> > This is an actual essay written by a university applicant. The author, 
> > Graham Gallagher, now attends Southampton University.
> >
> > 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR UNIVERSITY TO GET 
> > TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE
> > FOLLOWING QUESTION:
> >
> > ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS 
> > YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
> >
> > I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I 
> > have been
> > known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more 
> > efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for 
> > Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
> > efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. 
> >
> > I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot 
> > bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook
> > Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a 
> > veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
> >
> > Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
> > defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious 
> > army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester
> > United, I am the subject of
> > numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension
> > bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after 
> > school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
> >
> > I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. 
> > Critics
> > worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I 
> > don't
> > perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have 
> > appeared on
> > Through the Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I toured
> > Eastern Europe with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run 
> > the 100m in 9.65 secs. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame 
> > in international botany circles. Children trust me.
     
> >
> > I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly
> > accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield 
> > in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that 
> > evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the
> > supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I 
> > sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on
> > vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of
> > terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not 
> > apply to me.
> >
> > I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On 
> > weekends,
> > to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I 
> > discovered
> > the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made 
> > extraordinary
> > four course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville Toaster. I 
> > breed
> > prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving 
> > competitions
> > in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played 
> > Hamlet, I
> > have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. 
> >
> > But I have not yet gone to University. 
> >