"I woth riding my old bithycle
And I thaw thith narrow gap
I tried to thqueethe right through it
When I had thith thmall mith-hap

Tho pleathe would you exthcuthe me
Whiltht I vithit the Dental doc
I need to have my front teeth fixthed
Thith hath been quite a thyock

Now granny has her new front teeth
She's back with us again
Looking for new adventures
Like a never ending chain

Granny went into the garden
And stood looking up at the moon
The stars in the sky
Seamed to twinkle and cry
Please come and visit me soon

Now this trip was not like ballooning
Granny knew this only too well
She dug deep in her pocket
To purchase a rocket
Her motor-trike she had to sell

Granny must now get all kitted up
To go on this trip if she dare
"Swap the crash hat" she said
"For a space hat instead"
That would help her to breathe good clean air

So Granny took off in her rocket
And signalled as she passed by the moon
"I'm doing just fine
So get off the line"
And we heard Granny humming a tune

She circled the moon about three or four times
Taking photos whilst floating around
On her way home
Peering out of the dome
She landed on Earth safe and sound

Everyone cheered and applauded
And Granny, she took a bow
Bombarded with questions
And quite some suggestions
Said "that's my last adventure for now"

This gave her a magical moment
And a completely new point of view
She thought "What a sight,"
At a breath taking height
"A new little venture to ensue."

Granny's gone off round the world
'Pon acquiring a hot air balloon
She turned up the fire
It lifted her higher
She was gone from our air space by noon

She thinks eighty days will suffice her
But some how I'm not quite so sure
When she returns
With all that she learns
I will tell you the things that she saw

Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!

Granny's learning ballet
But she won't take off her boots
It looks a little Russian
And is causing lots of hoots

She saw the Cossacks dancing
When she passed in her balloon
And would like to learn the steps
If she could find a Russian tune

I wonder what she'll get up to
When she passes over Greece
Will she try out Zorba's dance?
Or find Jason's Golden Fleece?

I think we'll have to wait and see
Just where she goes to next
Then like now I'll let you know
By putting it into text

 

She turned the burners up and up
And the raced towards the sky
I think she over did it 'cause
The balloon went much too high

A few weeks later Granny jumped out
By now she was feeling quite bored
She free-fell for a little while
And then she pulled the cord

In a clear blue sky she saw the sea
For miles and miles and miles
This really got her thinking
And her face broke out in smiles

As she drifted slowly down
She thought of Paragliding
Now my Granny is off again
Her adventures never subsiding

 

The Skis

The snow is very deep this year
So granny bought some skis
After boarding, scooting and skating
She took to this with ease

It snowed that night and settled deep
And granny woke up with a smile :-)
She went to the top of the steepest road
And slid mile after mile after mile

Granny found out very soon
That the skis had no braking power
And granny was caught on camera
Sliding seventy miles per hour

At the foot of the hill was a cross road
And granny she could not turn
She slid right down a one way street
And a spray of snow did churn

Sirens were blaring, the chase was on
The police donned their skis as well
They eventually caught up with my granny
And they put her in a cell :-(

“ I’m so sorry” said my granny
And they let her go home that day
“I’ll have to find a new past time now
They have taken my skis away"

 

Granny is Because

I never had a Granny
I sought, her in my dreams
Granny is adventurous
And loved by all it seems

I know you'll love my Granny
For she's got a lot of drive
And if you follow what she does
Then laughter will survive

I'm sure she'll make you giggle
Though I've not seen her perform
If you use imagination
You'll see she's in top form

So why not read my Granny
When you have a mo' to spare
And find out what she gets up to
On the days that I'm not there.

 

Geriatrike

Now granny has her motor- trike
I mentioned it last year
She's really very happy
And she's bought some leather gear

One day she roared along the road
With intent to do a wheelie
But having three wheels on her trike
It seamed more like a t'weely

My granny is the greatest
And I love her ideology
So I had to write just one more verse
And complete this tricycology

Shopping

My granny bought a basket
'Twas mounted on two wheels.
She called it her golden chariot.
Then went shopping for mega deals

She took her golden chariot
To every store in town
It carried all her shopping
And never let her down

She used her golden chariot
For years and years and years
But then one day she wrote to me
Poor granny was in tears

She said, "I went out shopping
To buy some eggs and butter
The wheels fell off my chariot
And rolled into the gutter"

"The AA will not touch it
Because it has no motor
And said I'd better have it moved
Or pay a parking quota"

So granny took the frame and said
"I will not be charged for parking"
The wheels inside she dragged it home
And the chassis was a sparking

 

Granny's gone to Scotland
To visit my aunt Jessie
And what do you think she saw
When she got there?

She went up to the loch
Where she saw the monster Nessie
And I'm telling you
It gave her quite a scare.

Now Granny took her camera
And the next day she went back
She boldly took a picture
From the Shore.

She said "When I get home
I will mount this on a plaque
Then I can show my friends
Just what I saw

Physical Jerks

Granny works out in the gym.
She goes there twice a week
She likes to keep her body
In condition so to speak

She likes to jog along the beach
And walk a mile or so
She even does karate
And I'll bet you didn't know

But when her day is over
And granny takes a shower
We have to listen to her songs
For the best part of an hour

With all that granny likes to do
And she'll try just any thing
I feel I have to tell you
That granny cannot sing

So I think I'll just encourage her
To keep up her physical jerks
The tone will be much better
And she'll benefit the perks

Remember my granny who borrowed my bike?
Well now she's borrowed a bull
She put on the gear
And mounted a steer
Now she's riding that beast to the full

She decided to go to the US of A
And join in the old rodeo
She took a few courses
On ponies and horses
And mastered the art of bronco

Now granny is home and there's just my old bike
Which unfortunately has only one gear
But this is not the end
Because granny's best friend
Has a motor-trike for her, for next year.

My Granny decided to borrow my bike
She's eighty but handled it well
Careered down the road past ramblers on hike
Furiously ringing the bell

The local bobby, whilst out on his route
Had heard all the hikers complaining
Chased after my Granny in red hot pursuit
Shouting "ma'am you've got some explaining"

My Granny sped on arounding the bend
To find that the road did not camber
She mounted the verge in a racing like trend
Zipping through as the lights changed to amber

Faster and faster the downhill she braved
By no means feeling at ease
As she passed by our house, with both hands she waved
Landing headfirst in Grandpa's sweet peas

"Oh dear" said my Granny as she pulled herself out
"I don't think that I'll do that again
But I have to admit that without any doubt
'Twas more venturous than bus or by train"

 

Granny on Board

My granny's bought a skateboard
I knew she would one day
The police won't give her back her trike
And she's worn her skates away

She thought her skates were exciting
But skateboarding's much more fun
Now she works out on the ramps
Her new hobby has just begun

The kids all love my granny
There's no stunt that she won't try
And the antics she gets up to
"Oh dear" I have to sigh

She even went out scooting
And she really acquired the knack
But she didn't like the handlebars
So she took the scooter back

One day she'll maybe settle down
But I don't think it'll be too soon
I've just heard the latest rumours
About a big hot air balloon

Hi, hello! My granny is back
Up to her usual capers
She drove her trike along the beach
You'll read this in the papers.

She tossed the sand with both back wheels
Trying to impress her mates
The police have confiscated her trike
So now she's bought some skates.

She went to the park to work things out
And mastered the art of balance
I really admire my granny
For she is of many talents.

I wonder what she'll think of next
When her skates are all worn out
I think she'll get a skateboard
Of this I have no doubt.

Granny has given up her skates
And has bought a new PC
When she has it all set up
Will send e-mails back to me.

She still goes on adventures
And flies in her balloon
But hooked on her computer said
She'll be in touch quite soon.

She's put away her water skis
Instead she'll surf the net
Though water skiing is quite fun
She found she got too wet.

As for motor trike's and bulls
She felt the going tough
After a Speight at the rodeo
She thought it much too rough.

My granny isn't finished yet
She's just looking for ventures new
With surfing on her desk PC
She'll find all sorts to ensue.

Elevating Odyssey

Granny used the lift one day
Which way it went was hard to say

It started off and then it stopped
It reached the top and then it dropped

It descended to zero safe and sound
The doors would open not she found

It shuddered and then up it went
Chills right through her spine it sent

It went up and down again and again
She began to think she was going insane

The man next door ran up and down
Pressing buttons like a clown

As he went up to the very next floor
The lift came down with a tightly shut door

It finally stopped and granny walked out
Her odyssey cost less than nowt

As she left the lift, the doors closed tight
It continued it's journey through the night

 

Hanging

Granny bought a clothes rail
To hang up her surplus togs
It even had a foot rail where
She could prop her clogs

One day she hung her biking gear
After a ton up on her trike
The rail began to sink one side
And this granny did not like

So granny set to work at once
To try and stop it sliding
Holding the top of the rail as well
To stop the wheels from gliding

But the rail had clearly a mind of its own
For its wheels went this way and that
And this is the view of granny’s new rail
From the place on the floor where she sat

Now granny has sorted every thing out
And the rail is firm on the floor
But granny’s motortriking togs
Are hanging on the back of the door

Granny is playing golf today
She bought some clubs and a trolley
But when it came to teeing off
Oh by gosh by golly

She missed the ball about 4 times
Then got a whole in one
She sliced the ball into the air
To applauds and shouts “well done”

She wedged the ball into a bunker
When she reached the 15th hole
We thought she was going down under
But I think the game she stole

She was out on three, back on the green
Beginner’s luck you know
“I think I like this game” she said
"It’s just the way to go"

 

 

Ouchery

Granny took up archery
She bought her self a bow
The instructor told her” lift it up
Don’t hold it down so low”

So granny pulled the string right back
And raised her bow up high
She nearly cut her ear off
As she let the arrow fly

“Oh golly” said my granny
I can see that this is fun
I think I’ve lost my arrow
Good job I’ve more than one

“I wonder where it went “She said
This Left her quite perplexed
“It didn’t hit the bull's eye
Oh dear what ever next”

Suddenly the instructor ducks
As past his head it whooshes
“I think you’ll find it over there
It landed in the bushes”

I’m sure my granny likes this sport
Though her aiming isn’t perfect
With practice and a little time
She’ll learn to find her target

 

 

Granny’s Car

Granny has bought a motor car
Where will she go to next?
She had to take some lessons
And this left her quite perplexed

But granny passed her test first time
And off she went for a ride
“I don’t have very much time” she said
Leaving her chores to one side

“I thought I’d go for a little spin
Just up and round the block
I must keep an eye out for the time
On my super radio clock”

Granny’s through with doing wheelies
Though occasionally ride here trike
And right at the back of the garage
Is her ancient one gear bike

They really aught to stay there
She may need them you never know
Though now she has her motor car
It just seams the way to go

Granny decided to go for a swim
So of she went down to the river.
She donned her swim suite
In which she looked cute
But was cold and started to shiver

She thought she would take off her crash hat
Because it might cause her to sink
She dived into the water
And then thought she aught to
Get her arms and her legs into sync

Now granny’s a really good swimmer
She started when she was just two
She ran into the sea
Fully dressed and then she
Floated back on a wave crying ooh