today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it
> said 'Parking
> >      Fine.' So tha t was nice."
> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      "So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said I
> want to buy an
> >      ice-cream'.
> >
> >      He said Hundreds & thousands?'
> >
> >
> >      I said 'We'll start with one.'
> >
> >
> >      He said 'Knickerbocker glory?'
> >
> >
> >      I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these
> trousers, yes.'
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> >      So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
> >
> >      I said "Why?"
> >
> >      He said "My dog's died.'"
> >
> >
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >      "Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they?
> >
> >
> >      The one  I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is
> > unusual'.
> >
> >      And  the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing
> >      cabinet.'"
> >
> >
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >
> >      "So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it
> up, and said
> >      'Who's speaking please?'
> >
> >      And a voice said 'You are.'"
> >
> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      "So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that
> the local
> >      swimming baths?'
> >
> >      He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a
> skip outside my
> >
> >      house.'
> >
> >      He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> --------
> >      "Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
> And there are 5
> >      people in m y family, so it must be one of them. It's
> either my mum
> > or
> >      my dad. Or my older b rother Paul. Or my younger
> brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
> >
> >      But I think it's Paul."
> >
> >
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >      "So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my
> boss rang up,
> > and
> >      he said ' You've been promoted.'
> >
> >      And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and
> said "You've
> > been
> >      promoted again.'
> >
> >      And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're
> > managing
> >      director. '
> >
> >      And I went into a tree.
> >
> >      And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
> >
> >      And I said 'I careered off the road.'
>