Nonsense Numbers

Invisible

I've made myself invisible
I really don't know how
I mixed this pink concoction
That you see me poring now

I do not know what chemicals
I used to make it pink
But now I'm quite translucent
And I find it hard to think

I have no mirror image
And no shadow at my feet
My hands miss when I clap them
And it's awkward when I eat

I've mixed another potion
And I've made it strong and clear
I hope it turns me back again
Ah yes ! I see me here

I think they call it whiskey
And it seems I drank too much
'Cause today I'm not so see-through
But my head does hurt to touch

Ming ?

I have a little Chinese pot
With a beautiful design
I fill it with little flowers
And I think it looks just fine

It sits upon the mantel
With dignity and grace
With little Chinese markings
Very neatly in their place

It's just a tiny, little pot
When you flick it, it goes ching
The label says "Made in China''
And I think it's quite Char ming

Glowing

The moon was full, the sky was dark,
Twas ten o'clock at night
The beast rose up and went out side
To give some one a fright

He roamed the streets for an hour or so
'Til hair grew on his arms
When his claws protruded and his teeth changed to fangs
He put on all his charms

He lurked about in narrow streets
Until a beautician came by
When he pounced from out of the shadows
She let out a little cry

"I'm a friendly beast" the werewolf said
"And I'd like to get acquainted
My fingernails are very long
So I thought I'd have them painted"

She painted his nails in day-glow green
While the moon was full in the sky
He chopped and changed from man to beast
Each time a cloud passed by

"I do not want your blood tonight",
The scraggy monster said
I had some fish and chips for tea
So I'll have a beer instead".

With glowing nails he combed his hair
And said "my appearance looks newer
The moon has gone, it's nearly dawn;
I must return to the sewer."

Shambles

My office isn't quite a tip
Though very near enough
But having only one large desk
And such a lot of stuff

I have a filing cabinet
Which I think is rather small
And put together with the desk
They don't hold much at all

So dotted round about the floor
Are piles of papers and books
All neatly in their little stacks
Does it matter how it looks?

So long as I can find the phone
To answer people's questions
Or tell them what they need to know
And not make rude suggestions

One day I'll maybe tidy up
For the things I cannot find
But just for now I'll leave it so,
And hope no one will mind

Please be seated

As I entered the college at lunchtime
There were seats all over the lawn
I thought "how super, some where to sit''
As to them children were drawn

Now Mr. Hunt stopped en passant
As though he was stuck to the ground
His chin had dropped an inch or so
And his smiling face had frowned

"I do not believe what I'm seeing''
Said the school's head PE master
"What do you think of the seats?'' I asked
He said "a total disaster''

"Look at the oak tree towering above
With beautiful leaves of green,
The red and blue seats do not contrast
And I think that they spoil the Sean''

I said " cast your eyes on the litter bins
Bolted to every wall
Do they contrast with the oak tree?
No! they're yellow after all''

I said "let's not be too fussy
And think of the money we'll save
We are now in the colourful nineties
And none of us lives in a cave''

When children come from the lower site
And through the gates they enter
They'd like to think they're in college
Not a detention centre

So I think for the sake of lunchtime
The colourful seats should stay
We don't judge a book by it's cover
And they're comfortable seats any way

PS. This poem is dedicated to Greg Hunt
Who was head of PE Exmouth Community College 2003

Spectacular

I have a pair of specticals
But they won’t stay on my nose
I fastened them with blu-tack
Then another problem arose

The blu-tack was too sticky
And remove them I could not
When I did it was quite painful
And it left a big red blot

So now I cannot see too well
Lamp posts get in the way
My nose is red my eye is black
This just is not my day

Trying

I have an old computer,
And it's very, very slow
It can not make its mind up
How fast it wants to go

I also have a metronome
But the weight keeps slipping down
And it goes just like the clappers
That’s enough to make one frown

They're really very similar
To my broken down guitar
The notes come out quite tuneless
I’m not doing too well so far

But there's always perseverance
And with that we get things right
It may take a little longer
So please don't give up the fight