by Pepper aka Arnie
Category: General
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Children of the Gods, Within the Serpent's Grasp, The Serpent's Lair, Crossroads, Upgrades, Divide and Conquer.
Summary: Jack's thoughts after Divide and Conquer
Author's Note: Dedicated to Punch, whose voice was silenced in this world but never in the next. And thanks to Roz for encouraging me to post, pointing out my mistakes and generally putting up with me. :o)
Because I care about her... a lot more than I'm supposed to.
Twelve words...that's all. They can say a thousand things. Do you know that? They can mean love, or hate, war or peace. Anything. In this case they meant love.
Now before anyone accuses me of gettin' sentimental in my old age, let me explain. Carter's a fine officer...a little too brainy, but, hell, it comes in handy every now and then. She's also my friend. I'm not supposed to care about her like this. I'm not supposed to care about any of them like this. They're my team. I'm supposed to care about them like a leader. Not like a best friend.
Carter understands that. She knows the military set up: watch their backs, save their lives, have them save yours...but don't step over that line from 'comradeship' to 'I'd sooner die than come back without them'. Don't step over that line - that's when the trouble starts. The mission comes first...but sometimes...
When I left Daniel on that damn Goa'uld mothership... thinkin' he was as good as dead (not that I expected to make it out of there), I was okay. I was gonna be dead anyway in about 15 minutes, so what did it matter? I still didn't wanna leave him. I didn't want him to die alone. I didn't want him to die. He's a royal pain in the ass sometimes, but he's my pain in the ass and I'll deal with him.
Then we survived. Bra'tac, being Jaffa an' all that, was ready to die in a typically heroic way, but we persuaded him that surviving was even better (which it is, don't let anybody tell you different). So we stole a couple o' gliders and ended up goin' home.
When I realised we were gonna survive, I felt sick. Danny was dead. God. I felt like someone had reached inside my chest and taken out my heart...that hollow feeling. I felt it when Charlie died...I swore I'd never feel it again. I must have a weakness for geeky archaeologists.
But Daniel, being just about the most stubborn person alive (and Apophis would have had a far easier life if he'd realised that and just handed Sha're back and saved us all the trouble) used up another of his nine lives by dragging himself into a sarcophagus and reviving himself...again. How many times has he died? Sheesh.
I can still remember that second when he stepped out from the crowd, with that 'I'm not really sure if you missed me' look on his face. I could have kissed him... I think Teal'c could have too. Damn sure Carter almost did.
And Teal'c... biggest guy I've ever known, and I don't just mean his size. I'll never forget that day in those damn dungeons, (trust Apophis to have dungeons - he's that type), the look on Teal'c's face.
At the time I was just thinkin' about gettin' to Ska'ara and gettin' him back before he ended up like Sha're. Later, I realised what Teal'c had given up. Realised it even more when we found out about his wife and kid.
"I have nowhere to go."
He's a good man, is Teal'c. A good friend. The kind of guy you can't let down.
You'd think nothing could get to him, but you'd be wrong. That guy needs to talk more, ya know? When Shan'auc turned up and he was all ready to give up the SGC... give up us, it was one hellova shock. Shan'auc. Turned out she was wrong, she hadn't managed to teach her symbiote anything. It killed her as soon as it had the chance.
I knew then that we'd almost lost Teal'c... he would have walked across space to be with her. Funny. You know a guy for years and you've got no idea he feels like that about anyone except his wife... ex-wife... and kid. God help Tanith when the Tok'ra finally run out of uses for him. He'd better hope they deal with him rather than Teal'c. He'll extract that son of a bitch the hard way.
And then there's Carter...
When I stood the other side of that damn forcefield, with her shouting at me to go, all I could think of was that I wasn't going to walk away and let my friend die for any reason. And especially not because of Anise and her armbands. I'd figured out by then that Anise had been usin' us. I hoped Hammond was giving her all kinds of hell, but knowing the Tok'ra and their ability to wriggle their way out of unpleasant situations... usually leaving us in it up to our necks... I guessed he wouldn't get the chance.
And if Carter was gonna die, she wasn't gonna die alone.
And just in case anyone thinks I'm gettin' sentimental in my old age - I also knew that Jacob would have had my hide if I'd let anything happen to his daughter.
The End
© Pepper 2001