>** A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid.
>         "Certainly Sir," says Jervaise the waiter, "Would you like to choose
>your squid from the tank over there?"
>         "I'll have that little green one with the moustache" says the 
> customer.
>         "Oh no!" replies Jervaise "but he's my favourite! - He's so small 
> and
>cute and friendly.  Surely you'd prefer one of the bigger, meatier
>ones?"
>         "No" says the customer "It's got to be that one".
>         So Jervaise gets the little green squid out and puts him on the
>chopping block, raises his knife and ....... the little squid looks up
>and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a big friendly grin!
>         "It's no good", says Jervaise, "I can't do it.   I'll have to ask 
> Hans
>who does the washing up.  He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do
>the evil deed."
>         So out comes Hans, while Jervaise disappears off in tears. Hans 
> picks
>up the knife, raises it to chop the little squid's head off and......
>once again the little friendly squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his
>little legs and twitching his little moustache.  So Hans, too, finds it
>impossible to kill him.
>         The moral?
>.
>.
>.
>.
>         Hans that does dishes is as soft as Jervaise with mild green 
> hairy-lip
>squid.
>
>-----------------------------
>
>** The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.
>         "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
>         "Listen!  I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
>         "Okay.  Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?"
>she asks sweetly.
>         "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry!  I don't wanna eat!
>Alright!  Is that alright with you?  Can't I come home from work and
>just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"
>         At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things
>around the apartment in a mad rage.
>
>Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself,
>"Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
>
>-------------------------------------
>
>
>** Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in
>the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back
>alley. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of
>blood.
>         "Help me, I've been mugged and viciously beaten" he pleaded.
>         The two social workers turned and walked away.
>         One remarked to her colleague:
>         "You know the person that did this really needs help."
>
>--------------------------------------------------
>
>
>** One day in the jungle a chimpanzee invented some tools to eat his
>dinner. One tool was a flat stick sharpened along one edge, this he used
>to cut his food. The other was a stick with four smaller sticks attached
>to the end each sharpened to a point
>         He used to spear his food and place it in his mouth. The chimp 
> was very
>proud of his inventions which he called his one point tool and his four
>point tool.
>         One day he awoke to find that the four point tool was missing. The
>chimp was distraught. He ran around the jungle trying to find his
>precious tool.
>         First he came upon the lion.
>         "Lion, Lion!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?"
>         "No." Replied the lion, "I have not seen your four point tool."
>         Then the chimp came upon the gorilla.
>         "Gorilla, Gorilla!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?"
>         "No." Replied the gorilla, "I have not seen your four point tool."
>         Then the chimp came upon the jaguar.
>         "Jaguar, Jaguar!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?"
>         "Yup!" replied the jaguar, "I've seen your four point tool."
>         "Well where is it?" inquired the chimp.
>         "I ate it." Said the jaguar, smugly.
>         "Why would you do that?" Cried the chimp.
>
>         "Because," replied the big cat, "I'm a four point tool eater jaguar!"