by Pepper aka Arnie
Category: General/Humpur
Rating: U/g
Spoilers: The Game Keeper, Seth
Notes : As the Goa'uld in the episode "Seth" was played by the same actor who played Daniel's Dad in "The Gamekeeper", this is my take on what really happened when Daniel met Seth.
"So help me if I wake up singin' soprano...."
The transport rings engaged and within seconds Jack, Daniel and Sam were in another room and were surrounded by some determined looking young men carrying guns. Once disarmed, they were thrust to their knees in front of a dark-haired man sitting on a throne, whose voice betrayed the fact that he was a Goa'uld host.
Daniel's eyes widened as he gazed at the Goa'uld. His jaw dropped. Finally a strangled, "Dad?" made itself heard.
The Goa'uld stopped his introductory talk of how happy they were going to be and looked closely at the young man in front of him. "Danny?" He looked the man up and down. "You've grown."
"Daniel?" Jack looked across at his Space Monkey. "'Dad?'"
Sam also looked at Daniel in surprise (and sympathy). She'd thought she was the only one with a possessed father.
Daniel leaned forward slightly, as though hoping his bad eyesight had led him to make a mistake. No mistake. The guy in the leather jacket on the throne (with a snake in his head) was his father, Melbourne Jackson.
Various emotions warred for supremacy on his face...disbelief, horror, amazement. Finally disbelief won out on his face and in his voice. "But you're dead!" he wailed.
Melbourne (aka 'Seth') rubbed his chin. "Ah...um...." He looked around at his followers who were gazing at Daniel in envy. Their God was his Dad? "Okay, family time. Clear the room."
Sadly, his followers got to their feet and trailed from the room, their disappointment at not sharing in the Glory That Is Dad obvious in their body language. Melbourne regarded O'Neill and Carter impassively then murmured, "Mind giving us some father to son bonding time?"
Jack frowned. "Yes!" he said indignantly.
Melbourne thought about that for a second, then asked, "Why?"
"Well, he's...you're...for crying out loud, you've been dead for 20 years!"
"Jack."
Jack and Melbourne turned to regard Daniel.
"I think I need to talk to him...alone," Daniel pointed out.
"Daniel, that's not a good idea," Jack told him.
"I think it is," Melbourne interposed.
"Did anybody ask you?" Jack looked at the lounging God.
"I think I need to do it," Daniel said quietly but firmly. "He's my father."
"But he's a Gould!" Jack was even more indignant than he had been a few seconds before. Daniel wanted to stay and talk to this guy?
"You know, Jack, you're so prejudiced." Melbourne leaned back on his throne and looked at the colonel approvingly. "I like that in you."
"Excuse me?" Jack's jaw dropped an inch or two. This guy liked him?
"Yeah. It's so...Goa'uldish." Melbourne leaned forward and spoke confidentially. "You sure you've never been a host?"
Jack's eyes bulged.
"Anyway, time for that later. Right now I've got some catching up to do with my son. So, er...scoot."
"Scoot?" The colonel wasn't sure he'd heard right.
"Yeah. You too, gorgeous." Melbourne winked at Sam as he pressed a buzzer for some of his acolytes to come in and remove the indignant colonel and the blushing major.
"Did you hear that?" Sam asked with a big smile on her face as they left the room. "He called me gorgeous."
Jack shook his head. He knew he should have said no when the Tok'Ra turned up asking them to track Seth down. He just knew it.
"So, son..." Melbourne leaned back on his throne and looked at his less than happy son, "how you been doin'?"
"Er...fine." Daniel was confused. Was this really happening?
"Want to sit on my knee for old times' sake?"
"No!" Daniel was not confused about his response to that offer and, instead of sitting on his dad's knee, he moved over to sit on one of the many cushions that surrounded the Goa'uld throne.
"Okay," Melbourne didn't seem offended in the slightest. "Bring your mother with you?"
"Mom?"
"Yeah...Mom." The Goa'uld frowned. "You do remember her, don't you?"
Daniel nodded his head. He remembered his mother. "Isn't she dead? Like you were supposed to be?"
"Dead? No! Oh, wait. Did I forget to take that memory block off her?"
"Memory block?" Daniel started forward as his father pulled a tatty notebook out of his pocket and started flicking through it.
"Yeah, she would have insisted on bringing you along and, to be quite frank, kids in the Goa'uld Pleasure Dome just aren't allowed. They're such sticklers for the rulebook, you know."
"You went on holiday?" Daniel's voice almost cracked in his astonishment.
"Yeah. Goa'uld Pleasure Dome...great place! I'll have to take you some day." Melbourne stopped flicking through his notebook and read a page with a smirk on his face. He stopped smirking when he realised Daniel was looking at him and coughed slightly. "Tell you when you're older. Oh, your Mom...right...." he resumed his search through the notebook, muttering under his breath now and then.
"Dad?"
Melbourne looked up and smiled. "Yes, son?"
"Why didn't you ever come back?"
"Oh, well, you know how it is. One thing leads to another...Chronos threw a party. Your mother didn't want to go, the things she had to say about Nurti! But we went in the end. Glad we did, Nurti did this dance with Apophis - you should have seen it! It was incredible. I almost married his sister, you know that?"
"Ha!" Daniel could top that one with ease. "He married my wife!"
"Your wife...really? Hmm. I don't remember getting an invite to the wedding ...yours or his. Was I out of the galaxy that day?" Melbourne frowned. "So, he married your wife?"
"Yes!"
"And that would make him...you're my son...she'd be my daughter-in-law...he'd be my son-in-law-in-law. Hmm. Doesn't sound quite right to me. You're the brainy one, Danny, what would he be?"
Daniel had 23 languages full of words that he could use to describe Apophis, unfortunately, he never got the chance.
"Aha! Found it!" Melbourne's gaze had returned to the notebook and found the reminder he was looking for. "Take memory block off wifey and go and pick up son." He leaned forward and showed the page to Daniel. "See?"
"But you didn't do it."
"Um...technically, no."
"And Mom doesn't remember me?"
"Um...technically...no." Melbourne frowned. "Daniel, are you always this much of a wet blanket?"
"Gee, Dad, I don't know," Daniel considered the question for a few minutes. "No, I think the last time I was this much of a wet blanket was when I discovered my parents hadn't been dead for over 20 years but had in fact been whooping it up in a Goa'uld Pleasure Dome!"
"Daniel," Melbourne regarded his son gravely, "is that a hint of bitterness I hear in your tone?"
"Oh, ya think?" Daniel fell back on Jack's favourite retort.
"Look, Danny, I'm sorry we left you behind but rules are rules. You weren't allowed in the Pleasure Dome."
The young man in front of him seemed to be choking on his indignation. "I'm not annoyed because you went off on holiday, you moron! I'm annoyed because I've been thinking for twenty years that you and Mom were dead!"
"Ah!" The Goa'uld understood now. "Sorry about that. Bit of an oversight." Melbourne thought he was doing well in admitting it. Gods don't often apologise to their offspring.
"Oversight?"
"Yeah."
"I've spent twenty years believing you and Mom were crushed to death by a coverstone and you call that an oversight?"
Melbourne looked surprised. "Is that the memory I went with?"
"You had choices?" Daniel demanded.
"Oh, yeah. Lots of choices. Now let me see...what did I think I left you with?" The Goa'uld fell silent as he mused on the past.
"Let me get this straight - you could have left me with, say, you and Mom going on holiday and me staying with Grandpa, instead of which you went with you and Mom being crushed to death."
"Well, that just about sums it up. But Nick was busy that year, he couldn't babysit for you. We asked him, of course!"
"Of course, how could I possibly think differently?" Daniel asked sarcastically.
"Daniel, I have to say, I'm disappointed in your attitude."
Jackson Jr. got to his feet so that he could stand over his father as he shouted at him. "You're disappointed in MY attitude?"
"Yes, Daniel. I would have thought you'd be able to see how these things happen and let our relationship move on."
"Relationship? We have a relationship?" He leaned forward so he could look into his father's face. "Didn't I spend the last twenty years thinking you're dead?"
Melbourne didn't understand Daniel's attitude at all. Surely he'd be happy to find out his parents hadn't been smashed into smithereens by a huge coverstone? However, for the moment, he'd play along. "Yes."
"So, don't you think that that would put a bit of a cramp in our relationship?"
The Goa'uld thought about that for a few seconds. "Well, only if you let it." Observing the perplexed (and unhappy) look that crossed his son's face, he continued, "Daniel, I can sense that you're having trouble with this." As Daniel tried to interrupt, he held up one finger. "Now, let me finish. I think that it's about time you moved on past these feelings. I mean, I've apologised, I don't see what else I can do."
"Oh, let me think about that one," Daniel said sarcastically. "How about... take the memory block off Mom, let me have my real memories instead of the fake one and oh... turn time back so that none of this ever happened! How's that?"
"Er...first two are fine with me, but we haven't mastered time travel yet." Melbourne thought for a second. "Anyway, if I turn back time, you wouldn't have the memories to begin with, would you? Neither would I...or would I? This needs thinking about, Danny. I'm sure I can schedule it in any time within the next year or so."
"A year?"
"Well, I'm a busy Goa'uld. I have this sect to run, the men to train, the women to...uh...." He coughed. "Well, you know how it is."
Daniel couldn't remember when he'd been so angry. This...flakey (there was no other word for him) Goa'uld father of his seemed to think that apologising wiped the slate clean. Well, Daniel had 23 languages at his disposal and he intended to use them all to persuade the Glory That Was Dad differently.
One hour later, Daniel was hoarse from talking but Melbourne seemed to be as fresh as a daisy. Maybe the fact that he'd taken a break halfway through Daniel's long (insult filled) harangue and had his admirers bring a meal and some wine in, had something to do with that.
Finally, Daniel's voice cracked and he sat on one of the cushions silently.
Melbourne regarded his son with pride. "You know a lot of insults in a lot of languages, don't you, son? Hey, tell you what..." Melbourne moved to squat on a cushion next to Daniel, in spite of the fact that he considered it to be rather beneath his dignity. "Next time Apophis throws a party, I'll take you along and you can really insult him. How's that, it'll be a father-son thing!"
"Dad, we're trying to kill Apophis," Daniel explained.
Melboiurne sat back. "Daniel! Just because a man runs off with your wife that's no reason to go around killing him."
"It's not because he ran off...kidnapped my wife! It's because he's a Goa'uld!"
The Goa'uld sitting next to him rolled his eyes impatiently. "Next thing you'll say you're intending to kill me!"
Silence.
"Daniel?"
"Yes, Dad?"
"You didn't come here to kill me, did you?"
"Well...not so much kill you as...um...." Daniel thought for a few seconds, then finished with, "Turn you over to the Tok'Ra?"
"What? Those sticks-in-the-mud?" Melbourne was indignant. "They have no idea how to party! And have you seen how they live? Underground in, " the Goa'uld waved his hands disparagingly, "'crystal' tunnels. In fact, the only one of that lot who's worthwhile at all is Anise. Uh huh, have you seen the way she dresses?" Melbourne grinned, nodding and winking at his son as he remembered some of Anise's outfits. "It's no coincidence that we turn up every time she's around. Have you seen the way her skirt flaps when she runs?"
"You turn up just so that you can...? Dad, you're disgusting!"
"I'm only human...well, partly human. Well, human with a bit of Goa'uld... Daniel, stop being such a prude."
"A prude? At least I know better than to ogle a Tok'Ra's legs when she's running!"
"We're not just talking a Tok'Ra," Melbourne informed him. "We're talking Anise. Short skirts, tight tops. Wowser!"
Daniel got to his feet indignantly. "That's it!" Unconsciously, he sounded a lot like Jack, "I am *so* bringing you down!" Turning, he stalked towards the door and yanked it open, stepping back as Jack stumbled into the room. "Jack?!"
Jack rubbed the ear he'd been pressing against the door. "Uh...Daniel?" As the acolytes had believed them to be honored guests of the high and mighty Goa'uld lord they worshipped, they hadn't bothered locking them up, so escaping from their guest quarters had been easy. Jack had been determined to find out how things were going between Daniel and his...Goa'uld father, so eavesdropping, in spite of Sam's protests, had been the natural choice.
Melbourne hurriedly moved back to his throne. Sitting on a floor cushion with one's son was one thing, sitting there in front of a lowly USAF officer was another. He pressed his buzzer once again. "Daniel, you should go and rest. I'm sure that once you've become acquainted with the delights this life has to offer you'll see things differently." He smiled as several of his acolytes escorted his visitors out of his throne room, in spite of their protests. "Jake!"
"Yes, my lord?" The young man stopped twisting Jack's arm up his back and turned to regard his God.
"Send Angelina to my son. She will help him to relax."
Jack, having suddenly regained the freedom of one arm, was using it enthusiastically.
"Ah, Angelina," Melbourne sighed reminiscently, totally ignoring the melee that was going on in the doorway, "she has gifts beyond your imagining, Daniel..."
As Jack punched one guard, karate chopped another, and kicked a third in a very important place, the air was filled with the sounds of people falling, people groaning, and one lad screeching in a high pitched manner.
"...When you are tired, she will help you sleep; when you are lonely, she will keep you company; when you are stressed from a day's work ruling over the lowly Tau'ri, she will remind you of why you are a God..."
Sam and Daniel, their arms freed as well, joined Jack in beating the hell out of the acolytes, and, once they had zat guns, zatting the said acolytes and bringing them back to reality.
"...In short, my son, she will...oh..." Melbourne realised that his loyal followers were either unconscious or not looking particularly loyal, and Daniel, Jack and Sam weren't looking too friendly either. "This complicates things."
"Not for us," Jack pointed out, a smirk on his face.
"I disagree," the Goa'uld said, his eyes glowing as he aimed his ribbon device at the trio.
They ducked for cover as Jack fired wildly with the zat gun. He missed, but so did Melbourne.
"Drat! I've really got to work on those targeting scanners!" Melbourne muttered, engaging his personal force shield and making for the door.
"Dad!" Daniel staggered to his feet.
"Uh...maybe next time, son. But I will take that memory block off your mother, so expect her to show up any time soon." Melbourne paused as he passed Sam. "Bye, gorgeous, it could've been great." His gaze met Jack's. "Bye, Jack. Don't trip over your shoelaces and zat yourself, will you?" With that, he disappeared through the door.
Jack staggered to his feet then stopped. "Oh, what the hell...the Tok'Ra will pick him up." He sank back down and leaned against the wall. "Ya know, is it just me or are our missions getting weirder and weirder?"
"I vote for weird," Daniel agreed.
"Yeah, me too," Sam nodded. "Although, if you notice, it's always the missions involving the Tok'Ra that are weirder than the others."
"Ya think?" Jack regarded his second-in-command thoughtfully. He hadn't noticed the Tok'Ra connection. "In which case, we all know who to blame, don't we?"
Sam and Daniel frowned. They couldn't think of whose fault it was.
"Jacob. He's the one who persuades us to get involved."
"It's not my Dad's fault!" Sam spluttered indignantly.
Jack folded his arms behind his head and rested his head on them contentedly. "Yep, every mission involving the Tok'Ra, we can blame your dad. And now," Jack looked at Daniel, "every mission involving the Goa'uld, we can blame your dad." He grinned. "Sounds like a perfect system to me!"
"Sir!"
"Jack!"
Jack smiled, ignoring the arguments. Today the universe made sense and he didn't even need Sam to explain it to him.
The End.
© Arnie 30th March 2003